


Letting Go

by Phiray



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types, Carmilla - J. Sheridan Le Fanu
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/F, Gen, Minor Violence, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-05-28 14:04:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 69,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6332068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phiray/pseuds/Phiray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla is a star athlete at her highschool, West high, when she meets the school papers reporter Laura Hollis. They meet again in university, Silas U, but a lot has changed. Will they be able to let go of past demons in order to not only find them selves but also each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Friends

**Author's Note:**

> // = Scene changed  
> \------ = changed of POV
> 
>  
> 
> Hopefully new chapter every week or maybe even two a week.  
> Ive recently moved to a new town so I will try my best to stay frequent.
> 
> Some chapters will be done on my phone so please bare with me.  
> Also, this is my first fanfic so any pointers would be appreciated!  
> Thanks :)  
> Tumblr is philippasraymond if you want to talk :)

// = Scene changed  
\------ = changed of POV (The Point of view will have a characters name, e.g, carmillas POV will be labeled at the start with CARMILLA)

CARMILLA

“Ugh! This is bullshit!” You sigh as you slam your head down on your desk. If you knew biology would be this hard you would not have chosen the subject for high school. It's 2 am on a Thursday morning and you struggle with the idea of closing your textbook and calling it a night. It's your final exam before the end of the year and you have to nail it just like the big game on Saturday night otherwise you can kiss your scholarship to Silas U away. For the last three weeks your nights have been spent training, trying to understand cells and genetics and drinking worryingly amounts of Cola.

Kirsch comes bounding in your bedroom like the over enthusiastic puppy he is, “Woah bro,” He stops mid-sentence and stares at the empty glass on the desk waiting for you to react. As you slowly peel your head off the desk, he begins to speak “your empty.” He slowly walks backwards not breaking eye contact with the empty glass, “not cool bro, not cool bro.”

You sit back up and rub your face until your start to see stars. Your mother has forced you to do various classes that you really don't need to do. Ever the beginning of high school she has been forcing you do to class that will help you get into business at university.

“I'm going to be a philosophy major. I don't even need Biology.”  
You let your head fall back on the chair, “ugh,” you exhale.

Kirsch bounds back in with a bottle of Cola in his hand he places it down on your desk before making himself comfortable on your bed.

“Hey Carm, thanks for letting me stay the night.” You can see him swallow the lump that has developed in his throat. “Um... Dad hasn't exactly been okay lately.” He stops before he shows too much emotion.  
You stand up and walk to your bed side table to pick up the Xbox controller.

“Woah, Kirsch. It's cool, yeah? Plus mother is out of town for the next three months.” You pass him the Xbox controller before making your way back to the desk that you have appropriately named the desk of disappointment. “You don't need to thank me, I'm your bro.” You say as you slump back in the chair.

Ever since Kirsch’s Dad got fired last month he hasn't been taking it well so for the time being Kirsch has been sleeping on your sofa in the back corner of your room. Which is no trouble at all since all he does is buy you pizza and gives you rides to school every day. Kirsch has been your best bud since grade school. Ever since than you two have been inseparable.

 

//

 

“Fuck!” You yell as you sit up in the chair where you fell asleep.

“Carmilla turn that off.” Kirsch says before throwing the blanket back over him.

You fumble around trying to figure out where you are almost falling of your chair. Your alarm is inconveniently placed on the other side of the room so you have to physically get up out of bed to turn it off. You sit in your chair resting back on the desk almost falling back asleep until, “Carmilla!” Kirsch sits up yelling.

“I am not getting up.” You yell back. You manage to throw a textbook towards kirsch but it somehow manages to hit your alarm.

“Coach is right, you are a good shot!”

You roll your eyes and walk towards the shower. “I don't like to brag, but I didn't get offered a scholarship for nothing.”

“You’re full of yourself.” Kirsch snaps as he rolls his eyes and reaches back for the Xbox controller.

You try to think of a witty comeback but your way too tired “...and you’re an asshole.” You yell from the hallway.

You grabbed your phone on your way out of your bedroom. 8:00am, plenty of time for a shower and a coffee or maybe more cola depends on how long this shower is.

As you step in the shower your mind is flooded with thoughts about the game. Positive and negative, you think about the roar of the audience when your team first steps on the court. A warm rush fills your body as you think back to the previous game you just played.

You won by 1 point an easy three pointer with three defenders on you.

Danny ran up the key and set a screen for you. You run in what feels like slow motion brushing shoulders with Danny everything is quiet, 3, Elsie throws you the ball, you count your footing. Left and then right. Your leap in the air everything is slow motion you feel the sweat dripping down your nose. 2 Your jump is perfect; your release is perfect all you need now is the sound of net as the ball falls through. 1, the audience roars, the buzzer goes off. Everyone is quiet and then ‘swish’ the ball falls through and the audience stands on their feet they roar your name, “Karnstein! Karnstein! Karnstein!”  
You throw your hands in the air and scream your team runs up and jumps on you. In that moment you felt like you were invincible.

 

Tears begin to form in your eyes as you remember how amazing you felt. You’re the star basketball player of your school and college scouts have been chasing you down for weeks. Your future is dependent on Saturday’s game. You need to impress the scouts especially those from Silas U. Your future depends on...

“Fuck! My exam!” You snap out of your day dream and quickly wrap a towel around yourself and run to your room to get changed.

“Jock strap, out now!” You point in general direction of your door.

“Woah, Carm-sexy...” Kirsch puffs his shoulders out and he is clearly impressed with the nickname he just made up.

“I'm serious beef cake. Out! I'm late.”

“Alright, alright, see you at the courts?” Kirsch begins to walk out the door before turning and winking at you, “no wonder the girls like you your bod is on point.”

//

After your exam you walk out of the room with your head down. Despite wearing your lucky undies you don't think you were very lucky with that test. With your hands in the pockets of your leather jacket you push past the crowd using your shoulders. You grunt as you push through people. That test couldn't have gone worse but at the same time you think you did okay well considering you were up until 2am trying to figure out the process of protein synthesis.

As you make your way through the halls you work over the questions in head. You studied everything from DNA replication, gene expression to genetic drift. How could you forget what DNA stands for?

“Idiot.” You whisper under your breath.

You are completely caught in thought until you hear a small voice from behind you.

“Um...Excuse me?”

You turn around to see a cute honey blonde girl running towards you. You turn your head slightly to the right to match her the odd way she runs. She finally gets to you and you realise she just isn't cute but she is beautiful.

She leans over trying to catch her breath. Her hair is pulled back in a perfect ponytail and you notice she is wearing black Adidas joggers with army green jeans matched with a cat shirt and for a moment you are stuck wondering how the hell she makes that look good.

“Um... Hey…,” she speaks between breaths. “You... um...left your books and…” She leans down again.

“Breath cupcake.” You notice her starting to blush. Well you think she is blushing or maybe she just can't breathe. She stands up and puffs her chest attempting to catch her breath.

“Laura is it? Laura Hollis?” She smiles. “Ah yes, I could recognise that cute smile anywhere. The Louis Lane of West High.” You wink as she lets out an embarrassed giggle.

Laura runs the school paper and has been ever since she started at West High two years ago. She's at every one of your games taking photos and interviewing you and your teammates.

After a few moments of silence she's reaches into her bag and pulls out your biology textbook. “Here, you left this back at your desk. You raced out of class so fast I had to run to catch up to you. It would have only been a slow jog but Mr Muller kept me back to talk about the holidays and how I went this term. He scares me he is so creepy and I jus.. Oh gosh, I'm sorry I'm rambling.” She is still holding out your book.. You got so caught up in her enthusiasm you completely forgot you were staring.

You grab the book touching her hand, “Thanks, I’m not use to being chased after by pretty girls like yourself.” You wink before pulling the book out of her hand.

“Oh please, I've seen the girls you've been with. You’re like a hot…chick...babe… magnet..?” you can see her question what she just said.

“Pretty, smart, and a complete dork Laura Hollis you’re the whole package aren't you?”  
You back away from her, after you turn around you let one more compliment slip your lips.  
“See you at my game cutie.”

 

LAURA

“Laura…” You heard a whisper as you felt someone sit down on the bed next to you. “Its 7am munchkin time to get up.”

“Mm 5 more minutes, Dad.” You turned on your side facing away from him. You could feel him stand up and walk towards what you thought was the door. “Thank you.” Your voice cracked still trying to wake up, relived that he was leaving.

Instead he opened the curtains letting an awfully large amount of sunlight to come in. You scrunch your eyebrows and eyes tighter trying to block the rays of sunshine.

“Come on princess, you have your big exam today plus I have hot chocolate waiting for you down stairs.” You could hear the smile on your dads face.

You rolled over and tossed the blankets aside, “Hot chocolate hey?”

//

You race down the stairs with your backpack thrown over your shoulder.

“There's my little reporter!” You’re met with a kiss planted on your cheek and a plate of pancakes.

“So muffin, what's this big test you have today?” Your Dad asked placing a hot chocolate next to your plate of freshly cooked pancakes soaked with maple syrup.

“Biology,” you say with a smile, “it will be a breeze!”

//

You look up to the clock that is hanging above your Science teacher’s head. The room is quiet except for a couple of ‘huffs’ for random students and the loud chewing of gum coming Mr Muller.

Mr Muller was a good teacher in some aspects but he was the biggest creeper of all time. He would always keep you back after class to ‘talk’ but he would often mistake your chest or ass for your eyes. Even if you didn't have your hand up he would more often than not call on you to answer questions. Plus, he had this creepy smirk that was always followed by an uncomfortable wink. Of course this landed you with the brand name of ‘teacher pet’.

You finished your test 40 minutes before everyone else and you were stuck just sitting there staring at the wall. You were in the middle of thought when the raven haired girl sitting in front of you groaned and slammed her head on the desk which made you jump.

“Uh are you okay?” you lent forward whispering quietly.

The girl in front turned around. Her hair was pulled back in a loose messy bun and she looked half asleep. She smiled before saying in a quiet low voice,  
“What the frilly hell is this shit?” Before turning slowly around.

Woah! That smile! Butterflies filled your stomach causing you let out a nervous giggle which caught the attention of Mr Creepy Muller.

“Carmilla. Stop distracting Miss Hollis.”

By the time the bell rang you came up with another comic for the paper and a list of bad pun jokes to go along with it to. You counted the number of bricks that made up the wall and realised that you would look better with hot pink hair than electric blue.

Carmilla stood up in a hurry before turning to you with a ‘up to no good smirk’, “I hope I didn't distract you too much…” She looked you up and down before continuing, “...Miss Hollis.”

You just stared at her with a nervous expression on your face. You tried to cover up the fact that she again gave you butterflies with a nervous laugh followed by an accidental snort. Your hands shot up to cover your face.

Carmilla laughed, “Smooth Sundance, smooth.”

Mr Muller cleared his throat which pulled your attention from the mysterious girl in front of you. “Um Miss Hollis can I please have a word?” Mr Muller said as he did the creepy smirk which of course just as expected followed with a wink. This earned a groan from the girl in front of you.

//

As you watched almost every student file out of the classroom you gathered your belongings from your desk and made your way to Mr Muller.

Your foot got caught tripping you causing you to drop your belongings all over the ground.  
At the sight of you falling Mr Muller jolted up and raced towards you. He knelt down to help gather your things but as you caught his eyes wondering to places they shouldn't you jumped up. Bang!

You immediately grabbed your head. “Ouch!” The desk you hit almost flipped over.

“Laura, are you okay?” Mr Muller went to reach out to hand now resting on your thigh.

You quickly grabbed your things and placed them in your bag. Standing up you see an unfamiliar book on the ground. Mr Muller picked it up and handed it to you.  
“Now you be careful on your holiday. I'm going to miss seeing you around these hallways.” As you both walked towards the door Mr Muller continued on about how much you meant to him and how college will turn “good girls bad”.

“Uh... Thank you, I'll miss our bio lessons together as well. See you later Mr M.” You closed the door and looked down to the book you have been holding tightly against your chest trying to hide your boobs or your “lady lumps” as Mr M would call them.

Open the front page and read the name inside the cover, Property of Carmilla Karnstein. Touch it anymore and I will personally kill you.”

You can't help but giggle to yourself. First the subtle flirting… I mean it had to be flirting but you know, that's Carmilla Karnstein star ball player and hottie of the school and your just little Ol' Laura. But that wouldn't surprise you; she does seem to get around. You look up to see Carmilla walking in the distance towards the entrance of the school, you took off after her.

//  
“Um... Excuse me.” You attempted to yell but your lungs felt like they were on fire. Gee, you really need to start exercising. You have only jogged 300 metres max and you feel like you’re going to die.

Carmilla turned and woah! You never realised how pretty she really was. The wind was blowing just enough to make her hair look like it was meant to be on a Shampoo Ad. Though she was pretty it wasn't enough to distract you from the fact that you reached your Vo2 Max about 200 metres ago and your lungs were slowly collapsing. Or the fact that you run like Bambi trying to escape hunters.

Once you finally reached Carmilla you didn't have the strength to speak so you leant over hands on knees trying to catch your breath. Laura you are standing in front of the star athlete of your school, you just looked like a dying gazelle trying to escape a lion and now you are speechless. Say something! Anything!

“Hey…. Um...” Words just weren't working for you right now. You took one last breath before standing up and reaching to the sky hoping that would help your collapsed lungs. “You... Left your book at.um... And...”

Carmilla gave you that look followed by that smirk that gave you butterflies in class. “Breathe Cupcake.” Oh wow, if you weren't speechless before you definitely are now!

After a short conversation and an accidental case of word vomit Carmilla left you speechless… again. You looked her up and down as she walked away. Holy crab cakes. She definitely is the hottie of the school.

Saturday – The Big Game  
CARMILLA

Sitting on the metal bench in the locker room your knee bouncing up and down with excitement. You can hear the roar of the audience over the music being played from your earphones. You take a deep breath in, and then out going over plays and situations in your head.  
This is it. This is my last chance to impress.  
You are taken from your thoughts by a hand on your shoulder.

“Breathe Karnstein, go hard, play big, and be quick on your feet. This is your last game. Go get em tiger.” Your coach says before giving a reassuring pat on your back.

“Number 13!” Danny yells as she runs into the locker room.

Danny Lawrence is 6 foot of pure strength. She is a natural athlete and the power house of your team. You two have a rough history. The first year of ball you didn't get along but eventually Kirsch made you hang out and you discovered you work well as a team. When a score is needed you two work together to get an easy shot. Without her you would struggle to get a win.

She takes a seat next to you; she begins to put on her basketball boots.

“Ready Lawrence?” you say without looking up.

“Ready to kick ass? Yeah sure!”

“Circle up girls!” Coach yells from the far side of the locker room.

All the girls link arms and huddle. Coach goes over plays and defence before handing it to you for the captain’s speech.

“Ladies, I have never been one for emotional speeches but I am so very proud of all of you. Each and every one of us has grown individually and as a unit. We are here today because of hard work on and off the court. Tonight. This game. This is for us. Let’s girl the hell up. On 3.”

The whole team joins in, “1, 2, 3 TIGERS!”

The team burst out of the locker room. You can hear the roar of the audience building the closer you get to the court. TIGERS! TIGERS! TIGERS!

You race on to the court the other team is already warming up down the opposite end.  
Throwing your fist into the air the crowd goes wild. Everything feels like it is in slow motion, you look around the stadium. You can see Kirsch on the base line chairs with his arm wrapped around S.J, so you run up to him.

“Hey Carmilla, instead of eating ass maybe you could go kick some tonight, yeah?” Kirsch whispers in your ear before giving you a ‘bro’ slap on the back.

“You are disgusting, Beef cake. Can you actually watch my game tonight instead of playing tonsil hockey with Pretty over here.” You nod to S.J before turning back t Kirsch.

Kirsch hits his head against his palm in embarrassment but S.J is still trying to recover from the compliment. Just before you turn around, to join the team Kirsch begins to speak.

“Oi that um Hollis chick has been asking me all night about you…” Kirsch points to Laura who was standing on the side line between two big jocks attempting to get photos. “I thought cat sweaters were out of season?”

“Good luck Carmilla.” S.J says as you run off to Laura.

“Hey cupcake.” You say before giving her a gentle bump on the shoulder. “Stalking me now?”

“Oh Um no I'm just taking pictures of you...” You raise an eyebrow at the clearly flustered girl. “I meant for the paper.” She lifts up her camera and smiles. “If you don't mind, can I please interview you after the game?”

“Anything for you pretty.” You say before you here your Coach yell your name.  
“Well that's me, see you after the game Creampuff.” You say before running off to your Coach and joining in the warm up.

//

The buzzer rings for the start of the game and your nervous start to kick in.

First Quarter: 6 – 14  
\- Your team is in front. The points were mainly scored off rebounds but you had a couple fast breaks.  
Second Quarter: 10 – 20  
\- Second quarter went much the same.  
Third Quarter: 24 – 26  
\- In the last three minutes the other team scored four threes and a foul shot.

The buzzer went for the end of the third quarter. The team huddled around coach. To say the least coach was not impressed. You looked around the team huddle, every girl had their head down. You look up to the score board, 24 – 26 with 30 seconds until the start of the fourth quarter. You give the coach a reassuring look.

“Alright, listen up ladies. We have 10 minutes to pull our heads in and work as a team. No more easy baskets for them. Press up. Play D. Girls, this is it. Like Coach said, we are the ones who deserve this win. Go get em Tigers!” Your speech is cut short by the fourth quarter buzzer.

You lead your team out on to the court and the audience goes wild. You glance to Danny Lawrence and she nods. This is it. These final 10 minutes is what you have been working for three years.

5 minutes down on the last quarter and nobody has scored. Both teams are playing a tight press back into zone making it practically impossible for either teams to make a bucket. A hard screen is set and the other team gets a basket, the score is now 26 -26 with two minutes to go.

The Coach runs up the side line, “Karnstein!” You run to meet him. “This is you. Hit Danny and pop one from deep corner.”

“Danny!” You scream while taking the ball up the court. She nods in reply.

As you bring the ball up the court you make it to your half. Danny runs base line setting up the screen. You pass off to the elbow, you run off Danny who is set on the block, you receive the ball back at the three point line. You breathe out, everything seems to be in slow motion, you breathe in, the audience is on their feet you can hear the roar of your name “Karnstein, Karnstein!” you count your steps, left and then right. Your jump is perfect. This is it. Your release is perfect. This is it. The ball is up and BAM!

A easy three the score is 26 -29 with a minute to go.

“Tight D! Tight D! Push up Karnstein!” your coach yells.

Before you can look at the clock the end buzzer blows.

The crowd goes wild, your heart feels like it'll jump out of your chest. Kirsch runs on to the court and lifts you on to his shoulders. Kirsch puts you down and your team including your coach embrace in a group hug.

In this moment you feel invincible.

“Excuse me, Carmilla. Can I please have a word?” A man in suit and tie pulls you from the crowd. “I am very impressed with how you have played and I am honoured to invite you to Silas University on a full basketball scholarship. Details will be sent via email. I hope you take this offer seriously. It's been awhile since I have seen a player as good as you are. Great game, talk soon.” He walks off and disappears in the crowd.

Before you can even process what's going on Coach calls you and the girls into the locker room.

//

After the team talk and all the celebrations are over you emerge from the locker room and find yourself standing in an empty stadium. Confetti and streamers cover the floor. You decided to stay back and shower at the courts you agreed to catch up with the team later. Other than you there was only three other people in the stadium but they were busy cleaning up.

You stood in the middle of the court reminiscing all the games played and all the good times you had on the court.

“Hey Carmilla.” A small voice pulls you from your thoughts. You turn around to see a honey blonde girl dressed in a cat sweater and jeans walking up to you. “Can I please ask you some questions?”

“You waited for me cupcake? Sorry to keep you waiting.” You walk with her out of the stadium.

After a couple of questions you find yourself standing at Kirsch’s car in a cloud of awkward silence. There's only Kirsch’s car in the parking lot with a build up of frost on the Windows. The air is freezing but you don't mind it. Kirsch being typical Kirsch is in the back seat making out with S.J. You lean up against the hood of the car watching the beautiful girl in front of you ramble on about the game.

“You played really well. You looked hot.” Her eyes go wide and her cheeks turn pink. “I mean because you were running around and stuff you must have been.. you know.. hot.” She tries to change the subject, “ is your back sore? Like your back has to be sore from holding up the team.” Clearly proud of the joke she just made her smile gets wider.

You can't help but laugh. There's something about this girl that intrigues you. You look around before turning back to Laura. “I see my ride but where is yours?” You breath out watch your hot breath in the cold air before bringing your attention back to the girl in front of you.

“Oh I ride.” She's says a little too enthusiastically while pointing to her bike that is chained to a railing.

“But it's freezing? We can't have a cute girl like you getting sick. Are you coming to the after party? I heard there's free food.” You raise an eyebrow while adjusting your black leather jacket to cover your hands.

“Thanks but Dad is expecting me home soon.” She starts to walk over to her bike. “ But Um.. I'll see you around... over the break maybe?” Her voice becomes distant as she walks away. “You played really well though. You deserve that scholarship.”

“See you around cupcake.” You get into the driver’s seat and pull out of the car park.

 

LAURA

You look down to your watch, 5:00pm, sweet an hour before the game starts. You got here extra early to make sure you got a sideline seat. You got the perfect view of both halves of the court. The audience is roaring so loud you can barely here yourself think. While you wait you jot down some questions for the team for interviews after the game . You look around and notice Kirsch sitting along the base line. You quickly run over.

“Hey Kirsch, where's Car..?” He interrupts you with a big bear hug.

“Laura!” He yells in your ear as he pick you up in a bear hug and swings you around. He means nice but God he underestimates his strength sometimes. “Have you met S.J?” he says as he throws his arm around S.J and then you.

“She is in our English class Kirsch,” you shake your head, “Hey S.J, do you guys know where Carmilla is?” you say as you search the crowd for her. Kirsch clears his throat and stares you down with his hand on his hip and raises an eyebrow.

“For interview reasons Kirsch,” you raise your note pad.

“Mhmm I'm sure! She actually asked me about you the other day.” Kirsch says as he sits down.

“Eee, Really?!” You say way too enthusiastically. “I mean really? Because I need to interview her for a um.. article.. and stuff.” You try to hide your behind your smile.

“She is in the locker room but she should be out soon for warm ups.” S.J says.

“Thanks Sarah, well I'll see you guys after the game.” You run off back to your seat.

//

Back at your seat you struggle to take photos as you are seated between two football jocks who have had a little too much excitement for one night. They are jumping up and down to the music and chanting at the top of their lungs.

“Excuse me guys?” you get pushed and almost fall over. “Guys! I am trying to take photos for the paper! Now you can either settle or I will make you settle!” You practically have to look straight up to see their faces and step on your tippy toes to get to shoulder height.

“Wow little lady,” they pat you on the head.  
“I swear to God I will...” you are interrupted by a familiar voice.

“Hey Cupcake” Oh god. You look her up and down. You try to speak but you have seemed to misplace your ability to speak. She continues, “Stalking me now aye?”

For a moment you just stare. Her jersey is black and fits perfectly clinging to all the right places. Tucked into black basketball shorts that hug her perfect ass. Oh my god, speak Laura! Anything!

“Um... No just taking photos of you.” Shit. “I meant for the paper?” Even you question what you’re saying. Gosh dammit. What is it about this girl that makes you so nervous? “If you don't mind, can I please interview you after the game?”

“For the school paper or personal reasons?” She winks.

You let out a nervous giggle before the Coach calls her over. That could not of gone worse.

“Smooth.” The jock standing to your right says while fist bumping the other.

“Shut up.” You sink back into your seat.

//

The final buzzer blows and confetti falls from the ceiling covering the players and audience. The Tigers won because of a three pointer shot by Carmilla. The audience is roaring with pride chanting “Karnstein! Karnstein!”

Kirsch lifts Carmilla on his shoulders as you walk on to the court. She turns her head and catches you staring you can see her mouth the words ‘Hey Cupcake’ before she is put down and tackled by her team.

“Hey sexy lady” Kirsch says as he throws an arm around you and brings you in for a hug.

Throughout the years you have helped Kirsch with his classes and helped him pass Science. After school every Wednesday and Thursday you would hang out with him and study. Normally he is a ball of energy and many people describe him as a big puppy dog but lately things have been different due to his home life. His Dad lost his job and has been drinking a lot more making Kirsch step up as the ‘man’ of the household. Lately, Carmilla has been joining your study session which seems to calm Kirsch a bit and it's not like your complaining about it.

“Want to come to Karnstein’s house for the after party?” Kirsch says as he wraps his spare arm around S.J.

You barely hear him as your watching Carmilla talk to a strange man in a suit but you assume he is inviting you to some stupid after party.

“I'm going to hang around here for a bit and do some stuff for the paper.”You say as you walk towards your seat on the sideline.

“Yeah, ‘paper’ stuff I'm sure.” Kirsch walks off with S.J.

//

An hour and a bit after everyone has left you’re still sitting there fiddling with your pen and note pad. You look up to see a dark haired girl standing in the middle of the court. She's wearing black jeans ripped at the knees with black boots and a black and white Ramones band shirt and a black leather jacket. Her hair is perfectly draped over her shoulders and she is carrying a duffle bag over her shoulder. She seems to be lost in thought as she looks over the stadium.

“Hey Carmilla.” You say as you walk with a smile towards her adjusting your back pack. She seems surprised to see you. “Can I please ask you those questions now?” Now you’re standing in front of her and you can't help but notice her beautiful deep brown eyes and flawless complexion. Her jawline is perfect and her lips make a heart shape.

You clearly pulled her from her thoughts and to be honest you’re a little angry at yourself that you talked at all.

“You waited for me cupcake?” She says a little surprised. “Walk with me.”

She turns and starts walking towards the doors. For a moment you are stuck staring at her but you eventually snap out of your haze and jog to catch her.

Once your outside she leans against the hood of Kirsch’s car and her hot breathe mixes with the cold and both of you watch as it rises then disappears. The whole way you have been experiencing a bad case of word vomit. You couldn't help but ramble on about the game.

“You played really well. You looked hot.” Once you realised what you said your eyes went wide and you could feel your cheeks turning pink. Shit. “I mean because you were running around and stuff you must have been... You know… Hot.” Carmilla is smiling wide and shaking her head at you. “Dammit Laura.” You whisper to yourself. This girls makes you so unbelievably nervous. What is wrong with you?

You watch her drive out of the parking lot and you catch yourself smiling like an idiot. You have talked to this girl three times and she manages to make you trip over your words. You unlock your bike and start to head home.


	2. Everyone has their demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A whole lot of stuff happens in this chapter. I feel like this chapter really starts to dive into the story a bit more. The time also jumps around a bit.

LAURA - HOLIDAY BREAK 

Holidays for you have been made up of tourist drives with your Dad and lunch dates with Danny. After the game you gave in and went to the after party where you and Danny spent the whole night arguing over which doctor from the Doctor Who series is better. After that night you two spent a lot of time together and now you are dating. You were lucky enough to get accepted in Silas University and you’re focusing on becoming a journalist. You have a job between classes at the on campus coffee shop ‘The Study’. The shop is part coffee, part café and part bookstore with a wide range of donated books. You went to the campus tour last month and you absolutely loved it, plus they have a very well organised school paper. 

You are absolutely head over heels for Danny. This is your first ‘real’ relationship and it is exactly how the books describe it. Danny is your best friend AND your girlfriend. You two have been hanging out together every day these holidays. She is always spoiling you with gifts and talking about your future with her. You never thought you could love someone like this. She doesn’t just complete you but she brings out the best in you. You have always believed in love and fairy tales but you never thought you would actually get your own happy ending. Maybe this is how your Dad felt about your Mum. Maybe this is why he can never bring himself to talk about her. 

You are pulled from your thoughts...

“Ready kiddo? Danny is here for you.” Your Dad yells from downstairs. “I'll send her up.” 

A massive smile spreads across your face at the sound of her name. You’re hopping across your bedroom attempting to fit into your skinny jeans. You can hear Danny’s footsteps coming up the stairs. You finally managed to get one leg in and then eventually the other. Just as Danny walks in your bed you she catches you in an awkward squat. 

 

“Shut up. Don't say a word.” You jump attempting to pull your jeans over your bum. 

Looking exhausted from watching you Danny takes a couple of steps towards you. 

“Need a hand Hollis?” she raises an eyebrow while leaning against your cupboard. 

“Ugh, fine.” Looking defeated you let Danny help you. 

While you grab on to your front belt loops Danny grabs on to your bum and squeezes. 

“Danny!” you jump forward tripping over and landing on your face. “Dammit Lawrence.” You roll on to your back and exhale in defeat. You look up to see the giant red head smiling down at you. She extends a hand to you.

Gosh, she is beautiful.

“Well are you going take it or are you just going to stare at me?” 

You let out a small giggle and jump up on to your feet.

“I think we make a pretty good team Hollis.” She looks you up and down.

You look down to notice you are only wearing your jeans and a bra, “Oh Gosh!”

You run to your cupboard and throw on a shirt before running down stairs with Danny following closely.

“See ya Dad.” You say as you kiss his cheek and run out the door holding Danny's hand.

// 

You sit in Danny's car staring out the passenger window with her hand on your thigh. 

“What are thinking about?” she asks you with a worried expression. She wants to stare at you but she has to look back to the road. 

“Oh nothing. I was just looking.” You say with a smile.

“Are you sure? You know you can tell me anything.” 

“Danny I was honestly just looking at the window. Okay?” 

“Mm okay.” You can tell she doesn’t believe you.

 

A few moments later she tells you to close your eyes, so you do what you’re told. You feel the car pull up. You hear her open her door and get out of the car. A few seconds later your door opens.

“Now no peeking Laura.” She unbuckles your seat belt and helps you out of the car.

You tap your hands on your legs out of excitement.

“Settle down Hollis, we are almost there.”

She begins to lead you down a path. You can hear other people all around you; you turn a corner and hear a busker and coins dropping into his guitar case. 

“Danny, wait…” You turn to the source of the music; “Please…” you reach into your pocket for some loose change.

“You’re too nice for your own good.” She chuckles before grabbing the change from your hand and placing it in the guitar case. You can almost hear the eye roll in her voice.

She continues down the path. You can hear boys playing some sort of sport to your left, the wind going through the trees above you and to your right someone is quietly singing to themselves. 

Danny’s grip on your arm tightens as she pulls you up, “Alright, we are here. Open your eyes.” 

You look around and notice that this all looks familiar. You turn around. Tall oak trees line the stone path behind you. You look to your now right and see a group of boys throwing a football around and to your left there is a girl quietly singing to herself as she relaxes against a tree. 

“Silas U?” You confusingly ask as you turn around to face Danny who is blocking you from seeing what’s up a head.

She steps out of the way. The Study is directly in front of you. Still confused you look to Danny for an answer. 

“I thought that maybe you might want to get a hot chocolate here before you actually have to start serving them.” Danny says with a smile.

Danny has always been a romantic.

“And I know this isn’t exactly red wine and roses on a beach but…” she grabs your hand and starts to walk to the shop. “I just wanted to make your first memory of Silas U a good one.” 

She opens the door and you’re overwhelmed by the smell of roasted coffee beans, fresh cookies and old books.  
“Danny, it’s perfect.” You look up and kiss her before walking into the store. 

As you walk in you a greeted by an overly cheery Perry. 

“Hey girls” 

Lafontaine pops their head out from behind the kitchen door, “Hey Lawrence hey Laura!”

Danny replies, “Hey guys, I know we are early I hope that is okay?”

“Don’t be silly, of course it’s okay!” Perry says back quickly. “Come on.” Perry gestures towards the counter.

You look around the shop and take in the smell of the old books. The left side of the shop has three couches and a sofa with a wall lined with old worn bookshelves filled with all sorts of books. The right side holds tables and chairs with a small fire place against a brick wall.

In the far right corner there is a table set for two. A white table cloth covers the table and there is one red rose in the middle. The tall ginger walks over to the table and pulls out a chair for you. Once you sit down Danny places a kiss on your cheek and heads back to the count.

She comes back holding two hot chocolates. She hands you yours and sits down in her own chair opposite you. You take a sip and it is made perfectly. You look up towards the counter where Perry is waiting eagerly for your approval. You give her a thumbs up and a big smile. 

“Perr give them privacy.” You hear Laf say from the kitchen.

“Oh yes…” Perry urgently drops the tea towel in her hand and rushes away.

You look back at Danny who is already looking at you.

“So…” She leans forward and grabs your hand. “Are you excited to start?”

You stroke your thumb gently over her hand, “Yeah, I mean like I am I’m just..,” Danny cuts you off.

“Scarred?” 

“Yeah but more so the fact that I’m…” You get cut off again.

“Afraid of change?” Danny holds both of your hands. “Hollis, you are one of the most adventurous people I know. You’re going to kick ass at this school and plus you have Perry and Laf to help you out.”

“Dam right!” You hear Lafontaine yell from the kitchen.

“Your right!” You sit up straight, “I’m going to kick butt!”

You hear the bell of the door ding as it opens but you ignore it and take a big mouth full of your drink. Your about to speak when Danny gets up abruptly. 

“Carmilla Karnstein, what brings you to Silas University?” Danny says excitedly while walking over to the girl. 

As soon as you heard Carmilla’s name your head turned to pay attention. 

Carmilla looks up a little surprised to receive such a cheerful reaction from Danny. “Big Red, it's been awhile.” She turns and nods to Perry behind the counter. Perry rushes to brew some coffee. You watch as Danny and Carmilla talk. 

“Do you want to join us?” Danny asks before stepping to the side and gesturing to you. 

Carmilla looks up and she smiles at you. “You two seem busy but, uh, I'm just getting coffee.”

A girl walks up to Carmilla and wraps her arm around her. 

“You two have met Betty before, yeah?” 

Both you and Danny nod in reply. Betty was one of Carmilla’s little popular minions back at West high.

“So you two are dating?” You ask.

The small brunette removes her arm quickly from Betty, “Oh god, no. We are just um.”

“We just had a little fun which is none of your business.” 

“Carmilla your coffees.” Perry interrupts and places two coffees on the counter.

Danny sits back down at the table a little shocked by the conservation.

“Gee, even girls here are in love with her.” You say sinking back into your chair.

“Yeah, apparently her ‘woo ha’,” Danny looks down suggestively, “tastes like cotton candy.” 

You roll your eyes and let out a slight giggle. You go to continue your conservation with Danny when you’re interrupted again. Carmilla places a cupcake next to your hot chocolate. 

“Cupcake.” The dark haired girl smirks and then walks out of the shop. 

 

Your date continued until you both finished your drinks and a bunch of cookies each.

“Thanks Perry! See you later Lafontaine.” You say as you bound out the door with Danny in hand.   
Danny pulled up out front of your house. You hop out of her car and she walks you to the door. 

“Hollis” Danny is standing on the step down from you so she doesn't completely tower over you.

“Lawrence.” You wrap your arms around her. You look up and kiss before walking inside. 

//

MID TERM 

You have settled in your classes nicely and you have a wonderful writing teacher who has really inspired you to do your best this year. On top of that, the girl in charge of the university newspaper was really impressed with your work. In fact so impressed that you now have your very own sports column in the paper where you report on sporting events within the college and also in the community. You love your new job and Perry and Lafontaine only make it so much better.   
Unfortunately Danny is about 30 minutes away at Philly State University that is on the other side of town. Your relationship with the tall ginger has only gotten better. Friday nights are date night and every other day your either texting her or riding your bike to her campus. 

You’re in high spirits as its Friday and you are on top of your school work and your last shift for the week is about to start. You walk into the shop with the usual wide happy smile and bounce in your step. 

“Hey Laf!” You say as you walk behind the counter tying your apron around your waist. You put your head around the corner of the door that leads to the kitchen. You notice dirty dishes piled up in the sink and dirty baking trays covering the benches. “Been busy?” You joke. 

Laf is sitting on the bench with their head in her hands. They look up and stare at you before speaking, “You have no idea.” They jump off the bench and walk to the front. You follow them to the counter. “I'm glad you’re here actually Elsie just left and I was wondering if you could work a little late tonight. I have a science club meeting at 5, Perry is sick and I need someone to close. It's only a couple of hours and I'll pay you double.” They lean against the bench resting on their elbows with their head in their hands. 

Staying back means you'd have to cancel on Danny. You look at the clock on the wall behind the counter and then back at Laf. They look absolutely exhausted. They have batter in their usually flawless hair, their bow tie is almost falling off and their shirt is untucked. You wish you could say no but you hate seeing your friends like this.

“Yeah that'll be no trouble at all!” You say with a wide smile hoping that it'll hide your guilty conscience.

“Serious?” Laf springs up standing straight while they fix their appearance, “Thank you so much Laura. I owe you one!” They grab their jacket and run out the door. 

A heavy feeling of guilt sets in and you can feel your gut sink. Dammit. You were so excited about tonight, you hope Danny won't mind. You pick up your phone and call her. 

“Hey Danny, I'm so sorry something has come up I have to work late tonight. I'm sorry” You say as you start putting another pot of coffee on. 

“Oh yeah, no worries Hollis. Another time perhaps?” Her tone dropped and you could hear the disappointment in her voice.

“Yes! Definitely! I would really like that...” Danny didn't reply, “well I need to get back to work. Talk soon.” You hang up the phone, though Danny said it was okay you could tell she was just as sad about it as you were. 

While you were placing your phone under the counter the door burst open. 

“Hello sexy waitress lady!” Yells Kirsch. You jump at up out of surprise bashing your head on the counter and dropping your phone. 

“Ouch, Kirsch what the..?” You rub the back of your head as you stand up.

He comes bounding in with a football in his hand. It's clear he just came from training, as he has grass stains up his arms, dirt all over his face and he reeked of sweat and mud. 

“Do you think you could help me study?” He takes a seat at a table closest to the counter. He sits on the chair backwards so he is facing you. Rocking back and forth he continues, “you know... Like old times?” 

The door swings open before you got the chance to reply. A flirty giggle comes from the entrance you move your attention to the door. A dark haired girl in black leather jeans and a white t shirt with the sleeves rolled up had her arm around a blonde girl in a little black dress. 

“Elsie?” You had your eyes focused on the blonde, you turned your attention to the brunette you was whispering something into the blondes ear. “Carmilla?” 

Elsie’s persona shifted as soon as she realised where she was. “Shit, is Laf still here?” She spoke quietly still with Carmilla’s arm around her shoulders. “I told her I had a family emergency.” She looked guilty until Carmilla pulled her into a quick kiss.   
You roll your eyes at Carmilla’s bad habit of gross PDA. 

“No I'm closing the store. She had to leave but it's nice to know where you really went.” You put your hand on your hip and leaned on one arm against the counter. 

Carmilla unwraps Elsie from her arms and walks towards the counter. “Come on Cupcake, she needed a break.” She walks behind you and brushes her hand across your lower back. You flinch at the touch. She picks up the coffee pot and pours herself a coffee. 

You are shocked at how comfortable she is in the store to just pour herself a coffee and invade your personal space.

“I normally don't come in on Fridays but training was cancelled so…” She grabs a cookie out of a jar on the counter top. She takes a bite and walks back to Elsie who is watching Carmilla’s every move as if she is hypnotised, before continuing, “plus I'm hungry. So how about you get your pretty butt into the kitchen and make my girl and myself a burger. Yeah?” She bends down and the two girls meet lips. 

You are so frustrated about how rude she is. First you have to stay late because Elsie seems to be under Carmilla’s charm, secondly you had to miss date night with Danny and now you have to put up with Carmilla’s smart ass antics.

You smile a fake sarcastic smile before turning to Kirsch. “Would you like anything Kirsch?”   
Kirsch is staring intently at the two girls with a disgusted look on his face.

“Um… How about I help you.” He swiftly walks into the kitchen. Carmilla is now straddling Elsie. 

You pile up dirty dishes in the sink to make space on the bench for you to work on. Kirsch is leaning against the opposite bench eating the raw batter out of a dirty mixing bowl. You can't help but get angry at Carmilla for being so rude and treating Elsie like she is meat. You don't realise but your chopping up the lettuce like it murdered your family. 

Kirsch noticed how tense you were, “wow Laura.” He walks up behind you and grabs your hand holding on to the knife. “What did the lettuce do to you?” 

You drop the knife and let out a slow breath. “I had an amazing night with Danny planned and I got a paper I want to go home and start.” Your starting to get flustered, you seem to be getting angrier with the more you talk. “But now I have to close the shop because Jessica Simpson has a date with Dracula.” You nod towards the front of the store. “So I'm stuck here with a practically empty shop making burgers while they practically have sex next door!” You throw your hands in the general direction to the girls. Kirsch is clearly shocked by your little burst of anger. “I'm sorry Kirsch,” you relax your shoulders as you breathe in. “I would love to help you with your classes.” 

Kirsch held his shocked expression until he suddenly got excited as he heard what you said. “Really? Oh my gosh! That would be awesome!” he picks you up in a hug. 

“Hey Kirsch I still have burgers to make.” You barely can get the words out as he squeezes you so tight you left the air leave your lungs. 

“Oh right yeah, here let me help.” He smiles as he skips over to the stove. 

Once you’re done you walk out into the front of the shop with two burgers in hand. The two girls are now sitting at the table in chairs facing each other separated by a table. Elsie is laughing and watching Carmilla as she attempts to stick her spit balls on the roof.   
You place the burgers on the table getting the attention from the brunette. 

She leans forward and pulls the burger towards her. She inspects the burger before glancing up at you, “Thanks Cupcake.” 

You roll your eyes. You swiftly turn your back to the girl as you walk into the kitchen. You stay there until they all leave. You spend another 2 hours cleaning up and washing dishes. You close the door and lock it before walking back to your apartment.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
CARMILLA - 2 months before the first day of college. 

You just finished a very important meeting at Silas Stadium with the coach and managers of Silas U basketball team, The Panthers. They have given you a new training schedule and fitness program for you to follow to ensure that you are at your fitness peak before the season starts.

“We are very excited to have you on board Carmilla. A star player such as yourself is exactly what we need.” Coach King says as he walks you out of his office. “I am looking forward to working with you.” He places a hand on your shoulder.

Before you could reply the manager steps out and gestures towards the exit doors of the stadium. Both the coach and manager walk with you, “As long as you keep up your grades and stick to this program we shouldn't have a problem.” You nod in response.

As you walk down the hallway you can't help but notice that the walls are lined with photos, framed jerseys and trophies. 

“With the way I've seen you play you will get your name up there.” Coach K says with an encouraging smile. 

The manager holds open the door. “There’s no doubt about that. We will see you at training. If you have problems with your program let us know. I will change it up to better suit you.” He opens the door for you. 

You turn around to face the two men, “thank you so much for this opportunity. I can't wait for the season to start up again. See you at training.” You watch as the two men walk back inside. As you walk to your car you check your phone. 

Seven missed calls from Kirsch.

“What the?” You whisper to yourself. You unlock your car and fall into your seat. You check your messages. 3 messages from Kirsch. 

“Carmilla. They won't stop.” 

“They just keep yelling. I can't hear anything.” 

“Carmilla.” 

Your stomach drops and a heavy feeling sets in. You know something is up. Shit. You think to yourself. Your heart starts to beat faster.

A new message pops up startling you, “You have 1 new voice message.” 

You put your phone on speaker as you listen to the voice message as you start up the car your heart picks up its pace.

“Carmilla, I need you. They won't stop yelling. I fucked up. I fucked up. I don't know what I did. I don't know what hap…” You can hear the phone hit the floor and you can Kirsch in the background yelling and then the phone cuts out. Now your heart feels like it's about to jump out of your chest. 

“Dammit Kirsch!” You yell as you pull out of the car park. You put the phone up to your ear waiting for Kirsch to answer. He doesn't. You have no idea where he is but you drive around to the usual places. First the football field, then the old stadium and then finally your house. You pull up out front with your tyres screaming as you come to a stop. You fumble with your seat belt buckle. Finally it comes undone; you can't hear anything over your own heartbeat. You slam your door shut and run to your front door. Its open wide, you run into the lounge room. You look around there's no sign of Kirsch. 

“Kirsch!” you yell but no reply. 

You run into the kitchen, “Kirsch! Fuck! Come on you over grown puppy!” The cupboard is open and two bottles of bourbon is missing. “Shit.” You leap up the stairs missing every second one. Your heart is now going crazy. As soon as you’re up the stairs you turn the corner heading down the hall way to your room. You burst through the door expecting him to be there. 

Your room is how you left it. Dark with empty pizza boxes and soda cans expect now Kirsch's clothes are thrown on to the floor. “Kirsch!” You scream. 

“Carmilla.” A soft sad vulnerable voice comes from the bathroom. 

You turn your back to your room and walk down the hall way to the bathroom. You open the door slowly at first you don't see anything but then you look down. There's Kirsch, you breathe out in relief. Kirsch is curled up next to the toilet. He is leaning up against the wall with his knees pulled up to his chest. His knuckles are red raw with blood dried on them. He doesn't look up at you but you can see his eyebrow spilt and his nose bleeding. You take a step forward still watching him closely, he isn't crying anymore but he has a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand. He is fiddling with his hands and clenching his jaw. He is rocking back and forth hitting his head on the wall.

“Hey…What are you doing all the way down there?” You slowly make your way over to him. Kneeling down in front of him. He looks up and your eyes meet. But Kirsch is nowhere to be found. You meet empty blue eyes, bloodshot from crying. 

“They won't stop!” he yells as he picks up an empty bottle of beer with his free hand. “They are so loud! I didn't mean to do it.” He throws the bottle at the wall making you duck out of the way. It shatters on the wall. He slams his hand on his head.

Kirsch has anger management issues which he refers to as his second voice. This voice is violent and makes him do things he wouldn't normally do. That's why he got into football. Football helps him relax and get his anger out on a more productive way. He has no control over his anger and it almost always gets him in trouble. 

“It's okay Kirsch. Just tell me what happened?” You sit in front of him and cross your legs, your heart still wanting to jump out of your chest. You go to reach for his hands but he flinched away. “I'm here to help, I won't hurt you.” You say in a soft soothing voice. 

You have been soft for anyone but Kirsch has somehow found a soft spot within you. 

“I didn't mean to hit him. I just couldn't stop. He was yelling and yelling. He was so loud.” Kirsch's voice begins to crack. He swallows the lump in his throat and continues. “I didn't think Dads voice could get so loud. He was going to hurt her Carmilla!”  
He looks up and starts to cry. All you can do at the moment is hold his hands and whisper its okay. It breaks your heart to see him like this. “So before he could hurt her I hit him. But then I couldn't stop. I kept going and going. I told him to stop. I yelled ‘stop’.” He slams his head against the wall. “I told him to stop, stop, stop!” 

He drops his head into his hands “…and mum was yelling.” He squeezes your hands and turns his head to the side. “So… I turned to tell her. It'll be okay, I said.” He stops for a moment to breathe. He looks to you, “but she flinched. My own mum flinched.” He breaks down and leans into you. 

You hold him as you rock back and forth whispering it's okay. “She flinched.” He whispers as he sobs into your chest. You let him get it all out before you attempt to talk. 

“Hey... Hey...” you pull back. “I think you have had enough for one night.” You slowly take away the bottle of bourbon. “How about you and I go get some ice cream and then come home and play some Xbox? Yeah?”

“Really?” he looks up and you meet eyes. 

There he is. Kirsch is back, you can see the sparkle in his blue eyes start to form. “There's my best bud again! Any ice cream you like!” You say with a reassuring smile. 

“Sprinkles?” he asks.

“Sprinkles. Double chocolate?” You stand up and offer him a hand.

The car ride to the ice cream parlour was mostly silent. You pull up to the parlour but Kirsch doesn't move. 

“I called the police. They said they will take care of it but I need to go into the station tomorrow morning.” He said as he looks down to his hands resting in his lap. 

“Then we will worry about it tomorrow but for now we have a shit load of ice cream to get, okay?” You say as you turn off the engine and unbuckle yourself. “Now you stay here and I'll be right back.” 

You run into the ice cream shop. As you get through the doors you are stopped by a familiar voice.   
“Carmilla?” There was Laura standing right in front of you with two ice cream Sundays. You came through the doors so fast you almost ran into her. 

“Wow, hey.” Taken back by how lucky you are not to be on the floor covered in ice cream Sunday. “It's been awhile.” You step around her, she was just about to open her mouth, “I'm really sorry Cupcake, I’d love to chat but I have an ice cream emergency I need to attend to. But I'll see you around yeah?” you run to the counter. 

The rest of the night consisted of unhealthy amounts of ice cream and Xbox. 

Up until now your holidays have only included Xbox, training and Kirsch. Your mum came home for a week before she had to go on another ‘business’ trip. Which you didn't mind at all considering the way she treats you. You became official roommates with Kirsch as you settled into your new apartment across from campus and with the new training programs your fitness is beginning to improve. The police got evolved with the incident with Kirsch but his mum wouldn’t tell them the truth. Kirsch’s Dad still lives at home and Kirsch is always trying his best to stay out of trouble but his family seems to be going on a downwards spiral.   
From time to time the big puppy dog’s, Kirsch, second voice comes back making me lash out and smash a few beer bottles but nothing has gotten out of hand yet.

 

 

 

//

MID TERM

So far college has been amazing for you. You’re now a star athlete and you are playing the best you ever have. Though between trainings and parties you don't see much of Kirsch anymore despite living in the same apartment: and between the alcohol and training your classes have been suffering. You haven't talked to your Mother since she left which you don't really care about. You feel invincible. Like you’re on top of the world! But when you woke up today your hangover was unusually heavy. 

After a crazy night of bourbon, dancing and girls you are awoken by the ring of your phone next to your ear. You flinch at the sound. 

“Fuck.” You whisper as you grab your phone press the lock button and throw it across your room. You grab your head to try and stop it thumping. You open your eyes slowly and sit up. Resting back on your elbows your head spins. You push yourself up and cross your legs. Holding your head in your hands, you feel the sheets shift. You look next to you but your vision is too blurry to make out who is next to you. After rubbing your eyes they finally focus. Shit. A half-naked blonde girl is asleep next to you. You climb out of bed and look down at yourself. Undies check but your shirt and bra seems to be missing. 

“Great...” You roll your eyes and you push yourself up on to your feet. You walk to the shower using the wall to keep you up. 

In the shower you let the hot water run down your back as you lean against the glass. You attempt to remember the night but nothing comes it all is just a blur. 

After the shower, you get dress into sweat pants and a Panthers t shirt. You walk into your bedroom and lean against the door frame. You stare at the girl asleep in your bed, “what happened” you think to yourself as you run a hand through your hair. You hear the front door close behind you.  
Kirsch comes up behind you and looks into you room and the girl on the bed.   
“Do you know this one’s name?” He laughs as he walks to the kitchen. 

“Oh shut it… I think its Elsie.” You question your answer but then shrug your shoulders. Kirsch hands you a bottle of water. “How was class?” 

Kirsch sits in the lounge and turns the Xbox on. You are still leaning against your door frame staring at the girl in your bed trying to figure out who she is. 

“Meh, it was okay.” His voice sounds distracted as he plays Xbox. 

You walk further into your room and sit on the edge of your bed. You brush the blonde’s hair out of her face. She leans into the touch and her eyes slowly open. “Hey pretty, I hate to do this but I have things to do... Would you mind?” you nod towards the door way “Maybe we could catch up tonight?” 

The girl rolls her eyes, “yeah sure thing.” She gets up and gets dressed as you walk out of the bedroom and close the door giving her privacy. A minute later she walks out.

“I'll text you” You smile as you lean against the kitchen counter watching Kirsch play Gears of War. You don't notice her leave as you slump into an arm chair. 

You watch Kirsch for a bit before speaking, “Now how was class really?” 

“Shit. I don't even know what the professor is talking about. I'm going to lose my scholarship!” He says frustrated as he saws a grub in half and blood splatters on the TV screen. 

“Well what are you doing in class? I might be able to help.” You take the controller off Kirsch. 

He stares at you and laughs at your suggestion, “Oh please, you should be looking after your own scholarship bro. Between the parties and the girls I don't even know how you’re passing any classes.” He sits back into his chair. 

“I can look after myself. How about that girl, Laura, who helped you last year?” You flinch as you get into a tough section of the game. 

“That's actually a really good idea. Come with me to see her after training?” 

You grunt and pass Kirsch the controller.

“Pleeeaassee” 

“Okay, Okay. Fine but I'm bringing my play mate.” 

// 

After a couple hours of continuous Xbox you hear your phone buzz from inside your room. 

“Alright Kirsch, don't screw this up for me.” You pass him the controller before running into the room to answer your phone. 

You pick up the phone and check the call ID ‘Mother’. Oh great, you thought to yourself. You look at the door to make sure Kirsch isn't listening you close the door and answer your phone. 

“Hello Mother.” You say as you sit on your bed.

“Carmilla.” Something about the way she says your name sends chills down your spine. You can feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. “I am just checking up on my daughter. How is college? Have you settled in well?” 

Your surprised by how genuinely nice she sounds. “Um, yeah it's good. I am sharing a room with Kirsch. Classes are okay. I'm on top of it.” You sit on the side of your bed concentrating on what you are saying. Talking to your Mother is like walking on thin ice one bad move and you’re dead.

“Good. Well I will be in town on the weekend and I want to see you.” Your heart starts to beat fast. A visit from your mother is never a good thing. “I have to go. I will be in touch.” Then the phone cuts out. 

“Holy shit.” You don't know how to feel. It has been ages since you last saw her. If she is anything like she was before she left you need to clean up your act. 

//

On your way to Kirsch's football training you text Elsie, 

“Hey pretty, I'll be by your work in 10. I'll be waiting.” 

“Well apparently I have a family emergency ;) see you soon.”

You pull up out the front and Elsie jumps in your car. To distract yourself from the phone call earlier today you flirt an unusual amount with the girl in the passenger seat. You slip a hand on her upper thigh and keep it there occasionally squeezing as you drive. 

As Kirsch runs laps of the field you sit in the grand stand with Elsie under your arm. You can't help but think about all the possible reasons as to why your mother would be visiting. Your mother is a very hard woman. Ever since you were little it was always just you and her. She never understood you and was always about business. In fact so much about business that she was never home.   
Argh, stop over thinking. You think to yourself.

Fiddling with Elsie's hands you just sit there as she cuddles into you. You try to push the thoughts to the back of your mind while you ask Elsie about work. For the rest of the training session you watch the cheerleaders practice while the football boys run plays on the other side of the field. 

// 

With your arm draped over Elsie's shoulders you whisper into her ear teasing her about the cheerleaders. You burst through the door to be met with a surprised blonde. Laura. She snaps something at Elsie so to break the ice you do what you do best. Flirt.

You approach her slowly, “Come on Cupcake, she needed a break.” 

You walk behind the counter and brush your hand along her back. You pour yourself a coffee and take cookie. You suggest she go make Elsie and yourself some burgers before you die of starvation. You could tell she was getting frustrated at you. So just to annoy her you straddle Elsie and start to make out with her. 

You don’t know why you like playing around with Laura maybe it’s the bunched up face she makes when is angry or the way she doesn’t give you her full attention like the others either way you love getting on her bad side.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LAURA – interrupted date

Your week was pretty busy between work and school you didn't have a lot of time for Danny so you planned to meet up with her this morning for breakfast. Breakfast is at 9am and it's only 7am but you are so excited that you have already showered, cleaned your room and tidied the bathroom. In the mean time you sit and watch some morning news program. You can't help but be jealous of the news reporters. That is exactly what you want to do, you want to be on TV and bring breaking news to the public. While watching TV you don't realise that your thoughts have wondered to Danny. Lately, you have been so busy and haven't had a lot of time for Danny. Between Work and finding a new story to report on you have started to struggle with classes. You’re interrupted by your phone. Buzz. Buzz. You look down at the text on your phone. 

Kirsch: “Hey sexy reporter lady, r we still ok for this afternoon at my place?” 

You: “Yep! I wouldn't miss it :)” 

You are studying with Kirsch this afternoon at his apartment and you hope that Carmilla isn't there to ruin it. You love seeing Kirsch’s face light up once he understands something. He is so enthusiastic which makes studying a hell of a lot easier. 

Knock Knock 

You jump up and run to the door but before opening it you straighten up your yellow sun dress and tuck stray strands of hair behind your ear. You open the door but before you could pull the door fully open Danny bursts in she pushes you back and slams the door shut. You are completely taken back by what just happened. 

“Danny, are you okay?” You say as you stumble back. 

She grabs your hands and twirls you around, “You look beautiful! Sorry I’m early I just couldn’t wait any longer.”

She places a hand on your back and pulls you in for a kiss. 

As she pulls away you can see a massive smile on her face. “Well isn't someone chirpy this morning.” You giggle; you can feel your Cheeks turn red. 

“Are you ready my lovely girlfriend?” Danny holds the door open and gestures towards the door, “ladies first.” 

You grab your shoes and take off out the door. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CARMILLA - Friday Morning

Buzz, Buzz, Buzz, Buzz. You roll over and reach to your bed side table for your phone with your eyes still closed. You fumble around and you eventually give up. Sitting up you answer the phone. 

“Carmilla I have arrived a day early.” You sit up in shock. “I expect you to be at my house in 1 hour. We have some things that need to be discussed.” 

You sleepily struggle to form words, “Yes mother.” 

She hangs up the phone; you can feel those chills run down your spine. Eventually you gather the strength to pull yourself out of bed and walk to the kitchen. You reach into the fridge and pull out two beers.   
Kirsch is sitting on the couch watching his all-time favourite football movie, The Longest Yard. 

“Here.” You pass him a beer. 

“Isn't it too early?” Kirsch doesn't break eye contact with the TV. 

“Are you going to take it or do I need to drink it for you?” You push the beer into his hand and make your way back to the kitchen.  
You both crack the beer open at the same time, you put it up to your lips and skull it. You can feel Kirsch staring at you. Once the can is empty you throw it into the garbage can next to Kirsch which is already filled with empty beer cans.

You reach into the fridge and grab another one, “Liquid courage.” You say as you turn to Kirsch and raise an eyebrow. 

Kirsch rolls his eyes and then pauses the movie. “Well toilet break!” He throws the can into the back of your head and runs off to the bathroom. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LAURA - Breakfast Date

Your breakfast date went as all your other dates have been going lately, Danny rambling and you just listening. You barely get a word in. She goes on about her new basketball team and how she is loving being independent. She ordered your food for you and your drinks. Normally that would be a romantic gesture but today it just annoyed you. She treats you as if you’re a kid. She calls you to make sure you’re okay every morning and every night. She doesn't believe that you can look after yourself and she is more protective than your Dad is and that is saying something. She rang Laf and told her not to let you open or close the shop alone just to make sure you are safe. She reminds you of your father and you’re a little bit over being treated like a child. 

You sink back into your chair as Danny rambles on about her new friends. 

“Then there is this really nice girl Natasha who is helping me with my education class. She has been coming over every afternoon to help me… um study and stuff.” She takes a bite of her toasted cheese sandwich followed by a sip of her ice tea. “Oh and...” 

You interrupt before she can go on, “Danny, I'm happy for you but...” you notice her shocked expression on her face. You hesitate before you go, “but can we not talk about you for like two seconds.” 

Danny sinks back into her chair, “yeah of course.” She looks down to her hands. 

You feel bad for being rude but you couldn't handle anymore of Danny's ‘new Best friend stories.’ “I'm sorry.” you reach out with your hand open. “I guess I'm just tired. I've had a rough week.” Danny places her hand in yours and gives you a reassuring smile. 

She sits up, “How about you tell me about it then?”

Finally, she might actually listen to you for once. “Well I’m really struggling with this new paper. I have like five words down but I just don’t know how to start it and it’s really frustrating me…”

You’re interrupted by the overly eager red head, “You know what, I totally understand sometimes I just can’t get a certain skill down pat in training so I always leave it and then go back to it later. Maybe you should try that Hollis?”

Are you serious? Of course she makes it about herself.

“Yeah maybe.” You sound defeated. Clearly Danny doesn’t pick it up as she starts to ramble on about herself again.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CARMILLA - Mothers Meeting

You pull up out the front of your childhood home. It's a big old stone house with moss that climbs up the sides of the house. The fence is a perfectly cut square hedge that runs around the whole house. There is an old stone path that runs to the front porch. To the right there is a small one car garage and above it is backboard hanging on by one nail where you’re Dad and you use to practice every afternoon. You step out of the car and stare down the path. Just looking at the house is enough to make you clench your jaw as memories fill your head. Nothing good has ever come from this house. 

As you walk down the path chills run down your spine. Ever since you were little you hated being in this house. You get to the front door and take a deep breath before you reach for the door handle. You turn the handle and walk in. You look around and it is exactly as you left it. 

You walk into the lounge room and there she is, “Mother.” You attempt to greet her with a warm smile. 

She stands up, 5 foot 10 of pure business power. A tight pencil skirt with a white blouse tucked in matched with red lip stick and winged eye liner. Her black hair is pulled back into a tight bun. She gives you a look that could kill. 

“Carmilla.” She gives you a smile that makes you unbelievably nervous. She reaches out and hugs you. “Sit.” She gestures to the couch opposite her. “Would you like a drink?” 

You place your leather jacket next to you as you take a seat. “No I'm okay.” She glares at you making you swallow hard, “Thanks.” She smiles at you while taking a seat.

“I'm glad we could talk.” She straightens her skirt once she is seated, “As you know I have been away on an important business trip in England. As of last week I have decided to move over there to further my business ventures. I have been given an excellent opportunity to become partners with a major company. I hope that you will respect my decision.” She stares you down waiting for a reply. “Well, if I’m being completely honest, it really doesn’t matter whether you respect my decision or not. I’m still moving.”

You lean back into your chair. You don't know what to think or say. Your mum has never really been there for you so it shouldn't matter but England is a very far away. You sit forward lean your elbows on your knees, “Uhh... well that's…” She interrupts you. 

She pats her skirt and holds her hands in her lap. “I am selling the house. So I need it cleared out before Monday. I notice you have already taken your things but there are some boxes in the garage that I will have sent to you.” She stands up and you copy the action. “That is all. Thank you for coming by.” 

You stand and walk out the door. The door slams behind you and your whole body tenses up and then relaxes. Fuck. You walk to your car and drive home. The whole trip home you left empty, you feel like you have lost something but you aren't sure what it is. You haven't lost your mother because she was never there. 

Suddenly, you became filled with anger. You punched the steering wheel, “Fuck!” You pull up in your driveway. Your mother makes you unbelievably angry. Not just normal angry like Rhonda Rousey angry.  
You turn the car off but you just sit in the car. You don't know how you are meant to feel. You’re angry but you don't know why. You sit there and clench your hands into fists and then release them hoping it will help settle you down. You slam your door shut and walk up the stairs into your apartment.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
LAURA - Study session 

After your date Danny dropped you off at Kirsch's house, you’re an hour early but you don't care. You’re never too early to learn! You kiss Danny on the cheek and watch as she drives off. You walk up to the door and knock.  
As you knock the door opens, you stick your head in. “Kirsch?!” no answer. You walk in further through the kitchen, there's nothing but empty beer cans and pizza boxes. You roll your eyes, “Typical.” 

The bedroom door opens and you turn around. You jump back at the sight of a naked man standing in front with nothing but a beer can in his hand. 

“Oh my god!” You try to cover your face but you are too shocked. 

Kirsch looks up as soon as he hears you squeal, “Laura! Jesus…” Kirsch fumbles to grab a pillow. 

You are still in shock. You are stuck standing in the middle of the lounge room staring at a naked man junk. As soon as you realise your staring you turn around and cover your eyes.

“Kirsch what the heck?!” You yell as you try to erase the image of him and his man parts from your mind. 

He finally grabs the pillow to cover himself. He walks back to his room. “Well your early!” you hear him yell from his bedroom. 

He emerges from his room with a t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts on, “better?” he stands with his arms out.

You still have your back to him, “I don’t know is it safe to look?” You ask as you slowly turn around. Still covering your eyes with your hands. You slowly spread your fingers to look at Kirsch. 

“Much better!” You can't help but laugh at the whole situation. “Now where would you like to study?” 

Kirsch clears the coffee table and you get comfortable on a lounge chair while you get your books ready. 

“Would you like a drink?” Kirsch asks as he bends down to look into the fridge. “We have water, pine apple juice, milk and beer. Oh wait you can't have the Pineapple juice that is strictly mine.” He lifts his head up and smiles at you. You raise an eyebrow, “Alrighty! Water it is for the sexy lady.” 

An hour into study you have moved on from health and nutrition class to Sports psychology class. In order for Kirsch to keep his scholarship he needs to understand what happens in the mind of an athlete. Why Athletes get motivated, how they get motivated and stuff like that. There are heaps of social theories behind it all but he is having trouble remembering them. You’re up to the last social theorist for today when the door swings open and you’re interrupted.

You and Kirsch both turn to look at the very pissed off Carmilla standing in the door way.

She looks at you, then Kirsch and then back to you. She rolls her eyes slams the door shut behind her and walks to the fridge. She picks up the milk container and walks straight to her room. Before anyone could say anything, she turns around.

“Don't you dare come into my room.” She kicks the door open and then kicks it shut. 

You turn to look back at Kirsch who is clearly shocked, “Wow, what was that about?” 

Kirsch just shrugs his shoulders and looks back down to his paper. Another 20 minutes goes past and Kirsch calls for another snack and toilet break. He decides it would be a good idea to go get some pizza. He leaves you in the middle of the lounge room staring at your notes and fiddling with your fingers. 

Carmilla walks out of her room with an empty milk container in hand. “Great, your still here.” 

You roll your eyes and face your notes again, “Yeah well I'm not exactly thrilled to see you either.” 

“Where’s the puppy dog?” She asks with her head in the fridge.

“Something about a pizza break?” You reply while going over his study notes. “Is Kirsch okay?” You ask without thinking.

“I don’t know, why?” She shuts the fridge and sits up on the kitchen bench facing you. “What’s it to you anyway?”

“Oh, um, nothing.” You tuck your hair behind your ears and sit up. “He just really didn’t seem to get into the whole studying thing like he normally does.”

She opens the beer that she got out of the fridge, “Yeah well not that it’s any of your business.” She takes a mouthful from the can, “but he has some family stuff going on.”

You’re a little taken back by how snarky her replies were. “Who died to make you so bitter?” You snap back. As soon as you said it you could tell by the look on Carmilla’s face that you are about to regret it.

“Fuck Louis Lane. Go get up Superman’s ass and stay out of mine.” She storms back off into her room slamming the door shut.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
CARMILLA - Interrupted Study Session 

You walk up to your door and exhale before opening up the door. You have your head down and your hands in the pockets of your jeans. You look up to be met with a surprised expression from both Kirsch and… Laura? You glance at Kirsch hoping he would say something but he doesn't. He just sits there staring at you. Your jaw clenches and your hands roll into fists. That's it. You stare at Laura she is still sitting there just staring. 

“Fucking great.” You mumble under your breath. 

Via the fridge you walk to your room. You slam the door shut.

What the fuck just happened.

You hate seeing your mum for this exact reason. She makes you furious. She never looked after you. You raised yourself. You taught yourself how to cook, clean and look after yourself. She wasn’t a mother. She is a woman who dishes you money to keep quiet as she goes on a fuck spree nicknamed ‘business trips’ trying to climb to the corporate ladder. You can’t believe she is selling the house. The house with some of the worst memories but also some of the best memories you have. How dare she take this away from you?  
To make it worse you know what exactly is in those boxes that she is going to send to you. You’ve always been afraid of confrontation and this is going to be the biggest confrontation of them all. 

You lay on your bed and pull a photo from underneath your mattress; a photo of you, you’re Dad and you’re Mum just after one of your Dads biggest basketball games.   
Memories flood your mind you can barely hear yourself think. Memories of waking up to your mum and dad dancing in the kitchen while breakfast burnt on the stove. Shooting hoops with Dad, helping him wash the car. Memories of family board games night. 

You hear the front door open and then shut.

“Finally.” You whisper as you push yourself on to your feet. 

Leaning against the door frame you rest your head on your shoulder realising that Laura is still here you let slip you’re thoughts. “Great, you’re here.” 

As soon as you said it you immediately regretted it. You know you shouldn’t take it out on Laura. She is helping Kirsch with study and keeping him in University but you really can’t help it.

You both snap back at each other until she takes it one step too far.

“Who died to make you so bitter?” Laura snaps back.

Immediately you felt your heart drop. A lump in your throat started to form. You just felt your world shatter. You didn’t even really know what to say. There she is this innocent girl who just said the last thing you wanted to be brought up. You’re furious but also so upset. Your ‘smartass wall’ just attacked back by throwing another snarky comment back. 

You race off to your room slamming the door behind you. You stand staring at the door you just slammed.

What the hell just happened?


	3. Unconventionally Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to hit the fan.
> 
> Carmilla is confused.  
> Laura and Kirsch get into a mess.  
> Danny gets angry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More will be up tomorrow, I'm sorry for updating late.

CARMILLA – TWO WEEKS LATER. 

You have avoided ‘The Study’ for two weeks now. Seeing Laura after snapping at her is the last thing you want to do. You have concentrated on your training harder than usual hoping that it will distract you from your Mother and the boxes that will soon turn up at your front door. Every day you make frequent trips to your front door making sure you get to the box before Kirsch does. He has enough family problems he certainly doesn’t need yours. 

//

Training has just finished. To get home you have to cross the football field, walk through campus and the park, past The Study and three blocks before you reach your house. 

You are about to text Kirsch to come pick you up when your phone starts to ring. 

“Carmilla.” Your mother’s voice makes you stop in your tracks. “The first box of your father’s things will be delivered shortly. I am sorry for dumping them on you but I hope you understand that I cannot take them with me.” 

You open your mouth to talk but no words come out.

“You do understand don’t you? I can’t take worthless things with me.”

You know she doesn’t care whether you understand or not she is just testing your patience.

“Yes Mother.”

“Good. My assistant has just dropped it off.” She hangs up.

Of course it gets delivered the only time you are not home. Shit Kirsch. If Kirsch finds the box he is going to start asking questions and you really can’t deal with that. You put your phone in your gym bag as you take off down the stairs to the football field.

You have just done an hour of strength training and your legs are already burning. You sprint down three flights of stairs. Quick feet, quick feet. You think to yourself, left right left right. Your shoes hit the grass and you sprint even harder. Your legs pushing as your arms pump. Your heart is going a million miles an hour. You can’t let Kirsch get to that box.

You hurdle over a small fence. Your pace has slowed down a little as your legs begin to tire. Across the campus, in between buildings and down halls out to the park. You have never run like this in your life. You can feel the friction between your socks and the rubber of your shoes start to burn. You can’t focus on anything it’s either the lack of oxygen in your brain or the fact that you are running so fast that everything is blurred. You jump over a girl lying in the park, past the study and onto the streets. Three more blocks. You can feel the heat radiating off your body. Your black jersey and black bagging basketball pants aren’t helping anything. Your whole body is on fire. Your legs are burnt out, your arms feel like jelly. You decide to take off your jersey and took it into the back of your pants. Two more blocks. You have to go you have to push. Push Push Push. In the distance you can see Kirsch’s big red pick-up truck. Relief fills your body. You somehow manage to find strength to sprint one last time. As you get closer to your house through your blurry vision you can see the box. 

Good Kirsch hasn’t got to it. 

You sprint up your drive way, you try to stop before you reach the porch but your legs have forgotten how. You slam into the door but the pain doesn’t hit you which probably has a lot to do with the fact your whole body is burning. Every inch of you is aching but you don’t care relief has now filled your body. You lay on the porch holding the box in your hands. 

“Carmilla?” You look up to see a shirtless Kirsch looking down at you.

Before you had a chance to explain yourself Laura walks up next to Kirsch, “What the?”

You look her up and down; she is in nothing but a dark purple sheet. You look back to Kirsch and nod towards Laura waiting for an explanation.

“Really?” You ask them as you get up with the box under your arm.

“This…” Laura points to Kirsch, “is totally… you know… not what it looks like.”

Laura is stumbling over her words and Kirsch is leaning against the door frame looking rather pleased with himself.

“Yuk. I don’t want to know.” You push past them into the apartment.

“Where’s your Jersey bro and what’s in the box?” Kirsch closes the door behind him.

Not taking notice of what the puppy just said you give him a half assed wave. When you get to your room, you notice your sheet has been taken off your bed. 

“Really guys? You used my sheet?” You yell from your room.

“Wilson!” You hear Laura yell from the living room.

You sit the box on the bare bed as you pace back and forth in the room. 

“Fuck.” You whisper to yourself. 

You go to open it but before you could even make it to your bed you stop. With your hands reached out your body seems to stiffen, just like a glitch from a video game. You stay in the position just staring at the box. You don’t know what you’re meant to do. You know exactly what is in it but you just can’t bring yourself to open it.

You pull your chair from your desk and place it facing your bed. 

“Just open it.” You pace one way,

“Stop being so stupid.” You pace the other way. 

You go to open it but you stiffen up again. 

“Fuck!” You yell as you rip the chair towards you and sit on it. 

 

LAURA

 

“Done!” Kirsch jumps up and throws his hands in the air. His papers and stray notes fly everywhere. 

“Already?” You answer back.

“Hells yeah. Your like super smart so it’s so easy to get work done now. You’ve like helped me a lot. Your the best… bro…. lady... lady bro I’ve ever had!” He put his hand for a high five.

You return the gesture and start to pack up your things, “Well I guess I better get going.”

“You’re leaving?” He asks with a confused expression on his face. “Why don’t we go out and do something?” Kirsch says as he looks down. 

“I don’t know Kirsch it’s getting late and I have class tomorr…” You look up to see Kirsch.

He looks as if you have ripped his heart out or torn up his favourite football jersey.

“How can I say no to you?” A smile spreads across his face. 

You look down and you are still wrapped up in a sheet, “but first we need to stop at my room and get some clothes.”

“Well I was I actually thinking we could just hang out at your room?” 

“There isn’t much to do there though?” 

Kirsch races towards you, ”Or…or…or,” He sits down next to you, “We could invite Perry, Laf and maybe Carmilla?”

Your face drops at the sound of Carmilla’s name.

“Or maybe not?” Kirsch picked up on your facial expression. “Either way, we could all go out to this really cool lookout. We can put my mattress in the back of my truck and some pillows.”

You can’t help but notice how excited he is. He is practically bouncing up and down in his seat.

“Oh, oh, oh you can invite Danny. Perry can be in charge of snacks.” He jumps up and runs to the door. “Come on, let’s go!”

You pick yourself off of the floor, “First, let’s clean up these papers.”

// 

The car is packed. Perry, Lafontaine and you are sitting in the back seats of the Ute with a bunch of blankets and pillows on your lap. All three of you struggle to see over it.

You pull up outside Danny’s house. Kirsch honks the horn as the tall ginger runs out the door. 

“Yeah, yeah, calm down Jock Strap.” 

She gets to the car and gets in the front seat. The front seat is pushed as far forward as it can. “Tight fit hey?” 

“I did suggest that it would have been better to take two cars but boof head in the driver seat said otherwise.” Lafontaine says as they push the blanket down from their face. “Perry, as much as I love the smell of your hair, dear, could you please get it out of my face?” 

It’s safe to say the rest of the car ride was a struggle.

//

The lookout is beautiful. It’s hard to find words to describe it. It’s an old water tank reservoir that sits on top of a hill overlooking the city. There’s a concrete platform that is on the edge of the hill with a small old fire circle and two worn out plastic chairs. As you look around you can’t help but notice that everything is different up here. The grass is over grown unlike the city and it is much quieter up here than down there. It’s different. It’s good. Even the dirt isn’t like it is in the city. You walk to the platform and sit on the edge looking down at all the houses. 

“Hey L.” Lafontaine sits next to you. 

You don’t take your eyes off of the city, “Hey.”

“Danny and Kirsch have gone looking for fire wood and Perr is setting up the back of the truck.”

Their eyes follow yours down to the town below you, “I’m not normally one for being sentimental but it’s beautiful, ay?”

“Yeah…” You rest your head on their shoulder.

Laf continues, “but not like typical beauty.”

You look at them with a confused look, “What do you mean?” 

They speak quietly not wanting to ruin the silence that has consumed the air.

“I mean, can you feel it?” They lean back on their hands closing their eyes. “Everything is so still, so quiet.”

You do the same.

“And the air it is so pure like no one has ever touched it before. Even the dirt is different, it’s cold and soft.”

“I don’t want to burst your bubble but I’m still not following.” 

“Alright, look at the trees, L , they aren’t perfectly straight.”

“Yeah, so..” You’re still confused.

“They have pieces of bark and whole branches missing. Some are lop sided, some are even dead.”

You look around. You notice the trees, the old rusted tank; you notice how everything is so different.

“Those things normally wouldn’t be beautiful. If a tree died in the city they would rip it out and replace it, yeah?” 

You nod in response. 

“When the grass grows too long they mow it. Everyone is so busy down there burning themselves out. Trying to fix every, trying to make everything so perfect. It’s so noisy that when something or someone is quiet there’s something wrong.”

They pause for a moment letting the silence take over once again before continuing.

“It’s not that the perfect trees, the perfect grass and the perfect houses aren’t beautiful. It’s just up here everything is so.”

“Different.” You interrupt.

They smile “Everything is so unconventionally beautiful.”

You both sit there in the silence letting your thoughts take over. You lie down and let your body relax. You breathe deeply. It’s the first time in ages you have let yourself, stop and breathe. As you close your eyes you take in everything, the cold fresh air going through your nose and into your body. The way your legs dangle off the edge. How black the sky is in comparison to the stars.

A few moments later you are both pulled from your thoughts by Kirsch and Danny yelling at each other as they come out from behind the tank. Danny is holding a bundle of sticks and Kirsch has two logs under his arms. 

“Wilson, all I’m trying to say is that if you gave me more time I would have put on some more suitable shoes. If I knew where we were going maybe I would have chosen thongs or joggers instead of my white converse!”

Kirsch looks at her shoes, “The dirt and mud add character.”

//

Everybody climbs into the back of the Ute. Perry and Laf cuddle in close together leaning against the cabin while you and Danny sit on the tail gate. After lighting the fire, Kirsch lays right in the middle looking up to the stars. With one mattress, three blankets and half a dozen pillows everybody is comfortable. After three hours, two games of truth and dare, one game of eye spy, one bottle of cheap bourbon and one cheap bottle of vodka between the group you are feeling very tipsy. 

“Alright, alright. Laura, your turn.” Kirsch slurs.

“Truth!” You yell excitedly.

“Are you in love?” 

After the words left his mouth everybody stopped and stared. You and Danny have been dating for a while now but you both still haven’t said you love each other. Your hesitation is clearly visible to the group. 

Perry smacks Kirsch, “Wilson Kirsch. You just can’t ask people that.”

Clearly annoyed that Perry hit him, “Why not?! Are you in love with Laf?”

“Well yes but...”

Kirsch interrupts, “but... what?”

You don’t know what to say. You think you’re in love with Danny, you have to be. You have been dating for ages. In high school you thought you were in love. You can feel Danny’s eyes on you. 

“Of course I am!” The words just slipped out of your mouth before you could stop them.

You put a reassuring hand on Danny’s knee. You’re about to say something when your interrupted by a familiar voice.

“Kirsch?”

Everybody looks around trying to figure out where the voice came from. A dark haired girl walks out from behind the tank. Carmilla? She is wearing black ripped jeans and an old marron Cleveland NBA jersey. Her hair is up in a messy bun. 

Her voice was croaky and quiet. “Is she crying?” You think to yourself.

Kirsch jumps out of the back of the ute. “What are you doing up here?”

Danny being a little drunk pipes up, “Oh great dead girl is here!” 

Carmilla looks past Kirsch and notices everyone in the back of the truck.

“Hey Carmilla!” Laf yells from behind Kirsch.

“Lafontaine.” Perry puts a hand on their mouth.

“Really Kirsch? You brought The Brady Bunch up here.” She gestures towards the Ute. 

You can hear her heart breaking in her voice and Kirsch seems to be struggling to find words.

“If you don’t like us Karnstein go take a hike.” Danny points towards the cliff. 

Everyone’s eyes shoot towards Danny. Laf threw a pillow at her and Perry death stared her.

“Danny!” You hit Danny. 

A tension is building very quickly between the group and Carmilla.

“You don’t need to defend me Louis Lane.” 

Carmilla’s mood has shifted now. Before she was looking at the ground with slumped shoulders hiding her face. Now she is standing up right, staring directly at Danny looking like she is holding herself back from snapping. Carmilla is about to say something when she turns around. You hear Kirsch whisper, “I’m sorry.” But the pissed off girl doesn’t seem to care.

“No wait… Come back...” Danny sarcastically yells.

This time Perry snaps at Danny.

Carmilla spins back around more pissed off than ever, “By the way Xena I came home to both Laura and the Puppy half naked. You might want to get your little reporter tested.” Carmilla gestures to her ‘downstairs area’

She spins back around on her heel and sticks her middle finger up as she walks away.

“Oh and go fuck yourself!” Carmilla yells. 

//

Everyone watched as Carmilla walked away still holding her finger up in the air. Once she was out of sight you could feel every body’s eyes on you.

“Kirsch…” Perry says.

“Laura?” Lafontaine follows. 

Danny looks a mix between pissed the fuck off and her heart has just been smashed into a million pieces. She pushes your hand off her knee. Kirsch is still looking out for Carmilla while everyone else is staring at you. Before you could say a word Danny throws the blanket off herself and jumps out of the ute.

“Danny I can explain its…”

“No Hollis. You’ve said enough. I just need to think okay?” She storms off down the road following Carmilla.

You turn to Laf and Perry who are still staring at you with their mouths open.

“Kirsch and I?” You gestured towards Kirsch. “Really?”

Perry raises her eyebrow.

“No! Gosh no.” You reply. 

Kirsch looks at you as if he is insulted.

Nothing you say is going to make this sound any better. You have to tell the truth no matter how embarrassing it is.

“Kirsch not like that. Like you’re my best friend and lines like that can’t be crossed.”

Laf looks towards Kirsch. “Kirsch did you and Laura…”

“No, no way! I mean she is a major hottie but...” He pats your head, “She is a lover of the ladies and I respect that. Plus she’s my best lady bro.” 

You sit back against the tail gate and pull the blanket up against you.

“So let me explain what happened. After I locked up the shop Kirsch was throwing a football around out front. He was waiting for me to finish because he was going to take me back to his house to…”

“Woah Laura we don’t need details.” Lafontaine puts their hands over their ears. 

“To study.” You take a big breath in. “While I was making the red icing that Perry wanted for those…” 

Perry cut in, “Red velvet cupcakes.”

“Yeah, well when I was putting the food colouring in the mixture Kirsch accidentally threw the football at me which made me spill the red dye all over my pants.”

“This is why aprons are so important Laura.” Perry scowls at you. She turns to Kirsch and hits him over the head with a pillow, “and since when was it okay to throw football or play sports in the café?”

“I know, I know, my fault I’m sorry. Anyways after I cleaned up the mess I look down at it looked like I had that 'time of the month'.” You put your head in your hand.

“By this time I have already taken like a billion photos!” Kirsch excitedly says as he jumps back into the truck.

“So we go back to Kirsch’s place I have a shower but somebody forgot to do the laundry so they had no towels!” You give Kirsch a death stare, “So this genius gives me a sheet to wrap myself in while he finds clothes for me.”

Kirsch interrupts, “We were half way through finding clothes when we heard a massive bang at the front door." He leans in close, "Between us I was hoping it was Big Bird running into the door but nope! There was Carmilla shirtless on the ground.”

“So yeah she did catch us at the wrong time. It did look real sus.” You look towards Kirsch, “Plus, it was really embarrassing because the girls’ soccer team walked past as soon as we decided to run from The Study to the car.”

Perry looks so overwhelmed and Lafontaine is trying their hardest not to laugh. Laf brings their hands up to high five both you and Kirsch. Kirsch takes a swig of the bourbon and you pick up the vodka. 

“Well tonight was eventful.” You took a swig of the vodka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More will be up tomorrow, I'm sorry for updating late.   
> This chapter was written on my phone.


	4. Unconventionally Beautiful part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an add on from the last chapter.  
> Its a bit happy, its a abit sad and its a bit painful.
> 
> ALSO THIS CHAPTER TALKS ABOUT DEPRESSION (If anyone has any triggers)

CARMILLA

It’s been three days since you ran into Kirsch and the Brady Bunch up at the look out and you’re still avoiding them. You would feel bad for going off like that but Kirsch knew how special that place is to you but yet he still took people up there. It’s also been three days since that box arrived and you still haven’t opened it. It’s not that you’re scared to open its just… _what the hell you are definitely scared to open it._ You get nervous looking at it. Your whole world is in that box. Your whole world is still sitting on bed and has been for the past three days. You’ve been ignoring Kirsch so much that you haven’t been home. You’ve been crashing at your cousins, Will’s, house for the past three days. The trouble is he lives on the other side of town so getting to Uni is a struggle. Will was always over your house when you were kids. You called yourselves The Inseparables. Once your Dad died everything changed though and you never really saw Will again. 

 

//

You pull out a bottle of orange juice out of the fridge and take a mouthful from it. You have just gotten out of the shower. Your hair is down and damp. You’re wearing black bummers and a Heat jersey. Your about to get comfy on the sofa when there is a knock on the door.

You open the door to be met with Laura.

She puts her hand in her jean pocket, “Hey.”

You lean against the door frame as you consider closing the door and going back inside. You really don’t need drama right now… and like you said before your bad with confrontation.

You run your hand through your wet hair, “Kirsch isn’t here.”

You go to walk back inside and shut the door when the small honey blonde girl talks.

“Actually I came here to talk to you.”

You turn back around to face her, “and?”

_Please don’t be about the other night._

She slips her other hand in her pocket, “It’s about the other night.”

_Dammit._ “Look Laura as much as I would love to stay and chat, I have things to do.”

You turn around to shut the door once more.

“I want to apologize for what Danny said.” She speaks a little louder.

You stop.

“It clearly upset you. Well more than you already were. I just yeah I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

You turn back around. Now you definitely feel bad for going off at them. You look into Laura’s eyes, they are innocent and sweet. You know she is genuinely sorry about what happened. Behind that tough girl exterior you have a soft spot for little Laura Hollis. You must have got lost in thought because the girl begins to speak.

“Yeah well I just wanted to say sorry and… yeah.” She goes to turn around when you speak.

“It’s okay Cupcake.” You say with a smile.

She turns back around and almost jumps from excitement. “Oh really? Wow, thank god. I was really afraid you were still angry at me and you weren’t going to open the door. But then you did and then I was scared you weren’t going to say anything back.”

You just stand there watching her ramble on.

“And I have to admit you took a while to say anything. But then you said its okay and you called me Cupcake. Which is cute.”

You raise an eyebrow.

She notices what she just said, “because… you know… you said its okay.”

You step back in to the house, “I was just about to watch a movie if you want to join me?”

Hers eyes widen. You continue, “cause Kirsch will be back soon and I know he wanted to catch up with you.”

You lied about both things. Kirsch won’t be home for another 2 hours and you have no idea if Kirsch wants to catch up with her or not. You have no idea why you invited her in. Before you opened the door you wanted to be alone but now you really don’t want her to leave. You even lied in hopes she would stay.

You put your favourite movie on and walk to the kitchen. Laura makes herself comfortable on the sofa.

“Do you want a drink?” You walk to the pantry, “Or something to eat? I have cookies?”

Laura’s head pops up over the couch, “choc chip?”

“Only the best for you Cutie.” You grab the packet of choc chip cookies and throw it to Laura.

“Eee!”

You jump over the back of the sofa and land right next to Laura. You can feel a strange pulling in your heart as you realize your hand is on hers. You have never felt that before, or maybe you have? Either way, you like the feeling. You can’t help but smile. She doesn’t notice you staring at her because she is too busy trying to open the packet of cookies. You snatch them off her and her face drops. Now she just looks like a sad puppy or even a cinnamon roll. How can a person look like a food it just doesn’t make sense. But then again neither does Laura.

“Here…” You open the packet and take one.

She snatches the packet back and digs in. With one cookie in each hand and one in her mouth she turns and tries to smile with her mouth. That feeling comes back but this time stronger.

You adjust yourself on the sofa so you are comfortable.

“Hey Laura…”

“Yeah Carm?” She says with a semi full mouth.

“I’m sorry about going off the other night. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.” You look down and fiddle with your hands.

You aren’t one to apologize so this all feels weird. You hate swallowing your pride but you know it’s the right thing to do. Laura really didn’t deserve what you did.

“Woah how does that taste?” She laughs.

“I’m serious. You didn’t deserve it” You bite your lip.

She puts her hand on yours, “It’s okay,” she strokes her thumb across your hands.

She sits up so she is kneeling on the sofa facing you. “You do know that Kirsch and I didn’t have sex?”

A smile spreads from ear to ear on your face, “Of course I know that!” You laugh.

“What?” She rolls her eyes. “How?!”

“Well Kirsch is very um…” You think of a way you can put this without being mean.

“Your very pretty Cupcake and yes Kirsch does get a lot of girls but ‘pretty’ girls isn’t normally his thing. He goes for the easy girls, and you Laura Hollis are not easy.”

Her mouth is wide open, “Hey!”

“But I am a bit disappointed. When I imagined you wrapped up in my sheet that’s not exactly the situation I pictured.” You winked at the now blushing girl and reached for the remote. She lets out a giggle.

“Well Danny and I sorted it out. Took a bit of explaining but we figured it out.”

//

As the movie played both your posture and Laura’s posture failed. You sit sloped in one corner with your hand resting in the packet of cookies on the side table next to the sofa. Laura’s head rests on your lap, she has one leg hanging over the back of the sofa and the other lying on the sofa. You are so involved in the movie that you didn’t realise Kirsch and Lafontaine walk in.

You’re playing with Laura’s hair as Kirsch taps you on your shoulder making you jump.

“Fuck Wilson.” You hit him in the leg.

BAM. Your smartass wall is back up again.

Lafontaine is standing next to Laura and Kirsch is now standing in front of you blocking the TV.

“Um are you two comfortable?” Laf says as they put their hands on their hips and raise an eyebrow.

Laura looks up at you and her eyes go wide as if she has just realized how this must look. She quickly sits up.

“Hey guys!” She says as she fixes her hair. “Carmilla and I were just watching a movie.” She points behind Kirsch to the TV.

“Mhm, that’s exactly what it looks like.” Laf rolls their eyes.

“We were just about to go pick you and Perry up for ice cream but since you are so comfortable here…” Kirsch gestures towards the sofa and nods to you.

You continue ignoring him as you pick at your fingers. You can tell Laura is discouraged at your quick change of mood but what does she except? You are soft for her but your walls are still up for everyone else.

“We may as well chill out here.” Kirsch smiles.

“Well…” You stand drawing everyone’s attention, “I’m going to go, I’m sure I can find some place better to be like, oh I don’t know anywhere but here!” You walk to your room and slam the door.

//

You walk into your room and find the closest pair of black jeans. Once you’re dressed you go to open the door but some pull in your body you look back to your bed. And then you saw it. The box. You swallow the lump in your throat. You don’t know whether its anger or sadness. You are so confused. You take your leather jacket that’s hanging on your door and walk out to the lounge room.

Perry is now over and the whole gang is sitting in the lounge room playing an intense game of Uno. You can tell Lafontaine has pulled at their hair a couple times by how messy it is standing. Perry looks like she is about to cry and poor Kirsch is just too confused. You look to Laura who looks back at you with a smile.

“Seeyah Cupcake.” Say before opening the door and leaving.

///

You’re awoken by a slam of a door. You look at the clock , **_3:45am._** Still hazy from being awoken from a deep sleep you try to get up. After rubbing your eyes a few times your vision clears. You walk out of your room into the lounge room turning on every light along the way. Your still making your way down the hall way when you hear a yelling

“I fucking hate this place! I fucking hate it!” Kirsch yells and he throws a beer bottle across the room.

It smashes in the kitchen; you run down the hallway and slide into the lounge room.

“Wow Kirsch what’s wrong?” You grab him by his arms.

He pushes you off himself making you fall onto the sofa.

“I fucking hate him.” He punches the brick wall, “I hate him.” He does it again this time making his knuckles burst open.

“Hey…hey…hey.” Run towards him, “Kirsch calm down.”

You don’t know what to do. Your still half asleep and not everything that is happening your processing.

He turns to you. His eyes are red and his lip is bleeding. He balls his hands into fists. You’ve never been scared of Kirsch until now.

“Hey Buddy, whatever it is we will fix it.” You walk cautiously towards him.”Lets just calm down hey?”

Your in the corner of the lounge room next to the TV. Kirsch bends down and flips the sofa over it hits the coffee table making it fly in your direction. It just misses you but slams into the TV. A bottle off of the table hits you in the head immediately giving you a throbbing head ache.

“Wilson Kirsch!” You scream as you hold your head.

 

Kirsch looks up and around the room. His hands are shaky. You know he knows that you’re hurt. His eyes become soft again.

You speak quieter, “What’s gotten in to you? This isn’t how you treat me or anyone.”

“I’m just like him.” He drops to his knees and looks up at you.

You can see his heart break. You don’t know why he keeps going back home. Almost every time this happens. Kirsch says something wrong, his Dad yells at him his mother defends Kirsch and then his Dad goes crazy.  

You kneel down next to him, “No you’re not.” You rub his arm, “You are so much more.”

“I don’t want to be here anymore.” He breaks down and slams his fist into his leg.

Your heart breaks at the sound of those words.

“Come on bro,” You gently nudge his arm, “Don’t be like that. Maybe you just need a shower and some rest. I’m sure all of this will blow over in the morning.”

“Yeah.” He doesn’t look up at you.

“Have you got tutoring tomorrow or football practice?”

“Yeah.”

“There you go!” You jump up and offer him your hand, “You have so many things to look forward to tomorrow.”

He gets up walks to the freezer gets a cold pack and walks towards his bedroom.

“I’m just going to get some rest.” He says before walking into his room.

//

You wait up abit to see if Kirsch needs you but by 6am you figured he would be already asleep. Your alarm for your 6:30 run is about to go off so you decide to get a head start. You put your training gear on and write a quick note to Kirsch before taking out the door.

You start off with a slow jog to warm up. As your jogging you think back to what had just happened. Kirsch needs to get some help before it’s too late. If he keeps carrying on like this, in a constant war between telling the police and keeping his family together, in a battle between good and bad he will end up burning himself out. His Mum will not tell the police so Kirsch has to do it or his Dad will just keep hurting him.

You start to pick up the pace. You love running. It’s a release. When you run you think. Normally thinking makes you angry or sad but when your running its completely different. Every step, every time you touch the ground it’s a release. A release of emotion, of thought, of energy. Almost like your giving back to the earth. You feel the ground under your feet every time you push off. Your Dad always said you get what you put out. You haven’t been running in a long time maybe that’s why you’re feeling things, feeling emotions, feeling that familiar pull.

You run a little harder.  
The box is now sitting on your desk. The guilt of not opening it setting in and every time you ignore it the pull gets harder. Your Dad would want you to open it, you know that. So why is it so hard to do? Your still mad at your Mother for giving it to you but you would rather it be with you than to be in the trash.

The thought of your Dad makes you run harder.  
Why did you feel that pull when you were with Laura. Laura. The thought of her drives you insane. That girl is so damn hard to figure out. You have everyone else figured out. Some thing happened to Perry in the past that she couldn’t control that’s why she is always fixing, cleaning and controlling things. Kirsch is a puppy dog because people have never given him a chance at anything other than the ‘dumb boy roll’. Lafontaine is just Lafontaine. And you, well your messed up to the rafters. But Laura Hollis, you have absolutely no clue about her. Sometimes she makes you so crazy but other times she can make you so soft. The walls you’ve spent so long building and reinforcing come crashing down when she is around. Every time you two touch there’s that familiar pull.

You push yourself a little faster.


	5. Head Aches, Butterflies and a Familiar Pull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot happens in this chapter. Laura drinks a little too much and Carmilla isn't such a bad girl after all.

CARMILLA

Your whole body tightens up as the cold water hits your hot body. You lean against the shower wall and let the water run down your back. You can feel the goose bumps form. They start at you ankles and make their way up your body. The mixture of cold water on your aching hot body allows you to calm down.

Your run was fast and hard. It felt so good to finally get a release. You’ve been so involved with the box that you have forgotten what it felt like to just, run. You tilt your head back letting the water hit your face.

Kirsch needs you now more than ever. You’ve decided to put the box under your bed and simply just be there for Kirsch. He needs your full attention now. It’s your fault Kirsch has gotten this bad. You haven’t been there for him lately and ignoring him was the last thing he needed. You can’t let him slip through your fingers like you did with your Dad. Your jaw clenches then releases.

You rest your head on the tiles and let your arms hang. Your legs are jelly and your arms are aching from the hour run. You turn the hot water tap making the water turn from cold to lukewarm. You let out a relieved sigh as the warm water runs down your back. You look down watching the water spiral down the drain. You hear the door crack open.

“Hey.” A sad apologetic voice says from the door way.

“Come in.”

You and Kirsch have gotten very close over the last couple of years. So close in fact that having a shower without him intruding is just weird. Your brother and sister relationship doesn’t make seeing each other butt naked awkward. Well at first it was weird but there have been many cases where you have had to pick each other up off the ground drunk and naked that now nudity is just a normal thing that comes with the territory.

“How are you feeling this morning Rhonda Rousey?” You proudly smile at the comment.

Kirsch puts the toilet seat down and sits on it.

When he doesn’t reply to you you pop your head around the shower curtain.

“Come on…” You sigh, “I thought that was a good one.” You say trying to keep this conservation light.

You can tell by the look in his eyes that this conservation is going to be anything but light. 

“I’m sorry.” He rubs his face hard with his hands, “I don’t know what happened.”

You sigh in understanding, “Hey Kirsch.” You turn the water off and wrap yourself in a towel.

“I’m not going to say that it’s okay because to be honest it’s not okay. It’s not okay to yell at me like that or throw an entire sofa at the TV. I understand you get angry but you have to talk to me okay.”

He looks up, “How could I talk to you when you were ignoring me?”

You kneel down in front of him, “I’m sorry I ignored you when you needed me.” You drop your head on his knee before looking up, “But buddy, you need to tell me what’s going on in here…” You point to his head, “And in here...” You point to his heart, “Before it gets too much okay?”

“Yes mum.” His signature bad boy smirk spreads across his face.

You gently nudge his arm before standing up, “You dick.”

He pats your head, “Thanks for the pep talk.”

He pulls you into a tight hug resting his chin on your head.

You hold him tight. You know how fragile he is even if he isn’t showing it. He needs you you can’t just ignore that.

“Im here Kirsch, always here.” You nuzzle into him.

“I know.”

 

 

//

You lean against the kitchen counter as you watch Kirsch clean up the angry mess from last night. Unfortunately, the TV didn’t make it through last night. There is a crack that runs from one side of the 57’ inch TV to the middle than splits into two. Kirsch has creatively drawn up a tombstone that reads, “RIP TV. May the force be with you.” He has taped it to the top of the TV and has placed a beer can under it as a sort of memorial.

“In loving memory of a good friend.” He raises his beer to the TV before taking a sip.

He stays standing in front of it in silence for a moment before sculling the rest of his beer.

“Well now that’s over and done with.” He throws the empty beer can in the trash and jumps over the sofa towards you, “What’s for breakfast?” 

You can’t help but laugh and shake your head at the dork.

“Alrighty!” You straighten out your apron, “We have waffles!” You dramatically point to the plate of waffles to your left. You spin around as if you’re in a scene from ‘Grease’ on Broadway. You mock Danny Zuko’s voice, “And we have bacon!” You sing while you point to the stove on your right.

You dramatically kick your leg in the air and with finger guns you point to the two cups in front of you, “And Orange Juice!” You shoot one of your finger guns, “Bam!” and then the other, “Pow!”

“I love it when you talk dirty to me Karnstein.” Kirsch licks his lips.

“Oh don’t you know it baby.” You say as you straighten out your apron.

No one except from Kirsch brings out this side of you. Yeah, you maybe be tough and closed off but for some reason when you’re with Kirsch it feels like old times. Maybe because Kirsch was around when your father was still alive. He and Will were best friends and you always played three-on-three. Kirsch knew you before life got hard. He knows the real you and your not scarred to show it.

 

You plate up breakfast and sit on the bar stools at the counter. Kirsch nudges you and begins to talk with his mouth full.

“So you and Laura hey?” He says his eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh are you serious?” You roll your eyes and sip your juice. “Please, we just watched a movie.”

“Mhm.” He snaps his fingers, “That is not what it looked like. Like at all!”

You play with your food, “Laura is… nice.” You exhale. “And she came around and apologized to me. I couldn’t really say it’s okay and then dump the girl on the street after she just swallowed her pride.”

You half lied. Yeah sure you didn’t want to shut the door on her after she just manned up and apologized to you for something that wasn’t even her fault. She’s too good for her own good. But you also bounce off of Laura. There’s a pull that just attracts you to her. You want to know her, you want to find what the hell is causing this pull.

“I’m sure.” He rolls his eyes in disbelief. “Well…”

“What?”

“There’s a house party on down the street, wanna come?” Kirsch gets up and takes his empty plate to the sink.

“Is there drinking?” You look up now interested in the subject.

“There’s drinking!” He yells and points at you like an over enthusiastic sales man.

“Is there ladies?” You laugh.

“There’s ladies!”

“oh alright I’m in.”

“Ladies…” He points to the left, “And gentlemen…” He points to the right, “She is in!” He swings his hand up for a high fire.

 

 

LAURA

You take out your phone and look at the time, 8pm. You pace back and forth in your room. You take out your phone again, 8pm.

“Geez Laura, your giving me a head ache.” Betty says as she throws a pillow at you.

You stop pacing and look down at the pillow. You pick it up and toss it back.

“She’s late B.” This time you check your watch, “She’s never late.”

Betty rolls her eyes and puts her magazine down.

“Is that what you’re wearing?”

You look down at your outfit. “Yeah?”

She stands on her feet and quickly moves to her cupboard, “You cannot wear a cat sweater to a party. To a real life party Laura. With beer…”

You look down and frown, “But it’s cute?”

“But you’re not 12.” She rolls her eyes and throws a skirt and a shirt at you, “Try that on.”

“But…” You point to the door

“No buts, go!” She points to the bathroom.

//

You walk out of the bathroom looking down at your outfit. You’re not completely uncomfortable… the outfit is certainly different from what you usually wear. Maybe it’s a good different?

“I don’t know…” Your still looking down, “Isn’t the shirt a bit revealing?”

“Wow!” Danny’s mouth drops.

“Told you.” Betty crosses her arms in front of her.

You look up to be met with all eyes on you. Danny’s mouth is dropped wide open and Betty nods her head in approval.

You look down at your new outfit. You’re wearing a high waisted black skirt and a short electric blue V neck shirt that shows off your midriff and cleavage with a pair of black heels to match. You hair is out and parted on the side. Betty walks up to you and gives you a kiss on the cheek.

“Now you two love birds better get going before the party starts without you.” She basically pushes you out the door. “I will pop by later.”

//

 

Hand in hand with Danny you walk into the party. The house is virtually empty except for a couple of people getting drinks and a few who are making out on the lounge. Danny leaves your side to go get both of you a drink. You walk through the house until your met with a familiar smile.

“Hey Perry.” You smile and give her a tight hug.

She looks you up and down, “You look lovely! Revealing but lovely.”

“Thanks,” you laugh, “it was all Betty.”

You look around for Laf but can’t see them, “Where’s Laf?” You continue to look.

“Oh they are on the dance floor.” Perry rolls her eyes and point out side to the balcony, “When you find the person doing an awkward sprinkler and an attempt at the wave then you’ve found them.”

You both laugh.

Danny comes up behind you and wraps an arm around your waist before handing you your drink.

“Danny you look ravishing as always.” Perry takes notice of Danny’s empty hand. “Not drinking tonight?”

“As do you my lovely Perry. Nah, I have class tomorrow and plus I’m letting my little munchkin let loose.” She pulls you in tighter.

“Fair enough, it’s always nice to have at least one sober night.” Perry turns to you, “I’m actually getting a drink so ill…”

You push Danny’s arm off of your waist, “I’ll come with you.”

“Kirsch was looking for your Danny.” Perry smiles.

“Oh okay cool. I’ll go find him.” She kisses your cheek and then exits outside.

//

You follow Perry to the drinks table.

“So what was that about?” Perry bends down into the fridge.

“What do you mean?”

“Laura I may choose to ignore somethings sweetie but I’m not oblivious. What’s the go between you and Danny? You couldn’t wait to get away from her.”

Despite the noise outside you only need to raise your voice a little bit for Perry to hear.

“That obvious, huh?” You push yourself up on to the kitchen counter opposite the drinks table.

“You can talk to me sweetie.” Perry puts a supportive hand on your knee.

“I don’t know Perry. She’s just…” You run a hand through your hair. “She’s different. She’s been late to almost every one of our dates and whenever she actually decides to show up on time she is always distant. It’s just… it’s not like her at all.”

Perry thinks for a moment, “I see… Have you tried talking about it?”

“That’s the thing! She won’t let me talk. It’s always about her and when it’s about me it’s about how I don’t take care enough. She’s way too over protective.” Now that you are rambling your hands start following. “She’s always up me for walking home and staying out late. Now she got me wine!” You empty the drink in the sink next to you, “I don’t even like wine!” You rest your head in your hands in defeat.

“Im not normally one to resort to these measures but…” She hands you a drink, “I suppose desperate times call for well… desperate measures.”

You raise an eyebrow at the drink.

“Its vodka and lemonade.”

You tip the drink back and drink the lot. Perry hands you two shots, you shot them straight away. You jump off the counter and follow Perry out on to the dance floor. You can’t find Danny anywhere, she isn’t by the beer pong tables with Kirsch and she isn’t in the pool so you decide to dance with the ginger twins.

The DJ plays ‘Get Low’ by Lil Jon and both you and Laf dance your hearts out. Perry has given up and is resting on one of the three lounge chairs that line the dance floor. The whole party is absolutely pumping and you’re having a ball. As the song sings, _To the window…_ You and Laf point to the window and then back to the wall. You both run your hands down your body as the song sings _as the sweat drips down my balls._ All of a sudden you both simultaneously drop it.  As you guys stand up the crowd cheers you on, you high five Laf before the both of you stumble off the dance floor and to the drinks table. You pour four shots each.

Laf looks at you and smiles, “Are you ready?”

You smile back, “Hell yeah!” You yell as you down the shots.

“Time to girl the hell up and party!” You yell at the top of your lungs.

You both make your way back to the dance floor but you run straight into Danny which made Laf run straight into you. You have no idea how you didn’t see the 6’3 ginger.

“Danny.” You try not to slur as you speak.

She leans down to talk, “I have to go babe.” She kisses your cheek, “I’m sorry, my roommate lost her key and she can’t get in plus I have class in the morning. Sorry pumpkin.”

Before you could reply she walks off. You look at Lafontaine who is already looking at you with a crooked eyebrow.

“Don’t even start.” You roll your eyes.

You take a bottle of vodka off a boy walking past you and take a mouthful.

//

The music is so loud you think it’s making your hair vibrate. Your mouth is numb and your whole body is tingling. The alcohol has hit you like a truck. You have been dancing for a solid hour now. A couple boys and girls have come up and danced with you since Lafontaine and Perry have gone up stairs to ‘relax’. ‘Work’ by Fifth Harmony plays and all the girls on the dance floor scream. You jump up and down with the bass and move your hips to the music. Betty comes up behind you and puts her hands on your waist.

“I told you this outfit is killer.”

You turn around, “Betty!” You grab her hand and spin her around looking her up and down.

“No your outfit is killer!” You both have to lean in close so you can hear each other.

“Where’s your other half?”

You just shake your head and take one of the two drinks in Betty’s hand and you both scull them.

You both throw the red plastic cups on the ground.

“Wanna dance?” You offer Betty your hand.

She takes it and you turn so your back is pushing into her front. You look up and see Carmilla leaning against the door staring at you intently. You look her up and down. She is wearing black high heels, tight black leather pants and a black lace corset perfectly matched with red lipstick winged eyeliner and loose curls that drape perfectly on her shoulders.

Maybe you’re just drunk but you swear you just saw her bite her lip and wink at you. Something comes over you. Something dirty, naughty and new. You press your ass into Betty. You wink back to Carmilla who is still staring at you. Betty has picked up on what you’re doing and moves her hands down your sides and holds onto your hips.

Geez Laura what has gotten into you? Why are you trying to make Carmilla jealous?

You turn back to Betty as the song changes.

“You dirty girl Laura.” Betty laughs and shakes her head, “I got you girl.”

‘Hands to myself’ by Selena Gomez starts playing.

The alcohol has definitely gone straight to your head. You pressed your back into Betty’s front. You grind your hips to the music. You tipped your head back onto Betty’s shoulder. Gripping the blonde girl’s neck pulling her lips down onto your skin. You bite your lip as you run your own hands down your body. You look to Carmilla, just as expected she hasn’t taken her eyes off you. Betty’s arms pulled you harder into her as she nibbled on your ear.

_Laura Hollis what are you doing. Why are you doing all this for a girl who you barely know._

Having Carmilla stare at you hungrily is turning you on greatly. What is this girl doing to you? You would have never done this for Danny. You never even thought about it until you saw Carmilla standing there staring.

The song finishes and you spin back around to thank Betty before walking off in the opposite direction to Carmilla. You look behind you hoping she is following. When you realize she isn’t anywhere in sight your heart drops.

_What if I dance how I run? Oh my gosh, WHAT IF I DANCE HOW I RUN? What if the whole time I looked like a dying antelope trying to escape hunters. Dammit Laura. Your never going to face that girl ever again._

You’re pulled from thought by a massive bear hug.

“Laura!” Kirsch picks you up and spins you around.

Your stomach does flips in your body. You manage to throw a hand over your mouth to stop yourself from vomiting.

“Quick come, I need a partner!” Kirsch throws his hands up and rushes over to the beer pong table with you in hand.

//

After two games off beer pong and absolutely zero interactions with Carmilla you decide it’s time to go find the ginger twins. With your vision blurry and your non cooperative legs you make your way to the house. You lean against the kitchen counter to balance yourself. You can feel the liquid in your tummy moving with every step. You feel it start to come up. You look around for a place to vomit. You race up the stairs as quickly as you can. You throw yourself on the ground of the toilet and bend over the bowl. You feel every drink you have downed come straight back up. As your stomach tries to crawl out your mouth and vomit comes out your nose you wish Danny or somebody was here to look after you. You vomit again.

You here the door open, “Shit Laura.” Somebody rushes to your side and holds back your hair.

You are way too drunk to tell who is helping you right now so you just let your body do its thing and chuck up everything you have consumed in the last month. Seriously, there is way too much vomit for one little girl.

 

CARMILLA

You fall to your knees and hold back Laura’s hair. About an hour ago she was grinding up against a girl now she has her head in the toilet. You pat her back letting her know your still there.

“It doesn’t taste as good coming up, does it kiddo?” You jokingly say.

She wipes her mouth and falls back against the wall.

“I’m not a kid.”

“I know that Cupcake, I was joking.” You raise your eyebrows, “I made a funny.” You laugh.

At the sound of your voice her eyes open wide, “Oh gosh.”

She gets up abruptly makes it two steps out the toilet before falling to the ground. You rush to her helping her back on her feet.

“No don’t Carm. I look terrible.” She hides her face as she leans against the wall.

You move her hands from her face, “Other than the vomit dribbling out your nose I’d say you’re still cute.”

She freaks out and wipes her nose.

“I was kidding…” You roll your eyes and hold her hands, “I made another funny Laura.” You mock.

She gives you a hard stare but then her eyes soften. You help walk her out of the house and onto the front lawn. You both sit on the step as you pull out your phone.

“Alright Cupcake, who am I calling to pick you up?” You hold out your phone waiting for the intoxicated girl to respond.

She scrunches up her face, “no one.” She says with a cute grumpy voice.

“Well you can’t stay her all night can you? What’s Big Red’s number?”

She rolls her head, “Gosh no, do not call her.” She slurs.

“Well where do you want to go?” You hold her hand gently and rub your thumb across her hand.

“With you.” She rests her head on your shoulder and lets her free hand fall onto your inner thigh.

You feel the pull again. You rest your head on hers. The pulling gets stronger. She grips your thigh and you crumble under her touch.

“Alright Cupcake let’s get you home and in bed.” You stand up and help Laura up.

“Your bed?” She looks up with hopeful eyes.

_Damn Carmilla you walked yourself straight into that one._

“Sure Cutie.”

You know you have to tread carefully now. You have a drunken Laura in your hands, who has a girlfriend. Just because she dirty danced with Betty to tease you means absolutely nothing. Just because she said she wants to go home with you rather than her own girlfriend means absolutely nothing. She’s in a relationship Carmilla. Behave.

//

You sit the drunk blonde on your front step as you unlock the front door. You fumble around with the keys. Your hands are shaky and you are nervous. It’s definitely Laura doing this to you. Every time you touch the pulling gets stronger. Once you eventually get the door open Laura basically falls through the door and on to the sofa. You lock up the door behind you and turn to the extremely drunk girl on your sofa.

You leave her as you walk to the fridge for a bottle of water and to the pantry for choc chip cookies. You take a mouth out of the water bottle and walk back to the girl.

“Here Laura I need you to drink…Woah! Woah…”  You try to cover your eyes but also try to cover up the now half naked blonde.

“It’s hot!” She pulls her shirt off over her head and throws it at you. She grabs the water from your hand.

You stand there still, with one hand over your eyes.

“Oh please like you haven’t seen a girl naked before.” You can basically hear her roll her eyes, “plus I’m not even naked.”

You remove your hand from your eyes and stare at Laura who is staring intensely back at you. She’s beautiful. You take in her every element of her bare torso. From the curve of her breast to the sharpness of her collar bones. You look up her neck and notice how your lips would feel on fire if they touched her skin. Her jawline is sharp and perfect. Her lips are red; she bites down on her bottom lip. You look up to her eyes. They are hungry. The pulling feeling comes back stronger than before. You look down to her lips. You can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to kiss them. To feel the electricity as they touched. The fire that would form in your mouth.  You release you have been staring and you need to break this tension before you do something you regret.

You look away towards the kitchen, “Danny…um…” You swallow the fire in your throat. “Would be worried about you I should call her.”

“No.” Laura’s face drops, “Please don’t.” she says a bit quieter.

There’s a silent moment.

“Okay Cupcake, let’s get you in the shower. You smell.” You jokingly say.

//

You run the shower for Laura and give her a clean towel. You make sure it’s the perfect temperature, not too cold but not too hot.

As you pull your hand off the shower tap you turn to Laura, “There you go, fresh towel, warm shower and I’ll get you some clothes.” You smile.

The drunken girl smiles. You feel the pull. You walk out to get clothes.

What are you doing? You should have just called Danny and let her deal with this. It’s not that you don’t want to look after Laura because in fact, you do you really want to look after her. You want to make sure she is okay and safe. You want to kiss her and hold her. Wait, nope, you don’t want to do that. You definitely do not want to do that! You fight back and forth in your mind.

You walk back into the bathroom to give Laura your spare clothes.

“Anything else Cupcake?”

She runs her hand through her hair and grins. Your heart pulls towards her. Damn this girl is good.

She turns her back to you, “Could you please undo me?” She holds her long hair up so you can easily get to the zip at the back of her skirt.

You step forward allowing the pulling feeling to lead you straight to Laura. With your index finger you lead stray hairs over her shoulder. You breathe hard to try and contain yourself. You run your index finger lightly down her spine. She breathes in her whole body feeling your touch. You were right. Your finger is on fire. You feel a pull in your stomach. You other hand slips into the waist band of her skirt. You use it to pull the blonde closer into you. Her back is pressing firmly into your front you feel her hand run up and down your leg. With both hands resting on her waist you breathe down her neck. She turns her head exposing her neck. You take it as permission. As one hand holds the top of the zip and the other slowly undoing it you lay a gentle kiss on her exposed neck. Your lips light up like fireworks. You can feel the electricity flow through your body igniting every single nerve in your system.

You step back and watch as the skirt simply slips off her body.

The pulling is now so strong you don’t know if you can handle it. Laura is standing there in lace undies which barely cover her perfect tight ass and a matching back lace bra. You can’t help but stare. She is so beautiful. You look up her curves. You imagine what it would be like to have her all to yourself. To hold her, to love her with everything you have.

Laura turns to face you and steps forward. Now with only a small gap between you the pulling is becoming unbearable. Laura steps forward closing the gap. She throws her arms around your shoulders and nozzles her face into the crook of your neck.

“Thanks Carm.”

“It’s okay Cupcake.”

//

After you close the bathroom door you race to your room to clean it up. You know Laura won’t mind how messy it is but you still have to try. You throw empty pizza boxes, beer cans and dirty clothes all in one corner of your room and throw a blanket over it. You pick up your blanket off the floor and throw it on your bed. You puff up the pillows and place them at the head of the bed. As quickly as possible you throw on some pajamas which for you is a tank top and bummers. You race to the lounge room and pick up the cookies you dropped at the sight of Laura’s half naked body and grab another water bottle. You have only just gotten to your room when you hear the bathroom door open. You place the cookies and water bottle on your bed side table and sit on the bed.

Laura walks into your room. You down and notice that she is wearing the shirt you gave her but not the pants.

She follows your eyes down, “Oh, yeah sorry.” She runs a hand through her wet hair. “I’m not really a pants person. I hope that’s okay?”

Laura Hollis is standing in the middle of your room wearing nothing but an oversized shirt and undies. How are you meant to get out of this one?

“No worries Creampuff.” You get up from the bed and take the wet towel in her hand and hang it over your office chair. “I made the bed for you; I’ll just sleep on the sofa.”

She looks down, “Okay thanks.”

You notice the sudden mood change. She’s gone from the mood she was in the bathroom to now standing in the middle of my room half naked with the saddest look you have ever seen.

“Night Carm.” She quickly squeezes your hand and walks to your bed.

“Night Cuti…” You stop yourself, “Night Laura.”

//

You stare at the ceiling as you lay on the sofa. You’re wide awake. What happened that made her mood change? Maybe you crossed a line. Dammit. You shouldn’t have kissed her. You should have behaved. It’s just that pull. The pulling in your heart that sends fireflies into your stomach. You’re so stupid! But that kiss. You can’t get that kiss off your mind. Yeah it might have only been on her neck. But it sent your heart crazy. With very touch you felt a new fire ignite inside you. Your finger was on fire and so were your lips.

“Carm?”

Your pulled from your thoughts by a fragile girl.

You sit up with your full attention on Laura. You can tell she has been crying. Her voice is soft and vulnerable. Her eyes are sad and blue. You stand up.

“Yeah?”

“I really don’t want to be alone tonight.”

You walk over to the sad girl. You brush her hair out of her face and pull her in your arms. You feel her body quiver under your touch. She nuzzles into you and you can feel tears fall onto your shoulder. You hold her tight. The small girl breaks down in your arms. Her grip on your waist gets tighter the harder she cries. You feel that pull in your chest come back. Your heart breaks with every sob that escapes Laura’s mouth.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You say as you rest your chin on the top of her head,

She shakes her head in response.

“Okay.” You gently rub her back letting her know that your still here.

“How about we go to bed?”

After a while she finds the strength to stop sobbing and reply. She looks up at you with sad, tired eyes.

“I would really like that.” She manages to find a smile.

You grab her hand and begin to walk to your room, “Come on Cupcake. Let’s get some rest.”

The pulling in your chest has now become an ache. You ache from Laura.

 

 

 

 

 

 

LAURA

 

You roll over to find yourself in an empty unfamiliar bed.

“Where am I?” You ask yourself as your hands search for the edge of the bed.

You slowly throw your legs over the side and sit up. You head is throbbing so hard that you almost fall straight onto your fast. You sit with your head in your hands. There’s an ache sitting behind your eyes and you throat is so dry it feels like a desert. The head ache is making your vision blurry, you look around to try and figure out where you are.

You spot a bottle of water and a packet of choc chip cookies on the bed side table with a note that reads, “Morning Cupcake.”

_Oh God. You stayed the night at Carmilla’s. Danny is going to kill you._

You hit your head, “Dammit.”

As you take a sip of the water, you try to think back on last night. You remember talking to Perry and then Danny taking off without. You remember dancing and doing shots with Laf. And then dancing with Betty... _Oh gosh, I danced with Betty._ You cringe at the thought of last night. You take another mouth full of the water but as soon as you swallowed the water you could feel it come back up. You slap your hand on your mouth and the other on your stomach as you run out of the room. You open every door trying to find the bathroom. Once you find it you let it all come out. After you finish you wipe your mouth and let your body fall against the wall.

You head ache has only got worse and your mouth tastes like a mix of vomit and alcohol. You put your head in your hands.

_Shit Laura, you have really done it this time. Oh gosh, did you and Carmilla… No surely not… But maybe… oh shit._

You pull yourself up off the floor and walk into the lounge room. You struggle to walk as your whole body is shaky and unbalanced. Carmilla has her back to you as she is cooking something on the stove.

You cringe again at the thought of last night. You pull out a bar stool and sit on it. You rest your elbows on the bench and put your head in your hands. Carmilla has her head phones in and you can hear her music blasting in her ears. She is tapping her hand on the bench to the beat as she swings her hips. You can hear her quietly humming to herself as she flips a pancake.

You really wish you could remember what happened last night.

The door opens and in walks Kirsch looking a bit worse for wear.

“Hey Kirsch.” You smile at the tired boy.

He looks at you with a confused look, “I was wondering where you went last night.”

You look down and pick at your fingers, “yeah don’t even remind me. I regret the last couple of shots.”

He wraps an arm around you and pulls you in, “It’s okay kiddo we all regret something.” You walks towards Carmilla.

He drops his gym bag on the counter. He pulls out one of her head phones and wraps her up in a big hug.

“Morning Jock Strap.” You can barely hear her through the hug.

“Morning Karnstein.” He pats her head.

Carmilla looks back at your and smiles. Her smile is big and cheerful. Her hair is pulled back up in a messy bun and her eyes and face are sleepy. She looks beautiful and soft. You have never seen her smile like this before, she looks comfortable.

“Morning sleepy head.” She reaches out and caresses your hand.

Her hand is soft and gentle. Her touch sends a warm feeling up your arm.

You look down slightly embarrassed, “Morning Carm.” You look up and catch her eyes. You both don’t say a thing you just stare at each other.

Kirsch notices the tension between you to. He looks to the stove and smiles.

“Are those pancakes?!” He yells excitedly.

Carmilla turns to Kirsch with the biggest smile you’ve ever seen, “Those are pancakes!” She points to the stove dramatically.

You roll your eyes at how dorky and cheesy these two are.

“Can I get a drum roll?” Carmilla asks.

Kirsch drums his hands on the bench excitedly. Carm opens the freezer and pulls out a tub of ice cream.

“We have ice cream!” Carmilla yells, Can I get a woop woop?!”

Both you and Kirsch yells, “Woop Woop!”

Carmilla looks at you and smiles a genuine smile. Your heart flutters and you can’t help but smile back. You both share a look of joy. Suddenly your vision becomes clear and the thumping in head seems to calm down.

 

//

 

After breakfast Carmilla offers to drive you back to your room. She opens the car door for you. All morning she has been nothing but smiles. Carmilla is confusing and difficult. Around everybody else she is guarded and you don’t often see her smile but around Kirsch she is completely different. She laughs, smiles and dances. Deep down inside she is definitely a major dork.

The car ride is mostly silent except for the quiet music that Carmilla is humming along to. She has one hand resting on your knee and the other on the steering wheel. The wind from the open window is flowing through her hair and you can’t help but stare. Her jaw line is sharp, her cheeks are a light shade of pink compared to her pale skin and lips are stained red from her lip stick last night. Oh god. Last night. What even happened? You asked Kirsch but only told you how you rocked at beer pong. Maybe Laf or Betty might know?

“You know, its rude to stare Cupcake.”

You totally forgot you were staring. Real smooth Laura. You let out a slight giggle.

“Sorry…” You still continue to stare.

You can’t help but try to remember last night.

“Still staring Hollis…” You can see a smile spread across Carmilla’s face.

You pick at your fingers, “Did we…um…” You look up at Carmilla, “You know…have sex?”

Her face drops. You can tell that she is trying to think of what to say.

Her grip on your knee tightens, “Laura.”

The sound of your name rolling off her tongue sends shivers down your body.

“I’d like to think that you believe I respect you enough to not sleep with you while you are drunk.” She pulls her hand away from your knee.

You can tell she is a little offended, you grab her hand before it gets too far away from your leg.

“I know you respect me.” You pull her hand back to your knee, “I was just checking.”

You have work in a couple of hours hopefully Lafontaine or Perry can shed some light on what happened last night.

 

//

 

Carmilla drops you off out the front of your dorm. You walk in and look at the flight of stairs you have to walk up to get to your floor. The longer you stare the longer the steps seem to get. You still have a little bit of a head ache and though the late breakfast did help your tummy a bit it is still very sick. Using the rail you drag yourself up the stair case.  You get to your room open up the door and walk in. You collapse on to the bed. While making a grunt sound you kick off your shoes grab your yellow pillow and get comfortable. You’re too busy focusing on trying to stay alive that you don’t realize Betty staring down at you.

She coughs getting your attention. You open one eye and are met with a girl who’s arms are folded and has one eye raised waiting for an explanation. You don’t even know what to say to her. You don’t even know what happened. All you know is Carmilla took you home and you guys kept it PG.

You stare at Betty trying to find some sort of explanation of what happened.

“Well?” She starts tapping her foot.

You put your head up, “I have no idea B.”

She laughs and sits at the end of your bed, “Maybe you should have kept that cat sweater on you naughty thing!” she nudges your leg “So...?”

“What?” You have no idea what she wants.

“How was she? Is she a good kisser?” She rolls her eyes, “Who am I kidding I already know that answer.”

“Betty! Yuk!” You drop your head onto your pillow. “It’s date night I need to recover.” You close your eyes and roll over facing the wall.

Betty stands up, “Well your girlfriend… Danny…You remember her right? Yeah, well she came around early this morning.”

You hit your head, “Dammit!” You exhale. “What did she say?”

“She was checking if you got home safely because you weren’t answering your phone. When she got here you obviously weren’t here. She didn’t even knock she just barged in. Personally, I thought it was a little rude but maybe that was just me.”

You sit up leaning against the wall facing Betty, “What did you say when she realized I wasn’t here?”

“Well since I am studying to be a lawyer I have picked up the skill of being able to lie to save peoples asses.” She flicks her hair off her shoulder before continuing, “I told her that your Dad came and picked you up to go see your Mother and you didn’t take your phone so you will text her once your back.”

You rest your head in your hands, “Thank gosh. This is why I love you.”

Betty grabs your phone off her bed head and throws it to you, “You left your phone with Perry who gave it to me because you were meant to come home with me.” She death stares you, “but that’s okay.” She shrugs her shoulder. “She also told me to tell you that she can’t make date night again.”

“Oh okay.” Your face drops.

You drag yourself out of bed and to the fridge. You pour two cups of chocolate milk and hand on to Betty before sitting back on your bed. You take a sip.

“Oh my gosh!” Betty yells almost making you drop your cup, “Laura! Are you going to give me the juicy details of the mysterious Carmilla Karnstein or do I need to tickle them out of you?

You squint your eyes, “You wouldn’t.”

Betty smiles and threatens to get up.

You roll your eyes, “Fine… I can’t remember a lot but we didn’t do anything. She let me shower, gave me clothes, let me sleep in her bed and made me breakfast.”

Betty’s mouth dropped open, “Holy shit L.”

“What?” You take a mouth full of the milk.

“Did you two shower together? Not even a little kissing? Did she grab your ass? Anything?!” She throws her hands in the air.

“Nope.” Your confused as to why she is so surprised. “I have a girlfriend Betty.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah… but its Carmilla Karnstein and plus it’s not like Danny is exactly treating you right? I can’t believe she made you breakfast. Ugh.” Betty throws herself backwards onto her bed.

“What do you mean Danny isn’t treating me right?” You are still so confused.

“She never made me breakfast. You bitch.” She jokingly says. “Danny ditched you at a party, has started cancelling dates with you and the only time she makes an effort to see you is when she is being an overprotective douchcanoe.”

You choose to ignore what Betty just said. You know exactly how Danny has been treating you but you just don’t want to hear it. You’ve only ever known Danny, no one else. She has always been there. What are you meant to do if she leaves?

 

CARMILLA

 

“The screen is so small I can barely see anything.” Kirsch grunts.

You snap your head to look at him, “Well…If somebody didn’t break the TV we wouldn’t have to use a computer monitor to play Xbox.”

“Wow bro calm down.” Kirsch punches your shoulder.

You excitedly look at your phone as a notification pops up on it. Your face drops as Lafontaine’s name flashes on the screen. You hoped it was Laura but it was just a Facebook message inviting you to The Study to try Perry’s new recipe.

“Come on it has only been 4 hours since you dropped Laura off.” Kirsch says as he continues to play Xbox.

“For your information it wasn’t Laura it was the bio major.”

Kirsch rolls his eyes, “yeah but you were hoping it was Laura.”

You ignore him. You would never give up a chance for a free brownie and a coffee but Laura might be working. She doesn’t remember what happened last night you think that’s a good thing. But then again, she won’t remember the kiss on the shoulder, the tension or the butterflies. That means she doesn’t remember her sobbing in your arms. Wait, its Friday. Laura won’t be working because its date night.

You drop the controller and grab your jacket off of the door, “I have to go. I’ll be back later.”

//

 

Just as you get through the door of the coffee shop, the clouds open and the rain pours from the sky. Turning around you bump into a worried red head making you drop your phone.

“Shit. I'm sorry Carmilla.” They say as you pick up your phone.

You stand up and slip your phone into your back pocket, “Hey Laf.” You say with a smile. “Don't worry about it.”

You notice their worried expression and ask if you can help them with anything.  You help them run around closing the shutters and putting buckets down where the roof leaks you take a seat at an empty table.

Laf brings you over a coffee and a brownie, “Here try it.” They push the plate with the brownie towards you, “Perry’s new recipe.” They say eagerly.

At the sound of her name Perry pops her head through the window behind the counter. She catches your glance and quickly walks over to you.

Surprisingly, you actually get along with Laf and Perry. They help out a lot with the Basketball team. Lafontaine is a bio major and helps the team doctors during games. Perry is studying sports nutrition and helps the managers come up with diet plans and meal plans for the athletes.

You bite into the brownie, “Wow Betty Croker, this is amazing.” You say with a mouth full of brownie.

“Eee! Thank you!” Perry jumps up in excitement and kisses Laf on the cheek, “Did you hear that Laura? My brownies are a hit!”

 

At the sound of Laura's name a wave of nerves hit you making you choke on the mouth full of brownie you have making Laf stare at you. You take a mouthful of your coffee to fix the brownie stuck in your throat. Your heart beat picks up and the pulling in your chest starts again.

Laura walks out of the kitchen with a tea towel on her shoulder while she wipes her hands on her apron. “I told you!” She looks over to you and smiles, “If miss grumpy pants over there admits to likely them I’m sure everyone else will love them.” She looks back to Perry who has started to dance in celebration.

Laf can't help but smile and laugh at the dorky girl dancing in front of them, “All this worrying for nothing!” They stand up and walk back into the kitchen.

Laura is now cleaning tables on the opposite side of the room getting ready for closing time.

“Um Perry?” Laf yells from the kitchen.

Perry immediately stops jumping around and her face drops. “Oh Gosh, my brownies!” She races to the kitchen to get the left over baked goods out of the oven.

You can't help but laugh at how ridiculous those two are. You notice Laura with a box of books labelled ‘return’ by her feet. She is standing at the bookshelves putting back books that people are too lazy to do them themselves. You walk over and start picking up books and stacking them.  You swallow your nerves and walk over to her.

“I swear, people just get lazier and lazier every day.” You say as you pick up a book from the box.

Laura flinches at the sound of your voice, “Jeeze Carm, you scared me.” She puts her hand on her heart trying to slow it down.

“Sorry Cupcake.” You smile as you place the book on the bookshelf. “It’s Friday night, what happened to date night?”

Her face drops, “Oh… um… Danny couldn’t make it again.” She picks up a book and places it in the bookshelf.

 Maybe you shouldn’t have asked her that. Maybe you stepped the line. Good Job Carmilla.

You decide to change the subject, “Well Kirsch is home if you’re not doing anything?”

 

Laura stops what she is doing and hesitates before continuing to put books back.

 

“Yeah I was actually planning on going over there after work in about like ten minutes but if you don't want me to that’s cool. Because like, it's your home to and all and…” She starts rambling, “I don't want to intrude on you and your space and study buddies. I'm not saying you have a lot of study buddies. Like I didn't mean you were like… you know. Your just you know really pretty and girls like pretty girls and…” You interrupt her rant.

You laugh and the dorky blonde, “Cupcake, stop before you hurt yourself.” You place the last book in the shelve.

She looks at you with a shy smile.

“Cool. Well I’ll hang around here until your done and ill drive you.” You go to walk over to the table with your coffee and half eaten brownies on it when you feel a warm arm grab your waist.

“Hey Carm, thanks for last night. I’m sorry I got that drunk I really didn’t mean to. I’m sorry you had to see me like that. I won’t get so bad next time.” She looks down at the empty box.

You hold her hand in a reassuring manner, “It’s okay Cupcake. I’m not your Dad I’ll look after you but I’m not going to lecture you. You’re old enough to do what you want. Hopefully I’ll be there next time to help you up again.”

You squeeze her hand as she walks back to the kitchen. You sit back at your table. Perry and Laf pull a chair out either side of you and sit down. You feel both their eyes on you.

You look up from your cup, “Can I help you?”

“Carmilla what happened last night?” Lafontaine asks seriously.

You laugh, “Oh please. It’s none of your business.”

“Carmilla. Come on. She has a girlfriend.” Perry says as she sits back.

“Wow guys, no, nothing like that happened. I’m a little bit offend you actually thought I would do that.” You roll your eyes.

Their eyes don’t move off you.

“It’s just Laura is a very good friend of ours and we don’t want her to get hurt. We have all seen your study buddies we just don’t want Laura to get court up in all that.” Perry explains.

“Fine. If you must know what happened. While you two were getting all hot and sweaty up in the room Laura was vomiting in the toilet. I just helped her up and took her back to my place. She showered.”

Perry’s mouth dropped.

“She showered alone.” You give Perry a stern look, “I gave her clean clothes and put her in my bed also alone.”

“Wow Carmilla, that is actually very sweet of you.” Perry says.

“Yeah well it’s no big deal... Laura is…” Your eyes wonder to behind the counter where the blonde girl is counting money.

You don’t know how to finish that sentence. Laura is a million things in one. She is so confusing. She is something else. You just can’t find the words to describe how you feel maybe because you have never felt like this before. You get lost in thought as you stare at the honey blonde.

Lafontaine and Perry follow your eyes to Laura. Laf’s eyes widen in realization.

Laf leans forward, “Carmilla? Do you feel for Laura?” They ask quietly.

You snap out of your haze. “Don’t you two have something to do?”

You take a mouthful of your coffee. Laura is definitely more than just a study buddy.

 

 

 

 


	6. Igniting an old flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura distances herself from Carmilla in hopes her and Danny will become close again but it all back fires and blows up in her face.

LAURA

 

You’re exhausted, you’re sweating, and your whole body has gone numb. It has been a while since you have pushed yourself hard like this. You look at the stop watch you have ten seconds. Your whole body is aching but the cheers from the crowd around you make you push harder. You glance at Kirsch and he gives you a reassuring nod.

“You can do this Laura!” He throws his fist in the air.

The clock reads 6 seconds. You can do this. You raise your hand to your mouth and bite down on the cookie.

3 seconds, you shove the rest of the cookie in your mouth and you swallow. The timer goes off. The whole room cheers. Perry jumps up into Lafontaine’s arms. You stand up and throw your hands in the air. Kirsch picks you up and puts you on his shoulders.

The drunken group chants your name, “Laura! Laura! Laura!”

“That’s my lady bro!” He yells. He puts you back down on your feet.

Perry gives you a high five and Lafontaine throws their arm around you.

“Now, that’s what I’m talking about. I had no idea someone so small could eat two whole packets of cookies in two minutes.”

Perry hands you a bucket, “Just in case sweetie, you have had a lot to drink.”

“Thanks Perr.” You say with a smile.

“It’s a new record! I’ll have to write it down in my book.” Kirsch says loud enough so everyone can hear.

It’s been two weeks since you’ve drunk any alcohol. To be honest, it did take you two weeks to recover from the last time and the embarrassment of that night. Luckily, Carm has been very cool and forgiving about it. So cool that you have spent at least most of the two weeks with her which really has not helped your feelings at all. Well they aren’t really feelings, just a totally platonic friendship… because you have a girlfriend… so platonic that you haven’t stopped thinking about Carmilla or texting her. You can so have a friendship that gives you butterflies and maybe dirty dreams about… okay definitely dirty dreams… but you have a girlfriend so all these things are totally not feelings!

Perry, Lafontaine and Kirsch have come over to celebrate the special occasion. That special occasion being that you have worked your butt off to be able to report and write an article on the Basketball grand final this coming Thursday night between Silas U Panthers and Philly State Otters. Which is Carmilla’s team against Philly state which is Danny’s school luckily Danny isn’t on the team. Danny and Carmilla back in the same stadium this is going to be just great.

 

“Congrats on the article L.” Lafontaine pulls you in tighter. “Where’s Danny tonight?”

“Gee thanks, I’m so nervous.” You say hoping Laf won’t realize you avoided the question.

Laura…”  Laf removes their arm from around you, “Where’s Danny tonight?”

You walk away towards the porch. Your dorm room is only small with a kitchenette and one bathroom but your luckily enough to be one of few with a small porch.

Laf follows, “Laura please tell that she hasn’t skipped out on you again.”

Once outside you and Laf sit opposite each other.

You fall back on your seat. Lafontaine pulls a bottle of vodka out of their jacket along with two shot glasses. You know having shots is the last thing you need but with this talking about Danny situation that’s about to go down you really need some liquid courage. You both shot down four shots and follow it by drinking whatever is left in your cups. Lafontaine pours straight vodka into both you and their cup.

“Come on. Just tell me.” Laf  says as they take a sip of their drink.

“Alright, alright. I don’t know where she is. I invited her back she just didn’t text back.” You can tell by the look in Laf’s eyes they are not impressed.

“Okay L, you know I have been one to openly express my doubts about Danny and I really don’t want to be the truth bearer but you deserve better.” They reach and grab your hand. “Danny never comes by the shop anymore, she doesn’t make an effort to see you and she is always cancelling on you.”

You sit forward and rest the side of your head in your palm. Your head is definitely getting a lot heavier and very dizzy.

“I know I just…” You slur.

Laf cuts you off, “Just what L? She fully ignores you and then she has the lady balls to yell at you when you don’t check in every hour. I’m sorry but she isn’t your father.”

You know Lafontaine is right but you just can’t accept it.  You and Danny have been together for so long you aren’t going to throw all that away because you need more attention. Danny is just busy with study that’s why she has been distant. There’s nothing else to it. Maybe you’ve created these ‘feelings’ towards Carmilla because Danny isn’t showing you attention? Yes. That’s it’s. That’s totally it.

“I know Danny has been sorta distant lately…” You pause, “but that’s because she is just really busy with study and stuff.”

Lafontaine laughs out loud, “Oh please.”

“She’s still my girlfriend Laf. Just because I have feelings for Carmilla doesn’t mean I can just act upon them because…”You stand up quickly almost falling over, “I …” You throw your hand in the air, “…have a girlfriend.” You sit back down almost missing the chair. The alcohol has definitely got to you. You’re a slurring a mess and you just had an extreme case of alcohol induced word vomit.

Lafontaine is staring at you with an ‘I knew it’ smirk. You are a bit confused until you realize what you just said.

“Oh my gosh… I didn’t mean that.” Your eyes are as wide as they can be and your hand is covering your mouth. “Did I just really say that?”

Lafontaine still has that smirk on their face, “That’s the beauty of alcohol.”

“I just…I still…I mean I don’t have feelings. Its just Carmilla is nice to me, we are newly formed friends.” You say as confidently as you can, “It’s a working progress.” You smile.

Laf shakes their head and reaches for your hand, “Laura, you can’t just drag both of them along. Its time to choose. Your with Danny, so whatever Carmilla and you have going its time to sort it out.”

You look down to your hands.

They stand, “I love you L, I just don’t want you getting hurt.” They give you a smile and walk back inside leaving you there to think over the truth bomb they just dropped.

 

//

 

“Okay!” You say excitedly, “Project stop the feels for Carm by igniting old flame with Danny commencing in 3…2…1… It’s a go people!” You turn to the white board.

You’ve decided it’s time to sort out your feelings. You have invited Perry and Lafontaine to your room to discuss your plan. You have a white board you borrowed from the art class room. You have a picture of you at the top, with a photo of Carmilla just underneath you to the right and a photo of Danny underneath you to the left. 

You have brain stormed ideas and ways to destroy all feelings you have towards Carmilla and ignite the flame with Danny. You have a line that goes from Carmillas picture to a series of bullet points. Lafontaine and Perry sit eagerly on your bed waiting.

“Alright, suspect number 1.” You point the ruler at Carmilla. “Carmilla Karnstein. She is dangerous, sexy and charming.” Your ruler follows the bullet points down, “Carm has a bad habit for pretty girls and with various study buddies she is definitely a deadly one. Avoid at all cost. Got it?”

Perry jots down notes as you speak, “yep got it!”

You point to Danny’s photo as you pace back and forth, “Suspect number two. Danny Lawarence. 6’ 2, bright red hair and the ability to ignore anyone. Very distant. Very carefree. She lives on the other side of town so seeing her will be difficult but we can do this. She is the one we are after. Got it Officer Perry?” You point your ruler at Perry.

She looks up from her note pad, “Got it!”

“Sweet, so the plan is to distance myself from Carm…” You pace back and forth hitting your ruler on your palm. “And spend more time with Danny. We have to rekindle the old spark to put out this newly found one between Carm and I. We can do this. Danny and I are hanging out tonight so this will be a piece of cake!” You put your hands on your hips and smile at the two people sitting on your bed.

“I think the first step is to stop calling Carmilla by your pet name.” Laf says as they move over to make room for you on the bed. 

You sit next to them, “Ugh… this is going to be harder than I thought.

 

//

Its Wednesday and every night this week Danny has slept over your place. Despite the last couple of weeks you feel like you have gone back to normal. She is always asking about your day and sending you cute messages to keep you motivated in class. She has even moved some clothes into your place. Though you are happy a part of you does feel guilty for ignoring Carmilla. At first it was hard to ignore her texts but now she has just stopped sending them. Perry and Laf open up in the mornings so you don’t have to see Carmilla go for her daily morning run. Luckily Carmilla trains 4:30pm till 6:30pm every night so when you close up the shop you don’t have the chance to run into her. But what you can’t ignore is the fact that you have to interview her tomorrow and spend an entire hour watching her play. Despite how well you and Danny are going you always catch yourself thinking about Carmilla. Wondering what she is doing and how were her classes today. You’ve started studying with Kirsch at your place now so you don’t run the risk of seeing Carmilla. This is such a stupid plan but its slowly working.

 

**CARMILLA**

 

**YOU 5:34PM: Hey, hope you’re coming to the game tonight.**

You drop your phone into your gym bag and pull out your basketball shoes. Laura has been ignoring you all week. She hasn’t replied to your texts not that you really sent many. It’s just Laura and you didn’t want to seem desperate. The last two weeks before this were amazing. You spent so much time together you thought everything was okay. Maybe you thought wrong. You just want to see Laura and feel that pulling in your chest again. You want to feel the butterflies in your stomach, you want to feel her soft hair and hear her bubbly laugh. Ever since she has left nothing has been right. Even if you two are just friends, it’s a friendship that you need, Its a friendship you crave.

_Buzz, Buzz._

You hear you phone buzz and your heart skips a beat.

**Cupcake 5:36pm: Hey Carm, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.**

This is the first text in three days that she has replied to. This is going to be a very good game.

//

30 minutes until the start buzzer. The other team is already out on the court warming up. You can hear the crowd yelling the team’s name. Laura is going to be in the crowd same with Kirsch and the ginger twins. You have to play well. Your team has only lost one game this season and it was against Philly State.

“It’s redemption time girls.” The coach yells as he hustles the girls up.

“Time to kick ass!” You yell.

“This is the big game girls. You’ve trained long and hard for this. Let’s get out there and warm up!”

You follow coach out to the court. You don’t look for anyone just yet. You’re in the zone; you’re focused on getting warmed up and ready to play. If Laura really is here you don’t want to be getting too nervous too soon. You can hear Kirsch yell your name but you choose to ignore it. You get passed the ball you count your steps, _Left, right_ , you jump and shoot and it goes in. You repeat this action a couple times. After some half court runs you decide to look for Kirsch, he is your good luck charm. You look around and see Kirsch sitting at the side line seats. To his left are Perry and then Lafontaine. Your nerves settle at the sight of your friends. Kirsch throws his hand in the air and you start to slow jog over. Laura walks up to Laf and sits next to them a smile spreads across your face, that’s until you see Danny hand in hand with Laura. You stop and stare. You can feel your heart drop inside your chest. Laura hasn’t notice you yet as she is too busy fiddle around with her snacks. Kirsch and the others are exchanging looks between each other and you. It’s clear that they had no idea that Danny was coming either. Laura kisses Danny’s cheek just like she has kissed yours so many times before.

You can feel a rage starting to fill your body. You can’t believe Laura has the balls to bring Danny into your stadium, to your biggest game of the season. Tears begin to form in your eyes as you stare at the two love birds that are still oblivious to the fact that you’re standing there heart broken. You and Laura may not have been dating but there’s no doubt that you have feelings for her. A mix between sadness and anger has filled your body. You can’t take your eyes off of the pair. A girl from your teams pulls you back into the warm up. As your feet hit the ground you try to release the anger. Every time your hands bounce the ball you try to push some anger out. This is going to be a very interesting game.

//

The buzzer sounds for the start of the game. You make your way to the center of the court. You can feel everyone’s eyes on you but you’re not nervous. You are just pure angry. Every time you look over to them Laura is either kissing Danny or it’s the other way around. You look over once more before the start of the game. Perry mouths ‘sorry’ to you. Lafontaine gives you a sorry look and Kirsch shrugs his shoulders. The refs whistle blows and the game begins. You decide to put your anger into action. You are only 5’4 but man you can jump, sprint and shoot better than any other girl on the court. Your defense is the best it has ever been and your fitness hasn’t stopped improving.

_Fine, Laura wants to bring Danny to the game to piss me off. Ill show her fucking pissed off._

Your team has the ball down your end. You have set the play up so you are standing basically opposite Danny and Laura. So close that if the ball gets thrown to you and you ‘accidentally’ don’t catch it it would head straight for them.

The play happens exactly how you plan it. The ball gets run down the key and then passed across court then straight back to you. You step forward accidentally missing it. The ball flies straight towards the two love birds and hits Danny. The ref calls the other teams ball but you race over to pick the ball up for them.

You pick up the ball.

“Your meant to fucking catch it Dead girl.” Danny sarcastically snaps.

Laura stares at you with a guilty look.

You look to Laura and roll your eyes, “Oh no, I'm so sorry Danny. Are you okay?” Say as sarcastically as you can manage.

 

//

The final buzzer sounds and your team have won the game. Confetti guns go off on the bass lines. The crowd jumps and yells, “Panthers, Panthers, Panthers!” You’ve tried so hard all year it does feel really good for it to pay off but you aren’t really in the mood for celebrating. You congratulate your team mates and head straight to the showers.

**YOU 7:13pm: Not really in the mood to talk. I’m going to have a shower but I’ll see you at the after party.**

**KIRSCH 7:15pm: I was wondering where u went. I couldn’t find u. C u There.**

The only reason you’re going to that after party is to drink and ignore the fuck out of Laura. You cannot believe her. She knew this was a big game for you but she still brought Danny. What makes it worse is that you don’t even have a proper reason to be mad. You aren’t Laura’s girlfriend, Danny is. You can’t be mad at Laura for bringing her own girlfriend to a game where both their schools are playing against each other.

_You are so stupid Carmilla._

“Ugh!” You hit the shower wall.

But there is one thing you can be angry at Laura for. She ignores you all week. No texts, no calls she even changes shifts at the shop so she doesn’t see you. Then all of a sudden she replies to a text and it turns out its because Danny is with her. Is she just trying to fuck me around? No one is better than fucking people around like you.

**You 7:35pm: Hey Cutie, I need cheering up I think you can help.**

**ELL 7:40pm: I’m up for it. See you soon xx**

//

You walk towards the old barn hand in hand with Ell. It’s a big old red barn that sits on the out skirts of town. This barn has held the grand final party every year for the past last 5 years. Throughout the years students have built the inside of the barn up. There’s an old wood bar with two chest style fridges powered by generators behind it. In the middle of the barn there is a wooden dance floor with a DJ booth also powered by generators. Party lights and strobe lights hang from the old wooden rafters. Above the bar there are banners from the basketball championships and the football championships, all but two are Silas U banners.

You arrive to the party fashionably late like always. You are wearing your tightest pair of black leather pants and a black and white Ramones shirt with the sleeves folded up. You have your black combat boots on and your hair is in loose natural curls.

You are almost at the barn when Lafontaine and Perry rushes towards you and the black haired girl next to you.

“Carmilla…” Perry is in a fuss, “I didn’t think you were coming. Anyways the party is terrible you really don’t want to go. The music…” Perry looks at Laf for help.

Lafontaine grabs you and Ell by a shoulder each and turns you around, “The music is terrible, the dancing is terrible. You just really wouldn’t like it.”

You turn around and look at the barn, “It looks like fun to me.” You walk towards the party with Ell.

Perry steps in front of you, “Well… you just can’t take her in there!” Perry yells.

You, Ell and Laf are all taken by surprise.

You step forward challenging Perry. “Why Perry? Why can’t I take my date into the party?”

Perry chokes under the pressure of your stares.

“Because Laura is in there with Danny?” You look back to Laf, “She is in there with her girlfriend, She has a girlfriend who is not me and i don't care anymore. SO why cant i take my date into the party? What am I doing wrong?”

Perry’s head drops. Lafontaine holds her hand reassuringly.

“Im sorry for yelling. I just want to go have a good time and celebrate with my team, okay?” You begin to walk away with Ell in your hand.

“For what it’s worth, we had no idea that L was bringing Danny to your game. It wasn’t fair on you. You have every right to be upset.” Laf yells out as you walk away.

You quickly turn around and give a smile broken smile. As much as it hurts you know they are right but you won’t confront Laura. She deserves to be happy and if being with Danny is what makes her happy then so be it. As long as Laura is around you you can’t and won’t be with anyone else. It just won’t feel the same. Their body won’t fit with yours, their skin won’t be electrifying. Everything about it would be so wrong. You won’t ache to touch every part of their body like you do with Laura. You feel for Laura. You have a pull to her, a pull so strong you just can’t ignore. But now Danny is back, you will just have to go against your heart and ignore it.

 

You walk inside the barn and head straight to the bar for some drinks, Ell follows closely behind. You grab to beers and give one to Ell. You have known Ell for about a year now. Throughout the last year of High school her and Kirsch had an on again off again fling. On the way to the party you told Ell everything that has happened between you and Laura. She agreed to help you rub it in the blonde's face. The strobe lights make it hard to see anything but you can find Laura in any crowd. You just follow the pull in your chest.

This is easy one of the best party's you have attended all year. The music is loud, people are dancing and the strobe lights are actually working this time. You spot Kirsch and the ginger twins dancing. You point the trio out to Ell and you both laugh at their poor attempts of the ‘lawnmower’ and ‘shopping cart’. You battle through the crowd and make it to the terrible dancers.

“Ell!” Kirsch wraps Ell up in a big hug. “It’s been a while.”

“Hey Kirsch, Carmilla brought me to help out with Laura but maybe you and I could catch up after?” Ell winks at the tall footballer.

Lafontaine leans in to talk to you, “Did she say what I think she just did?”

“Yep.”

Perry leans in to clarify, “So you and she aren’t?

“Nope. Just simply here to party and get a little touchy.” You wink.

“Ew…” Perry says as she goes back to dancing.

“I need a drink, do we all want some shots?!” Laf asks.

All of the gang make their way to the bar. Lafontaine lines up five shots each with a Jagerbomb at the end. You start the line of shots. Everyone shots them one after the other. You shout done and slam both hands on the bar. Laf does the same, then Ell who is followed by Perry and then finally Kirsch. Since Kirsch was the last one he now has to down a beer. After the shots everyone is buzzing.

You look around for Laura and Danny.

“They are over there.” Lafontaine points to the couple sitting on a hay bale facing the dance floor.

You shoot a look to them, “I wasn't looking for her.”

Lafontaine rolls their eyes, “Go get your girl and dance.”

You smile and bring them in for a hug. You either get very touchy feely when your drunk or very guarded when your drunk.  Looks like your touchy feely tonight. You kiss Laf on the head.

“You my little buddy are a genius.” You say as you grab Ell and walk her to the dance floor.

“And you are drunk.” They slap your ass as you walk away. “Dirty thing.”

//

Seeing Danny and Laura cuddling in the corner of your eye is making you furious. You can feel it slowly building up. Starting in your fingertips trailing up your arms. But you choose to ignore it. Luckily the music is slow and sexy.

You hold Ell close as she grinds into you. Her behind grinds into your front. You run your hands down her sides. You two sway to the music perfectly. You grab her waist and pull her in. You move her hair from her neck and kiss slowly up to her jawline. She turns around to face you.  You dance slow and close taking in every part of the black haired girl in your arms. Out of the corner of your eye you feel Laura occasionally looking over to you. Knowing that Laura is seeing you up against another girl is almost satisfaction enough. Ell pulls you in and your lips meet. You sink into the kiss. You bite her lip. Your tongue slides across hers and she groans into your mouth. You can’t help but let a little smirk appear on your lips breaking up the kiss. 

You lean in  to whisper in her ear.

“How about you and I get out of here?” You bite her earlobe and you hear a moan escape the girl’s lips.

You take that as permission; you hold her hand and lead her out the back of the barn. Just before you exit you look back at Laura who is staring at you with her mouth wide open in disbelief. You and Ell walk back to the front of the barn back to the Kirsch and the ginger twins. Lafontaine is almost clapping, Perry has a shocked expression across her face and Kirsch is pouring a shot for you.

“That’s how it is done.” You grab Ell’s hand and spin her around. “Your free to go my love.” You slap her ass.

Kirsch hands you the shot, “Good Job bro! I taught you well.”

You shot it back.

“You are disgusting.” Laf nudges your shoulder. “But to watch you in action is very interesting.”

Perry rolls her eyes, “Well we are off… to um… go to bed.”

“Smooth babe.” Laf says.

“Danny!” You hear Laura yell as she runs after her girlfriend out of the barn.

Suddenly you feel a blanket of guilt wash over you. You didn’t want to make Laura upset you just wanted to get even, you wanted to give her some of her own medicine. But watching that desperate look on Laura’s face as she runs after Danny made you regret everything. You turn back to the group. What were you thinking.

“I had nothing to do with this…” Laf holds Perry’s hand and walk away.

“Sorry Carmilla but you’re on your own now bro.” Kirsch picks up two drinks and leads Ell back to the dance floor.

“Ugh.” You slam your palm on your head. “Dammit.”

You pour a beer and slowly walk out to the front.

 

**LAURA**

You race outside after Danny. You keep calling her name but she doesn’t respond. Once you walk out of the barn the cold crisp air hits you.

“Danny!” You yell as you pace back and forth looking for her.

She walks around the corner slipping her phone into the back of her pocket.

“Got to go Hollis.” She leans in and kisses your cheek, “I have classes in the morning.” She begins to walk away.

“Why did you just take off like that? You left me there alone.” You throw your hands up in question.

“Im sorry, I had to take a call and besides I know you’re safe now I can go.”

You take a step forward, “Now that I’m safe?”

She laughs, “Did you really think that I came here to hang out? I hate Silas U and why would I spend an hour of my Thursday night watching Karnstein run up and down a court. It’s my job to keep you safe.”

You can feel a raging fire forming in your stomach.

Perry and Lafontaine run out of the barn, “Is everything okay..? guys..?”

Carmilla follows them.

Great now everyone is here to witness this fight.

“Everything is fine. Laura is just over reacting. It’s probably the alcohol.” Danny says.

“Safe from who? These people are my friends Danny. Trust me it’s not the alcohol, I haven’t drunk anything you made sure of that.”

Danny turns around to walk away.

“Okay, so this is none of our business…” Laf and Perry back away slowly. “Carmilla?”

“Oh no Im good.”  Carmilla says as she leans against the barn observing the argument.

“So what I have to call you every time I go out?”

“I want to keep you safe is all.”

“Keep me safe? Like its your job?” You roll your eyes in disbelief of the things that are now dribbling out of Danny’s mouth.

“I care about you Laura.” Danny turns to face you, “Of course it’s my job to keep you safe.”

You throw your hands up, “Well I'm sorry that me making my own decisions and being reckless is making it hard for you to do your job!”

“Fuck Laura I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Yes you did. You meant that Laura is too dumb to know what she can and can’t handle and needs to be protected by the big strong grownups. That’s all anyone has ever said to me, you, my Dad.”

“Laura shut up!” Danny yells.

You’re a bit taken back by it. She has never yelled at you like this before. I suppose you have never pushed her like this.

“Wow Xena, I think it’s time for you to leave.” You turn to notice Carmilla still leaning against the barn with a lit cigarette in her hand.

Danny looks at Carmilla for a brief second, “Forget it Laura, I’m sorry.” She runs a hand through her hair. “I have to go, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You watch her walk to her car. You stand there waiting for your mind or heart to react to what had just happened between you and Danny but nothing happens. You don’t feel sad or angry but you feel relieved. Relieved to get something off your chest. You let yourself have a moment. You turn around to be met with… _fucking Carmilla._

“And what do you want?!”

You feel bad for yelling but you’re still caught up in the fight. You’re angry and sad and you just want everything to go back to how it was before you started falling for Carmilla, before Danny moved to the other side of town. You want to go back to go before life was so complicated.

Carmilla ignores you. She just stares up at the night sky.

“Whatever.” You can feel a tear drop from eye. The night air is so cold you can almost feel the tear freeze. “I’m just going to go.”

Carmilla steps off of the barn and stamps out her cigarette, "Are you okay?"

She seems genuinely concerned which only makes you ten times more guilty. You don't want to lie to her but you also don't want to admit your not okay.

You run a hand through your hair, "Since when do you smoke?"

She ignores your question, "Do you want me to call a cab or something?" She slowly walks towards you.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" You put your hands in your pockets.

"You ignored me all week, you just cut off all contact and you bring the one girl I hate with my whole being to the most important game of the season." You pause to let that sink in.

Once Laura's head drops you continue, "Why am I being nice to you? You are a pain in my ass but I hate seeing you upset. Plus you don't deserve to be treated like that."

"Thanks Carm."

She walks up to you and grabs your hand. She looks into your eyes as if she is searching for something. She looks hard but she couldn't find whatever it was. Her face drops and she walks back into the barn.

“Ugh!” You kick an empty can at the barn.

You are so frustrated and angry. You’ve never actually felt this sort of anger before. Danny just left you in the middle of a fight. It’s like she didn’t even want to fix whatever is wrong between you two. She said she cares about you but you feel like she is forcing herself to stay with you like she doesn’t want to hurt you. When your like this there is only one person who can help.

You put the phone up to your ear, “Dad.”

“Hey Pumpkin.” He says with a sleepy voice.

At the sound of his voice you break down.

His voice changes, “Hey…Hey… what’s wrong?”

You can tell he is worried. You struggle to get words out between your sobs.

“I’m… sorry… for waking you up…” You stop mid-sentence, you just can’t do this anymore.

In the back ground on the phone you can hear your Dad pick up his keys.

“How about you tell me where you are pumpkin?"


	7. A New Flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its the grand final two day bender and Laura is caught in a big mess. Carmilla finds her in the arms of a boy, Danny finds herself in the arms of a girl and Laura finds herself in the arms of Carmilla.
> 
> This chapter covers some heavy topics. So heres some Warnings:
> 
> Sexual Violence  
> Violence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is sexual violence in this chapter just a warning if anyone has triggers.  
> Also, the POV changes alot in this chapter I tried to make it easy to follow.

LAURA

 

Your Dad dropped you back home early in the morning before he started work. He didn’t ask any questions about what happened. He noticed you weren’t ready to talk about it but it wasn’t that you weren’t ready it’s just you don’t know what to say. He has always been good like that. You and Danny are still together it’s just you are on thin ice. You had an amazing week with her you can’t let it end like this. Sure, things are complicated but you are so use to being with Danny that you’re too scared to leave. You will have to do things by yourself, not that she’s ever there for you but you know you always have her to fall back on. Once she leaves who are you meant to go to when your stressed or sad or angry. You have Laf, Perry and Kirsch but they just don’t understand.

You can’t keep going on like this. You can’t keep running back to Carmilla every time Danny doesn’t give you attention. You don’t mean to do that it’s just Carmilla gets you. She understands you don’t need help all the time but she is always there if I need it. She helped you with your overdue article two weeks ago.  She helped you when you were so drunk you couldn’t walk. She was there when Danny wasn’t and you really can’t ignore how she makes you feel.

“Ugh!” You collapse on to your bed in defeat.

All this over thinking is making you exhausted.

Betty walks out from the bathroom “What’s got you all huffy and puffy?”

She gestures with her hand for you to move over. She lies down next to you and you cuddle into her.

“Girl trouble.” You reply back.

“Let me guess, your stupid plan to get back with Danny failed and you just ended up hurting yourself in the process. Now you’re just stuck on how to fix all this.”

“Wow that’s actually pretty accurate?” You stare at the blonde girl next to you.

“Well do you what my advice or not?”

You nod.

“Stop trying to force things or feelings and go with what feels natural.”  She gets up and walks over to the kitchen to make tea. “Danny’s ship has sailed baby girl and you are still standing on the shore. I’m just saying. Sometimes people are trees and sometimes people are cars.”

“What?” You have no clue what Betty is saying.

“Laura. You are a car but Danny is a tree. What happens when a car hits a tree?”

“Oh.”

“Exactly.”

You lean up against the wall. “Everything is so hard. Why can’t it all just be black and white?”

Betty walks over and hands you a fresh cup of tea, “Well my girl the world would be such a boring place.”

There’s a knock at the door you look at Betty but she shrugs her shoulders.

 “Don’t look at me I’m not excepting anyone maybe it’s your tall ginger girlfriend? I’ll be in the bathroom if you need me to bail you out.”

You walk to the door but before answering it you look down at your clothes. You’re in grey sweats and a black tank top. It’s not exactly the most attractive outfit but it’ll have to do. You open the door.

“Hey.”

Carmilla stands there fidgeting with her hand in her pocket. You can tell she doesn’t know what to say or how to act but can you blame her? After two amazing weeks of cuddling on her sofa and learning how to play Xbox you just cut her off. To be honest, you don’t know what to say either.

She runs her spare hand through her perfect black hair. “I brought you choc chip cookies.” She holds up a brown paper bag of freshly made cookies, “Perry made them.” She smiles a shy smile.

You stay quiet mainly because you are lost for words. You don’t know whether to cry or smile. So many things are going through your head. You were so rude to her for the last week but she still turns up to your door step with freshly made cookies for you.

“I just… I know how upset you were last night.” She pauses, “I came over to make sure you were okay. Not that you needed me to… come make sure you are okay… I was just worried.”

You take the bag, “Thanks.” You say with a smile.

You both stand there looking at each other. You want to fall into her arms and let her know how much you missed her. You want to feel her warmth again. You want to feel at home and you hope she wants all that to.

You realise an awkward silence has fallen between you to.

“Oh, um… do you want to come in? You step back opening the door a bit more.

She looks into your room but hesitates. You can tell she wants to but something is stopping her.

“Actually, I have to get going but I’ll see you around.” She smiles and walks away.

You close the door behind you. Betty stands there staring at you with her arms crossed.

“What just happened?” You reach into the bag and bite into the warm cookie.

You stare blankly as you walk to your bed and sit down.

“I don’t know Laura but if a girl as fine as Carmilla Karnstein came to my house and gave me cookies I would definitely invite her in…”

“You’re gross.” You roll your eyes and bite into the cookie again.

“I bet ya you feel bad now. First you lead her on, then you dump her like that…” She snaps her fingers, “…and now she is being so nice to you. I mean you have tamed the wild beast Laura Hollis, who knew Carmilla could be so soft.”

You look up the Betty, “You are not helping anything.”

“There’s a party tonight. Its apart of the two day bender after grand final night.”

“What?” You are so confused. You’re still so caught up about what just happened between you and Carmilla.

“You know the grand final celebrations? Jeeze, Laura you really need to get your act together. So after the grand final game everyone goes on a two day bender. That’s where you drink and party for two days straight that’s probably where Carmilla is going right now actually.”

Your eye brows rise at the sound of her name, suddenly you’re very interested.

“The first party is always at the barn and then the second is always at the Zetas house. You should totally come!”

“I don’t know Betty, Im just… I’m tired.” You really want to go but you know you can’t.

“Oh please, it’ll help you get your mind off things.”

“I have a date with Danny tonight. Its Friday night remember, date night.”

“Well suit yourself. You can always come after your date.” She walks to her bed and picks up her phone. “Well I’m off. Doctor Who is in the DVD player if you wanna watch it.  Ciao!” She leans and kisses your cheek.

Looks like the rest of your day involves Doctor Who and Perry’s homemade cookies. Luckily you have your date with Danny to look forward to. You don’t understand why Carmilla is being so nice to you. Especially after everything you have done. Your not going to lie to yourself you miss her. You miss her smart ass comments and how she never fails to make you feel safe. Maybe Betty is right, maybe you should follow what feels natural and stop forcing yourself on Danny.

//

For the last 6 hours you have been laying in the same spot watching TV only getting up for the occasional toilet break. Before you started the Doctor Who marathon you brought the six pack of grape soda and a two packets of cookies to your bed so you didn’t need to get up for snack breaks. Your phone goes off almost making you jump.

**Danny 2:30pm: Hey Hollis, do you mind if I come pick you up shortly? I feel bad for pushing it forward but I have dinner with my family at 6.**

You roll your eyes. You should have known Danny was going to do this. At least she is still wants to go on the date.

**You 2:31pm: Yeah no worries. See you soon xx**

You put your phone down next to you. You really have to stop getting your hopes up for an actual date, its never going to happen. You look down to what you are wearing. You’re surprised you only have a couple of crumbs on your shirt. Normally, it looks like a cookie factory exploded.

Alright, time to get dressed. The first outfit you find is the one you put on. You can’t be bothered to actually try and find a decent outfit so denim jeans and a blue shirt are just going to have to do. You decide to wait out the front of your dorm for Danny your really don’t want her to see the empty soda cans and packet of cookies on your bed.

//

Danny pulls up outside a diner in the middle of town. You two came here for your first date. You remember exactly how it went. Danny paid for everything even though you insisted not to. She opened every door so you could walk in first, she pulled out your chair and she let you win at the pin ball machine. You didn’t do much but that was because you two talked and talked and talked. You both had so much to say to each other. It was like you were meant to be back then. It was the most perfect first date a girl could ask for.

Danny gets out and you sit in the car waiting for Danny to open the door but she doesn’t.

She stands there staring at you, “Are you coming?”

Ugh. You roll your eyes and get out of the car. You walk behind Danny to the front door of the diner so she could easily open the door for you. But again, she doesn’t she just walks in. The door is big and heavy so you have trouble opening it back up again. Danny looks back at you and laughs. What game is she playing at? You don’t even know her anymore. She sits at a booth and looks straight to the menu.

“Hey Laura can we please just order drinks I’m in a bit of a rush.” Danny says as she lowers the menu you just enough so she can see you.

You are a bit shocked by how rude she is, “Oh yeah sure.” But instead of fighting it you just go with the flow.

You both order your drinks. Danny pulls up her phone up and starts texting. You are so over how rude she is being but you try to play it cool. You don’t want to cause another scene like last night and you certainly don’t want to get yelled at by Danny again. You reach out and grab her hand.

“Do you remember this diner babe?” You stroke your thumb across her hand waiting for your heart to flutter like it did with Carm but nothing happened.

She looks up from her phone briefly to look around, “No why?”

You heart doesn’t flutter it just drops. How can she not remember our first date. It was magical.

“How about that pin ball machine?”

She looks up briefly again, “Mm nope.”

The waiter comes by with your drinks. Danny got a Pepsi and you got grape soda. She doesn’t remember anything. _Stay calm Laura. Stay calm._

You fiddle with the straw in your drink thinking about something to say. You have no idea what is going on in her life and you have nothing that is familiar anymore. You at Danny and notice she is smiling at her phone.

“Who’s that?” You raise your head trying to see her screen.

She quickly presses the lock button. “Oh that was just my mum.”

_That soooo wasn’t her mum._

She notices you questioning her, “So are you going out to the Zeta’s party tonight?”

Finally a topic we can talk about. “No, I think I might just stay home. How about you? After your dinner with your mum?”

“No it’s not really my scene, too many drunks and way too many Zeta bro’s trying to pick up girls. Plus I might actually stay the night at my Mums.”

“Oh okay, that’s cool. Hows uni?” You rest your elbow on the table and put your chin in your palm. This is going to be boring.

Your date went on and on with just stupid irrelevant small talk. After Danny dropped you home you got dressed back in your sweats and tank top. This time you put on some movies instead.

Danny didn’t even apologize for how rude she was last night. All she talked about was this dinner with her mum, her roommate Natasha and how she doesn’t understand why people at Silas U are so unsafe. Just because a person blow up the science lab last week, I think we all know who that was. Another person spray painted each school building with #pizzaordeath and we have a serial prankster on the loose. Does not mean we are unsafe it simply means that we are have fun and are creative.

//

Half way through your second movie, third packet of cookies and 6th soda can there is a knock on the door. You check the time on your phone, **8:30pm.** _Who the hell is this?_ Theres another eager knock. You hurry to the door and open it.

Kirsch bounds in wearing nothing but a white sheet wrapped around his waist and deer antlers.

“Hey Laura!” He looks you up and down.

You follow his eyes and wow, now it looks like a cookie factory exploded on your chest.

“Rough day in the office hey?” He jumps on to your bed.

You sit down next to him and rest your head on his shoulder.

“You have no idea. First Danny pushes our date forward, then she only lets me order a drink because she is in a hurry and then she wouldn’t get off her phone.” Kirsch exhales, “Oh oh oh I haven’t got to the best part. She completely forgot that the diner she took me to is actually where we had our first date.”

Kirsch throws his arm around you, “I thought we talked about this L.”

“I know but I’m just so bummed out.” You both sit there in silence

“Wait,” you look down to what he is wearing, “Why are you only wearing deer antlers and nothing but a sheet?”

He jumps up and stands in front of you, “To be honest I’m not really sure. I woke up in it.” 

“Wow…” You look at him.

“But what I do know is that you need to get out of this room that smells like farts and cookies.”

“No it…” You sniff the room, “Woah, it does.”

“I don’t know whether to be impressed or disappointed in you.” Kirsch puts his hand on your shoulder and shakes his head.

“But! You better be coming to the Zeta’s party.”

“I don’t know, Charlie’s Angels Full Throttle is my next movie and I really like it.”

“Laura I need you to come to this party. It is clear that whatever is going on here, “ He gestures to your cookie and soda stained clothes, “…is just not working for me boo boo.” He snaps his fingers.

“Fine. I’ll go!”

“Yes!” He throws his fist in the air. “Now you need to change out of those clothes asap.”

“Alright, alright.” You walk to the cupboard grab a shirt and jeans. “Give me a minute.” You went back to the bathroom.

 

 

CARMILLA

After Laura left the party last night there was no point in you staying so you shared a taxi with the ginger twins back to their dorm room. Perry made the sofa into a very comfortable bed for you to sleep on but no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t sleep. You couldn’t help yourself but worry for Laura. Eventually you got up for a cigarette. Their balcony was small but just perfect for one chair and a coffee table. The 3am air was cold but the heat from your cigarette warmed your lips. You stare up at the black sky. It is a clear night but the stars weren’t out. Everything was still; there was no noise and no people on the street. It was quiet. It was good. You love the night time. There’s something about it that is just so untouched. It’s like the world has stopped rotating. You sit back in the chair and watch as the smoke escapes from your mouth. You look back at your phone wanting to text Laura. You heard what she said to Danny. She doesn’t need someone who is always checking up on her. She doesn’t need a security guard she just needs someone you will let her have her independence but at the same time be there if she needs help.

Maybe that’s what you did wrong. Maybe you suffocated her with attention, maybe you were too desperate.

“Fuck.” You whisper.

“Since when do you smoke?” Lafontaine opens the door and walks out. They lean against the railing looking up to the sky

“Just occasionally.”

They don’t respond instead you both look up to the sky and stare.

“I guess I just need something that I know will kill me to make me feel alive.”

They don’t take their eyes off the black sky, “That bad huh?”

“Mm.” You take in a puff of a cigarette, “It’s just…” You slowly let the smoke fall of your lips.

You don’t know what to say. You want Laura that’s it but it’s more complicated than that. You want her on a totally different level. You want to explain what you’re feeling to Laf but you just can’t put it to words. So you just continue to stare.

“You know that pep talk you gave me at the beginning of the year when I was having trouble with Perry?” The bio major looks at you.

“Yeah…”

You look at Lafontaine and remember back to the night you found them crying outside the shop. It was raining and you were walking back from a night at Elsie’s house when you saw a person sitting outside the Study drenched. You walked over to them and sat down next to them. That was the night you met Lafontaine. They explained all about their girlfriend Perry and how Perry is way too good for them. You sat there for hours talking but eventually you took them back to your apartment cooked them a warm meal and gave them a place to stay for the night.

“Well I gave that same speech to Laura, she likes you Carmilla and I can see that you like her as well. I’m the top of my class in biology, chemistry and physics I’m not stupid but I don’t think she is ready to move on from Danny. She is so confused about how to feel and what to do. If I were you I would let her know your there for her and I would let her come to you.”

//

You stayed up all night tossing and turning on the sofa thinking about what Laf said. You wish things weren’t so confusing. You wish Danny would leave, you wish you could run up and kiss Laura and you wish that that stupid box under your bed would open its self so you don’t have to deal with it. Why can’t things just be easy?

“Morning Carmilla.” Perry says too eagerly for 6:00am in the morning.

You sit up heavy eyed, “Morning Perr.”

Perry bends down to pick up a baking tray out of the cupboard, “I’m making cookies do you want to help?”

“Its 6…in the morning.”

“I know that but it’s never too early to bake.” She smile, “no I’m not talking about weed. I’m talking about cookies!”

“Don’t hurt yourself.” You roll your eyes and start to help Perry prepare.

//

“Done!” Perry pulls a fresh tray of choc chip cookies out of the oven.

She places them on the kitchen counter, “Now I’m going for shower don’t touch the cookies they need to rest.” She puts the tea towel done on the counter and walks towards the bathroom.

“You got it Betty Croker.” Laf walks into the kitchen, “Morning.”

Laf runs their hand through their bed hair, “Morning, sleep well?”

“Not at all actually but thank you for asking.” You stare at the cookies.

“You know who likes cookies? Especially choc chip?” Laf says with a mischievous smile.

“I know, I know.”

“She just so happens to also live just down the hall…” Laf nudges you gently.

“What are you suggesting?” You ask.

“Brown paper bags are in the second draw to the left. I’ll distract mum.” Laf turns to walk to the bathroom.

You take the cookies and put them in the paper bag before leaving their dorm room. As you walk down the hall you can see Laura’s door getting closer. Your nerves are building and you feel like you can’t breathe.

 _What are you doing Carmilla?_ You stop. _I can’t do this. No wait I can do this._

You walk about three steps more and then stop again. _Dammit. Carmilla just fucking do it._ You walk to her door and knock. _Oh my god what have I done._

Laura opens the door. Of course now the only word you can manage to get out is ‘Hey’. _What sort of bullshit is that? Act cool. Act cool._

_Don’t just stare at her you fucking weirdo. Say something anything!_

“I got you choc chip cookies.” _That’s really the best you can do._

“Perry made them.”

_Okay, now you’re both staring. Say something._

“I just wanted to make sure you are okay.” _She just got into a fight with Danny about that. Carmilla you’re a mess._

“Not that you needed me to make sure you’re okay.”

_You look pathetic. Oh shit did she just offer for you to come inside? Bad idea! Bad idea! Back away back away!_

“Actually I have to be somewhere but I’ll see you around.” _Wow you really pulled that one off._

_Just walk away and don’t ever go back._

//

You get home and fall onto your bed. You are so exhausted on like a cellular level. You chances with Laura are slim. She has been fighting to try and keep her and Danny’s relationship together either the sex is good or she sees something in Danny that literally no one else can. Laura is just too good and innocent.

Last night’s fight and the lack of sleep has really got to you so you have decided to take a break from reality and have a nap. All this thinking about Laura and seeing her but not being able to touch her or even talk to her without stumbling over your words is driving absolutely crazy. You have had many flings with girls but never to this level. Laura taken up every corner of your mind. She has got into your blood stream and when you don’t get your dose of her you ache and crave for her. What has this girl done to you?

You pull the blanket up over you and close your eyes. You have another party again tonight so you definitely need your rest. You start to drift off to sleep when your awakened by your phone buzzing next to you. Without looking you answer and put it up to your ear.

“Hello…”

“Carmilla, it’s your mother.”

At the sound of her voice shivers run down your spine and you sit up immediately.

“I hope you are making the most of the business courses in Silas U. I am just calling to let you know that I have remarried as of yesterday.”

You must have heard her wrong, “Pardon?”

“Do pay attention dear. I have remarried as of yesterday.”

What?! Anger fills your body. How dear she remarry but you have to keep your cool. You cannot let her know that she has gotten to you; you will not give her the satisfaction.

“Congratulations Mother.”

“Thank you, I’m glad to hear that you respect it. Well I have to go; I hope to hear from you shortly.”

The line goes dead and you throw your phone across the room.

“Fuck her!” You yell.

You hate her. You hate her with a passion. Before Dad died everything was okay. You were okay but then he just disappeared. He just left, without a word, without a goodbye. Your Mother went crazy. She hit you and screamed at you. She made your life a living hell. If she didn’t go crazy maybe you wouldn’t be so fucked up. Maybe Laura would love you; maybe you’d be actually worth giving two shits about. Maybe you could help Kirsch more and get him away from his Dad. You wish everything could be different, you wish the world didn’t make you so bitter.

“Fuck this!” You scream again this time throwing an empty can towards the door.

 

//

The party is exactly how you expected it to be Zeta’s house stopping every ten seconds to say hey to one of his bros. The house is crowded so to find anything you have to look up on the ceiling where the Zetas have put labels, like a supermarket. Luckily Kirsch is tall enough to see over everybody. You follow the footballer closely hoping no one will run into you. You both get to the drinks table and he pulls two beers out of the fridge.

“I said yes to the party, but I said nothing about drinking.” You put your hand on your hip.

He rolls his eyes, “Fine… more for me.” He rushes off outside to the patio.

The lounge room is the dance floor with a DJ, the dining room next to it has been turned into a Beer Pong arena and the whole kitchen is the drinks table. There is a stair case that leads up to the second floor this is where the rooms are and bathroom. Outside in the back yard there is a long plastic sheet that runs almost the length of the yard with a blow up pool filled with water at the end. A bunch of boys are sliding down the tarp on their stomach and straight into the pool. On the patio there is another blow up pool with two girls in bikini’s wrestling in what seems to be slime? You really aren’t sure.

You’re in a little black dress so you aren’t really dressed for slime or a water slide. You look around to find some where comfortable to sit and watch the drunken mess of people dancing. It’s not long until you find Lafontaine and Perry cuddling on a sofa pushed up against the back wall opposite the dance floor.

“Laf! Perry!” You shout across the room but they don’t hear you.

 _Dammit._ Now you have to cross the dance floor. You push through the crowd to the sofa.

“Laura!” Laf jumps up and hugs you.

“Hey guys!” You have to yell so they can hear you.

You sit down next to them and tell them all about your day. You explain that Danny is an asshole and Carmilla is a big softy. You tell them how Danny didn’t recognize the diner and how Carmilla brought you fresh cookies. Saying everything out loud again reminds you of how big of a mess you’re in. You can’t believe you got yourself in this situation again.

“So that’s where my cookies went!” Perry rolls her eyes.

“Wanna drink?” Laf says as they get up.

You are still on an emotional rollercoaster from explaining everything to Perry and Laf.

“You know what? I deserve a mother fing drink! Let’s go!”

CARMILLA

 

You really aren’t in a party mood at the moment but you know if you don’t show up Kirsch will personally hold it against for years and probably the same with Lafontaine. After all, it is your team’s celebration party you have to make an appearance. After hearing the news from your mother and having to stay away from Laura you’re surprised you haven’t already started drinking. You are so angry but you don’t know with you. You’re angry at Laura from leading you on and then you’re angry at your Mother for just leaving Dad behind like that. You walk to the fridge and pull a six pack of beer out. Luckily the Zeta’s house is only just down the road so you can finish the beers on your way. Gosh, you hope the alcohol will slow your mind down.

**Laura**

You stand on the edge of the dance floor trying to find Laf. They poured you a drink and then disappeared into the crowd. You contemplate going into the drunken crowd but considering the Zetas have started pouring beer on the dancer you decide it would be best if you stayed dry. You finally spot the wild red head in the crowd you yell out to them but it’s useless against the thumping of the music.

“Laura!” You hear your name shouted but before you could react Kirsch pushes you into the crowd.

“Sorry!” He puts his arms up and flexes before running off chanting, “Pizza or death!”  
You stumble back and fall into Laf. Their hair has fallen and you can see them wiping the beer out of their eyes so they can see. The strobe lights have picked up and the bass is about to drop. Laf grabs one of your hands and Perry the other.

“1…2…3…JUMP!”

They whole crowd jumps up and down to the bass. You can feel your shirt cling to your body as you become drenched in beer. To be honest, you don’t really care. You dance, jump and move to the music. Finally, you’re not thinking about Danny or Carmilla. You are just enjoying yourself: you’re being you for a change instead of trying to keep everyone happy. Maybe life can be easy: you were the one making it complicated.

 

**CARMILLA**

You walk through the door of the Zeta’s house you only have a couple mouthfuls left of your last can. You stand in the door way and chug it down. You look up to see they already have the beer cannons going and they are about to start the foam. You find Kirsch by the drinks table and walk over to him.

You lean against the kitchen counter next to him. You both are looking out to the dance floor.

“Since when did they start the beer cannons inside the house?”

“Since they moved all the expensive stuff upstairs.” He crushes the empty beer can in his hand. “What awoke Dracula from the dead?” He nudges your shoulder and moves to the fridge.

“Mother remarried.” Kirsch hands you a beer.

“Oh ouch.” Kirsch leans next to you again.

“Yep.” You continue to stare blankly out into the crowd.

“Well Laura is here if that makes anything better.”

“No not really. I was hoping to forget about all that for one night.”

“Well…” Kirsch looks outside to the balcony, “there’s babe fighting in bikinis outside?”

“Is there beer out there as well?”

“You bet ya!” Kirsch begins to walk outside as you follow the over grown puppy.

 

**LAURA**

Dancing without alcohol is tiring. Your calf muscles are burning form jumping up and down and you are still covered in beer. You decide to call it quits and go home before you start to drink more.

You turn to Laf and Perry who are still jumping, “I’m going to go home, I’m tired and…” You gesture to your cold wet body.

“Okay sweetie, be safe.” You hear Perry say as you start to find your way out of the crowd.

You look around to try and find Kirsch. He would know where towels are and maybe some spare clothes if your luckily but he is nowhere in sight. So you decide to try upstairs in the bathrooms.

**CARMILLA**

Ell and Elsie battle it out in the slime pool but you don’t take much interest in the fight. For the last 30 minutes you have been occasionally glancing over at Laura and the ginger twin’s pathetic attempts at dancing. Laf is going all out not caring who they hit, Perry is standing there awkwardly gently moving her hands to the beat and Laura well let’s just say Laura dances how she runs. You really did want to forget all about Laura but you just couldn’t help it. If you hadn’t drunk as much as you have you would be on that dance floor with them. But then again, Laura makes you nervous so you would probably be doing the exact same thing you are doing right now. Which is watching two of your exes wrestle in slime while a guy 5 years your senior and what looks 3 foot taller than you hit on you while he runs back and forth like a puppy dog getting you drinks.

You stand up to walk home. You are tired of being surrounded by people it is only exhausting you and if you are going to have a drunken break down you’d rather do it in the privacy of your own home. The moment you stand you realize how drunk you are. Your head feels like it is full of air, your vision is blurry and you sway back and forth trying to balance yourself.

“Woah.” You say as you lean against a stranger. “Sorry.”

You look up to see it’s the same guy that has been getting you drinks. He has also been dropping one liners and trying to get into your pants every ten seconds.

“I knew you would fall for me.” He says as he grabs your ass in attempt to balance you.

“Get off me.” You hit his hand away and turn to the door that leads inside.

He steps in front of you blocking you path. “How about you and I get out of here?”

“Go fuck yourself.” You snap and turn to walk out the back.

You stumble down the stairs and start to make your way to the side of the house. You can’t see much as the spot lights from the back yard don’t reach this area. As you walk your body sways with the motion.

“Hey baby. That’s not the way to my truck.” He pins you against a tree.

If you weren’t so drunk you would push him off but your strength seems to fail you. As his lips touch your neck you realize what danger you are in. His fingers drive into the sides of your body. They feel like blunt knives piercing your skin.

You gather your strength and push him off you. You try to speak but your drunken mouth won’t cooperate. Your heart rate begins to pick up as you realize what will happen if you don’t get away from him. Before you think of a getaway you feel him grab you and pull you into him. You can see the side gate you just need to get to it and you should be in the light so people can see you. He picks you up and slams you into the ground. Your head hits first and then your body follows. Sharp pains shoot down your spine. You can feel a thumping in your head but all your concentrated on is the way his hands feel like razors running up the sides of your body.

“I’ve been waiting for this all night.” He whispers in your ear.

Your whole body clenches at the sound of his voice. You can feel the weight of his body pushing down on you. He sits up straggling you and tries to undo his belt. This is your chance, while his hands are preoccupied. You wriggle free from underneath him and run towards the side gate. He quickly follows and slams you up against it. A pain like nothing you’ve ever felt before raddles through your body as it makes contact with the wooden gate. You fall to the ground and scream. You can taste blood, a lot of it. You can feel it start to fill your mouth. Your vision starts to fade as you feel his hands wrap around your neck.

**LAURA**

You make your way up the stairs as quickly as your calf muscles will let you. You smell of beer and some sort of cologne which is probably from a random guy that kept dancing up against you. Pushing through couples making out you finally find the bathroom. Score! They have clean towels. You bend down to the basin and wash your face of the beer and swear. You feel disgusting and dirty. You wipe your face off with the towel and attempt to dry your clothes with it to. You need to go home. You are over dancing and you aren’t drinking anymore so there isn’t much point stay here.

You put the towel down and walk out into the hall way.

“Danny?!”

You can feel your heart drop and the tears begin to form as the red head pulls her lips off of another girl. You cannot believe what you are seeing. Hands turn into fists and you feel a ball of rage build in your stomach.

Danny has a black haired girl pressed against the wall. Her hands are running up and down her sides under her shirt. You take a step closer clearly Danny didn’t hear you.

“Danny?” You say again.

She immediately stops, “Laura?” He face expression drops and she pulls away from the girl, “I thought you weren’t coming? It’s not what it looks like!”

She takes a step forward grabbing your hand. You don’t know what to do. You feel your whole world crumbling down around you. You came here to have a good time and forget everything but instead your met with a reality check.

“She is just my roommate, I swear.” Danny explains.

You interrupt her before she can go on, “I get it.” You pull your hand from hers. “You had to see your mum tonight. It’s okay.” You push her into the wall and run off down the stairs.

**CARMILLA**

You can’t hear anything over the thumping coming from your head. Your whole body aches under his touch. You feel the weight of his body press you onto the ground. He straddles you once more trying to undo his belt again.

You spit in his face, “Fuck you!”

He slowly brings his hand up to his face and wipes off the saliva. You kick him off and run out of the gate but the lights aren’t on like you expected. He grabs your hair and rips you towards him.

“Come here you fucking bitch.” He yells as he throws you into the ground once more.

He raises his open hand and slaps with his all his strength. You scream from the pain.

“Teach you to spit on me.” He spits back at you.

“Get off me!” You yell as loud as you can but your voice can’t be heard over the music.

You feel your body weaken as the weight on top of you domineers.

 

**LAURA**

You can’t control your anger anymore. Tears begin to fall from your eyes as you run towards Kirsch in the kitchen. You have fought so hard for your relationship but Danny just throws it away like that. You caught her red handed but she still lied directly to your face. You fall into Kirsch arms and begin to sob.

He wraps his arms around you, “Hey…Hey Laura what happ…” He stops as he sees Danny walk down the stairs holding hands with another girl. He holds tighter. “Here are my house keys; you can sleep in my bed, okay?” You nod into his chest as he places the keys into your hand.

He holds you until you start to calm down. As he pulls away he wipes a tear form your cheek, “She clearly has no idea what she has just lost. Go get some cookies and chocolate milk. I’ll be home in the morning. Be safe Hollis.”

Your whole body feels heavy as you walk out the door. The front is dark but the street lights provide just enough light for you to tell out objects. You close your eyes and breathe in trying to calm down. When you open your eyes you are met with a guy on top of a struggling girl. You see him slap the girl across her face. You clench at the sound of his hand hitting her face. You can almost feel the pain start on your cheek. She struggles to get away as he attempts to undo her jeans. Without thinking you race over and kick him in the head. He falls off her. You turn to the girl but it’s too dark to see if she is okay.

“You really should have mind your own business!” He yells as he looks down on you.

You swallow the lump in your throat. He is huge! A lot bigger than you anticipated.

“Thanks to my over protective Dad you have about three seconds to leave this property before the whole police force turns up to arrest you. Now I don’t think you want that now…do you?”

“Oh please.” He takes a step closer closing the gap between you.

You don’t take your eyes off of his, “Do you want to try me?”

“Whatever.” He pushes past you hitting your shoulder.

You watch as he walks out the front gate and into his truck. You look around for the girl you spot her attempting to walk out the front gate. Her arm is clutching her ribs, she is clearly injured.

“Woah…where do you think you are going.” You bend down to help her up.

“Get off me.” She pushes you off and stands up.

She pushes you with such force you stumble back. “I was just trying to help.”

She stares at you with angry eyes. Her whole body is tense. You can see her chest rising and falling with each deep breath.

“You were trying to help?” She scuffs.

“I care about you Carmilla. I was trying to keep you safe.” You are shocked by her anger.

“Now where have I heard that before?” She turns around to walk away.

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? Is that all I get?” She turns back around. “Laura you fucking lead me on. Every time you didn’t get attention from Xena you came running to me. I was there for you, every second of every day.”

You cut her off, “I know… I know… I’m sorry.” You can feel the tears starting again.

“No fuck you Laura. For two whole weeks I gave you my full attention and weeks before that and you just cut me off. I gave you everything I had. Do you want to know what you gave me?”

She pauses before stepping forward.

“You gave me two weeks of nothing. And then you finally fucking reply to me and get my hopes up. Then you destroyed them by bringing your girlfriend to my biggest game of the season.”

You want to say something other than sorry but you are in shock.

“I’m sorry Carm.”

“You are a selfish callow girl and I am the fool who fell for you. So no Laura sorry doesn’t fucking cut it!”

**CARMILLA**

You watch Laura’s face drop. She stares at you with blank eyes. You see the tears rolling down her cheeks in a steady stream. Your body hurts but that ache in your chest hurts more. Your whole body is on fire. You can feel the adrenaline pumping through your veins. You have so much more to say but right now isn’t the right time.

You step forward to Laura but she steps back. Clearly, you have said enough. You pull the keys to Kirsch’s truck out of your pocket and drive away. You know you have drunk way too much to be driving but you needed to get out of there.

//

You drive up the dirt road to the look out. The tires lock up on the dirt as you come to a stop at the top of the hill. You quickly get out of the truck and slam the door shut.

“Ahhhhh!” You scream out into the night. “Fuck Laura!”

You punch the metal door of the truck. You feel the pain radiate up your arm but it feels good. You brace yourself and punch it again this time leaving a dint.

“Ahhh!” You scream to the sky again.

You kick the back tire immediately sending spines of pain up through your ankle. Tears have started to uncontrollably fall out of your eyes.

“I hate this.” You slam your hands on the truck.

“Carmilla!” You hear Laura yell as she runs up the hill.

“Great. What the fuck do you want?” You turn to her.

She keeps walking towards you.

“I want to know what’s wrong with you?!”

“He never fucking came home.” You pause and stare at her.

“Do you want to know what’s wrong with me? My Dad never came home and now I’m fucked up. If he came home I wouldn’t have a box under my bed and I wouldn’t stay up every night waiting for him to come home.” You can’t stop yourself now.

“Do you know what it is like waiting up every night for someone who you know won’t come home but you still hang on to that last thread of hope? I hate it! I hate him for not coming home.”

You breathe in, “And no matter how hard I train he will never come home and say he is proud of me.”

Laura stares at you not knowing what to say.

“And I finally let down my wall for you Laura. I finally let someone see a side of me I’ve never shown before. And you left…just like him. Now I can’t stand to be near you.”

“Why? Just before you were yelling at me for not being with you.” She stares at you intently.

“Because.” You turn and walk to the concrete platform.

“That’s not an answer Carm.” The blonde hair girl follows.

“Because it hurts!” You yell.

“I hurt you?” Her face drops.

You can’t help yourself now.

“Because I get this relentless ache in my chest. Like I’m looking for something but I’ve forgotten what it is. Like I need to be somewhere, like I’m missing something, like there’s something I should be doing and I never knew what it was. But then every time I’m around you it starts pulling me towards you. It’s like I have tunnel vision and the only thing I can see is you. The only thing I ever see is you…”

You step forward. “And you scare me because even after everything you have done my walls still come crashing down every time you are near… You calm me down Laura. I’m a mess when I’m not with you. My whole life has always been a mess but then suddenly you come along and everything makes sense.”

You step forward closing the gap between you two. “And all that hurts because I can’t have you.”

You feel a weight fall off your shoulders. The whole world feels lighter now. You feel like your floating. You close your eyes and breathe. Laura’s hands grab your waist and pull you in. She rests her forehead on yours. For a moment you both stay in each other’s embrace letting a silence fall between you two. You open your eyes to be met with Laura’s.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper.

Her hand runs up your side giving you butterflies. Her other hand follows the outline of your jawline to your lips. Her thumb gently brushes across your bottom lip. You close your eyes and lean in. Laura’s lips meet yours and your heart beats faster. You melt into the kiss as her arms pull you in. She bites your bottom lip before her tongue gently runs across it. The kiss is deep and emotional. Tears are still falling from your eyes. Your hand reaches the back of her neck and pulls her in. You intertwine your fingers with her hair and gently pull. A small groan escapes her lips. You kiss her again but with more passion. You both can’t get enough of each other. She kisses you deeply and your tongues dance against each other.

She slowly pulls back. You keep your eyes closed trying to take in every moment.

She looks at you with a sincere small smile. “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

 

 

 

 

**LAURA**

The drive home was slow and painful. Carmilla didn’t let go of your hand the entire drive. With every bump her battered body tensed up making her squeeze your hand. She didn’t say much on the drive back to her house. However she did threaten to walk home if you kept driving like a ‘Grandma’.

You walk into the house watching the sore girl groan every time her body moved the wrong way. She eventually gets to her bed and collapses onto it.

“Ah fuck.”  She holds her ribs.

“Can I get you like an ice pack or something?”

You really don’t know what to say. You just had this magical story book kiss and now you are acting like it never happened. She poured her heart out to you and you still haven’t said anything about it. All you know is that you aren’t going to leave her, not again.

“I need a shower.” She looks up at you and raises her eyebrow.

_Wait, does she mean that like…Oh gosh._

You swallow, “um… yep…”

“So are you going to help me up Cupcake or just stand there fidgeting?”

“Yep…right… of course.”

You help her stand up and walk to the shower. She is definitely more hurt than she is putting on. You can feel her walk lightly trying not to put too much weight on her injuries.

“Is there anything else you need?” You ask while standing at the door of the bathroom.

“No I think I’m okay…”

You smile and turn around to walk back to her room.

“I mean you could join me.”

You can feel your cheeks turn pink, “Yeah but you would enjoy that too much.”

“Actually Cupcake I need your help.”

You laugh, “Oh please.”

“No I actually need your help you dick.” You hear her laugh.

“Oh shit.” You race back into the bathroom.

Carmilla is standing there with a defeated look on her face.

“I can’t lift up my arms.” She looks down.

You walk over and kiss her cheek. Your hands run up her sides as they lift up her shirt. Your lips stay a centimeter off of her cheek. You let your hot breath hit her cold cheek. Your hands make their way to her bra. You bite the bottom of her ear and then kiss her neck. Your hands slowly move to the back of her bra and undo the clip. You feel her take in a sharp breath as her bra loosens on her body.

“I underestimated you.” She smirks.

“Oh shh.” You giggle and slowly lift up her shirt.

You look down and see a bruise that stretches up her side. Its black and purple.

“Oh my gosh Carm.”

You run a hand gently up and down.

“Okay so I’m a little sore.”

“A little! Your lip is busted, your eye is black and you have a black hole on the side of your body. Stop being so tough.” You pause, “Let me guess you can’t take your pants off either?” You wink.

“I think I can manage my pants cutie.” She steps forwards. “But…”

She grabs you and pulls you in. Her hands trace up the outline of your torso. You take a breath at the sudden contact. Her warm fingers feel like fire on your beer soaked body.

“But… I think you need some help.” She continues.

Her hands snake their way up your body. Her tongue runs up your neck as she pulls your shirt up. Once your shirt is off you run your hands down her shoulders slipping off her bra straps. You kiss across her collar bone. Her head tips back from pleasure. You take it as permission and gently let her bra fall to the ground. She tucks her fingers under the belt of your jeans. Shivers run through your body. She pulls you in tight against her body. She kisses you with urgency. You kiss her back deeply matching her intensity.

**CARMILLA**

You want her. You want every part of her. Electricity runs from your lips through your body. You kiss Laura with haste. You want to take in every moment. Your hands kept Laura close as she undoes the button of your jeans. Her hands come up to your neck and pull you in for a kiss. You bite her lip and a moan escapes her mouth. It sounds like music to your ears. Her breathing becomes rapid. You can feel her chest move up and down as she tries to catch her breath. Your fingers undo the button of her jeans. She steps back and without taking her eyes off you she takes off her jeans. Laura walks up to you making you step back into the basin. You are now pressed against the basin as she slides her hands down your body underneath your jeans. They fall to your ankles. You step out of them and Laura pulls the jeans aside.

She leaves a trail of kisses across your jawline, down your neck. She nips your collar bone. Her lips trail to your breast. You groan as her lips hit your nipple. Her hands press on your neck gently choking you. She kneels and her nails run down your sides. She leaves kisses across the top of your undies. Her teeth bite on the fabric pulling them down exposing you. Her tongue slips along your hip bone and you thrust into her in response. You can feel your center throbbing. Your aching for Laura explodes as your hands tangle in her hair and push her to exactly where you want it.

Her tongue is warm against your cold wet center. You groan at the feeling. You look down to see her looking up with dirty eyes. Her tongue finds your clit and your hips jolt forward.

“Mmm” Laura moans into your center.

You thrust back and forth while her tongue dances. You can feel it building. Your knees start to go weak and your head is starting to become dizzy. You can’t stop yourself moaning as Laura’s tongue goes deeper. Her tongue starts to move faster. Your hands grip on to the basin tighter as you feel yourself about to release. You let out one final moan before your entire body clenches and releases.

Laura slows down and then kisses your dripping wet center. You struggle to catch your breath. She leaves kisses up your body. She stands up and you can see yourself dripping off her mouth. She brings her hand up and wipes her chin before her tongue licks you off of her hand.

She leans in to whisper in your ear, “Ever tasted yourself?”

Before you can reply she presses against you and kisses you. Her tongue slips across yours you taste yourself on her tongue.

She pulls back, “I’ll let you shower.”

 

 

**LAURA**

Walking into Carmilla’s room you spot an oversized shirt on the floor. You can still taste Carmilla on your tongue. Your whole body is still craving her but you aren’t ready to do anything else just yet. You still have to deal with Danny. You slip into the shirt and make yourself comfortable on her bed. You reach for your phone on the bedside table. It buzzes in your hand.

_6 messages, 13 missed calls._

**10:21pm Danny: “Laura where are you? We need to talk.”**

**10:26pm Danny: “Seriously I have looked everywhere.”**

**10:37pm Danny: “Don’t ignore me?”**

**10:55pm Danny: “Laura?”**

**11:00pm Danny: “She doesn’t mean anything. I’m sorry. I messed up.”**

**11:35pm Danny: “Apparently you left with Carmilla. Well it’s nice to know where you stand.”**

Everything with Danny comes crashing back down. You take a deep breath. Danny doesn’t deserve you. You fought for her but she took you for granted. You don’t want to hear what she has to say. She was cheating on you there’s nothing else to say.

You are pulled from your thoughts when Carmilla walks into the room wrapped in a towel. She walks to her dresser and pulls out bummers and a sports bra. You look back to your phone to give her some privacy.

“Move over Cupcake.”

She slowly lies down next to you. She stretches out her arm for you to cuddle into her.  You rest gently on her chest listening to her heart beat as she plays with your hair. You are worried about her and you haven’t forgotten about what she said tonight. About falling for you, her Dad leaving and how you make her feel.

“What are you thinking about?” She whispers not wanting to break the silence.

“My Mum left.” You pause. You feel her exhale deeply, “She left when I was 7. One day I came home from school and she just wasn’t there.”

Carmilla breathing changes to deep steady follow of exhales and inhales.

“I’m sorry Cupcake.”

“So I know what it feels like. I understand what it is like staying up late looking out your window waiting for them to drive into the drive way.” She doesn’t reply, “I just don’t want you to feel alone. It’s okay to feel whatever your feeling.”

“Thanks Cutie.”

“It’s okay.” You kiss her neck.

“You are very beautiful Laura Hollis.”

A smile spreads across your face. “You too Carm.”

You close your eyes and listen to the sound of her breathing. You’re comfortable with her. You don’t have to try around her like you did with Danny, everything is just so easy with Carm.

Danny leaves your mind as you fall asleep to the rhythm of Carm’s heart beat and the sound of her chest rising and falling.


	8. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to some truth bombs dropped by Laf, a talk from her Dad and a confronting shift at work Laura has finally figured out how she feels about both Danny and Carmilla.

**LAURA**

 

“Morning sleeping beauty.”  

She looks at you and smiles but the smile opens her lip further.

 “Ah.” She says quietly as she touches her lip, “Morning Cupcake.”  Her tongue runs over the cut.

You put the cooked pancake on a plate and pour more mixture into the pan.

“Pancakes?” You put the plate on the kitchen counter in front of her.

“I’d love some.”

//

After you cook the whole batch of pancake mixture you sit down next to Carmilla on the sofa to eat breakfast. She hasn’t said much since waking up. You’re afraid you stepped over the line last night or maybe she doesn’t even remember it either way you’re scared.

“How are you feeling?” You say clearly worried for her.

“I’m okay.” She doesn’t take her eyes off of her plate.

“Did he do anything..?”

“Laura.” She breathes in. “I said I’m okay, can we just drop it?”

You can tell that her wall is up and you honestly don’t blame her. After everything that happened to her last night you expected a lot worse. Actually you had no idea what to expect. She poured her heart out to you last night. She let herself be vulnerable and you have no idea how to act around her now. It shouldn’t change anything between you to but it has. She likes you a lot but you are still caught up with Danny problems. Technically you are still in a relationship with Danny so you just can’t go giving yourself to Carmilla. To be honest, you’re not entirely sure if you even want to be with Carmilla. I mean, you like her well you think you like her and there is no doubt your physically attracted to her. You have gotten yourself into quiet the mess.

Last night was crazy maybe you should just see if she is okay. She probably feels like complete crap.

“I’m worried…” You still get no reaction, “It’s just I really…. You are a really good friend and this is the last thing I wanted to happen to you. The last couple weeks I really messed up. I tried to force things with Danny.”

Carmilla’s face drops at the sound of Danny’s name. Alright let’s avoid bringing up Danny from now on.

 “Carm if he hurt you, if he did anything to you, you know that’s…”

“I know what it is Laura…” She stares directly at you. You can see her jaw clench as she looks down, “…and nothing happened. I was drunk I messed up. That’s it.”

She speaks abruptly like she wants to avoid talking about last night as much as possible.

 

**CARMILLA**

You really didn’t want Laura to bring up what happened last night. You just want to ignore it. This morning has been painful enough. Your sides ache, your lip reopens every time you speak and the way Laura keeps looking at you with that worried expression makes you want to run and hide forever.

A part of you wants to forget the taste of her lips, the strokes of her tongue and the way her hands lit sparks on your skin but a part of you wants to remember every little detail of the happenings of last night. Like how your hands ached as they battled against the gravity that was thrusting you on Laura’s mouth or the way she fitted perfectly in your arms.

You slide a hand through your messy hair, this morning is going to be rough but you can’t ignore it like you do everything else. You are going to have to confront it because whether you like it or not Laura is literally right next to you so you can’t run away this time.  You close your eyes and lean back into the sofa. This morning is going to be hard.

You feel the empty plate lift off your lap. You open your eyes and watch Laura walk into the kitchen to do the dishes. She places the dishes into the sink and turns on the tap. You follow her to the kitchen and sit on the bar stool at the bench opposite her.

“Lafontaine is going to pick me up and take me home.” Laura announces quickly.

You’re taken back by how quickly she spoke. It takes you a moment to figure out what she said.

“I can take you home, if you want?”  The offer slipped off your tongue before you got the chance to think about what you said.

Laura stops what she is doing and pauses for a moment.

You notice her hesitation, “Or Lafontaine can pick you up. Whatever. Doesn’t bother me I was just trying to be nice.” The words come out with more hostility than you intended.

“I’m home!” The front door swings open and in walks Kirsch.

Both you and Laura jump at the sound of the door hitting the wall. Your whole body clenches as a wave of pain runs through you.

“Argh.” Your hands tighten into fists. “Kirsch.” You slowly turn your head to see the boy standing in the door way.

He has a box of beer under one arm and a football under the other. Laura notices that you’re in pain and rushes over to you putting a reassuring hand on your shoulder. Kirsch stands there staring at you and Laura.

“Sorry if I interrupted but I have a big package that will benefit all of us.”

Laura crosses her arms in front of her chest and you roll your eyes.

“You are disgusting Kirsch. I have seen it once I am not seeing it again.”

You shake your head as you’re taken back by what Laura said. When did Laura see Kirsch’s dick? You look to Laura in confusion.

“What?!”

“You may be a sexy reporter lady but that is not what I’m talking about.” He puts down the box of beer and passes Laura the football.

“Stay right there.”

He walks back out on to the patio leaving the door open. You both do what your told and stay staring at the open door.

“Shit.” You hear a thud coming from the patio, “Crap…wait I got it.”

Kirsch shuffles back in dragging in a long box.

Out of breath Kirsch speaks, “I got… us a… new TV!” He springs back up presenting the TV to you. “57 inches of pure perfection.”

You smile at how excited he is about the TV.

“Holy shit Kirsch.” You slowly stand up. “That’s awesome.”

He runs over and picks you up in a bear hug. He squeezes you tight like usual. You can feel every bone in your body scream from the pressure. You can’t help but let out a small yelp.

“Kirsch!” Laura lunges towards you as Kirsch puts you back to your feet.

As he lets go your whole body releases and then clenches back up again. You can feel your head start to throb again and your rib cage start to spasm piercing pain. Laura holds you up by your shoulders.

“You okay?” She says with a carrying tone.

You shrug her off, “yeah I’m fine.” You turn around and walk to the bathroom.

 

**LAURA**

After Laf picked you up from Carmilla’s house they took you back to The Study. The shop is closed but Perry and Laf were busy cleaning and sorting bookshelves. You have spent the last half hour explaining to the couple what had happened last night.

 “Honey, I’m sorry.” Perry leans over the table and places her hand on yours.

“Wow L. You’re in a mess.” Lafontaine leans back into their chair.

You run a hand through your hair gently squeezing the roots and then releasing.

“So now Carmilla is being all broody and she is completely ignoring me and I don’t know what to do.” Dropping your head into your hands you exhale.

“Well how do you feel about her sweetie?” Perry asks.

You accidently ignore her as you are too focused on your own thoughts.

“And since Carmilla has completely ignored the fact that I went ‘you know’…” You gesture to your down stairs, “…down on her I don’t know how to act around her. She definitely remembers it because trust me she was pretty sober by then.”

Your phone buzzes.

“Oh crap… I still have to deal with Danny.” 

You pick your phone up but before you could look at the message Lafontaine slaps it out of your hands.

“One thing at a time Laura.”

You look to them defeated. “What do I do guys?”

“Before you can go running off with Carmilla you need to deal with Danny.”

“Ugh… Your right.”

“They are always right.” Perry turns to Laf and kisses their forehead, “my little genius.”

 

//

It’s been two days since the party and you haven’t stopped thinking about Carmilla. To be honest, you don’t know how you feel about her. Sure, lately she is all you think about. So what if she gives you butterflies when she touches you and you melt into her arms but that doesn’t mean you like her does it?

Suppose you haven’t really been given yourself the chance to figure it out. For the last couple of weeks you ignored her and focused on Danny and for months before that your main focus was on Danny. You focused so hard on trying to keep Danny that maybe you just need to focus on yourself before anyone else.

You lay in your bed reading over your study material as you let your mind wonder to places and people it probably shouldn’t. Places being Carmilla’s bed and people being Carmilla. You have had to read over a couple of pages twice as you keep losing track of what you are reading.

“You are hopeless Laura.” Betty laughs from the kitchen.

You put your book on your chest, “What I do?”

“Yes Laura. What did you do?” She lies down on her bed. “You have barely talked about what happened at that party on Friday night.” She says with a cheeky smirk, “I know what happened with Danny but I also know that you didn’t come back here after the party. So Laura Hollis.” She sits up to stare you down. “Where did you go?”

You roll your eyes. You know she won’t give up until you tell her.

“I just went home to a friend’s house.” You smile.

She sits forwards resting her elbows on her knees. “Does this ‘friend’ have black hair and a bad habit of tight fitting leather pants? Please Laura I can read you like a book.”

You giggle at the description of Carmilla. Betty knows you way too well for you to lie to her.

“Oh my… Laura Hollis you naughty girl.” She throws a pillow at you. “Did you and Carmilla…”

You cut her off, “No…” You sit up, “well not completely…” A cheeky smirk spreads across your face. You lick your lips and run your thumb across your bottom lip in a suggestive manner.

You can’t help but smile because despite how terrible some events from that night were you haven’t forgotten the taste of Carmilla on your lips and the way she thrusted back and forth on your mouth.

“Laura!” Betty jumps onto your bed, “You are so gross!” She lies down next to you.

You are happy for a moment. That was until you realize how difficult it made things.

“Yeah but it’s not a big deal.” You lie down next to Betty.

“Not a big deal? Girl!” She can’t contain herself. She sits back up.

“It’s complicated. The next morning she just ignored me.”

“Baby girl, you went down on Carmilla Karnstein.”

“So? She has been with plenty of girls if anything I should be worried.”

“You are so oblivious.” She nudges you, “No one has ever done anything to Carmilla like ever! She takes girls to parties, lets them drink and then takes them home.”

“What?”

“Yeah seriously Laura. I only kissed her because we got caught up in a game of spin the bottle. I hate using this word but she isn’t a slut. Her study buddies aren’t actually ‘study buddies’. She like lets her dates go wild at parties and then takes them home safely.”

“No.” You sit up in disbelief.

“Um yeah! I’m being serious. I can’t believe you actually went down on her.”

You hit her arm, “Stop saying that!” You put your head in your hands, “So that’s why she was so weird the next morning.”

Betty lies back down, “that was probably just her hangover. Laura you need to step up your game. You are missing out on so much baby girl.”

**_Knock, Knock, Knock._ **

“Laura I know you’re in there. We need to talk.” You hear Danny yell from the other side of the door.

You look at Betty, “Please?”

“You can’t keep ignoring her L.” She looks at you waiting for a response, “Fine. But you owe me.”

“Thanks B.” You kiss her cheek and walk to the bathroom.

“She still isn’t here Danny. I think she went off with her Dad or something.”

“Well can you tell her I’m looking for her? We need to talk.”

“Sure thing.”

//

Today The Study is unusually busy. Perry is in the kitchen making burgers and sandwiches while Laf is hot on their toes running around cleaning up tables, books and dirty dishes. You’re racing to try and keep up with orders and coffee. Every table has people seated at it and you haven’t been able to relax all day. The doorbell rings as it opens drawing your attention from the coffee machine to the door. Carmilla walks in wearing one of Kirsch’s football jerseys and sweat pants. She looks exhausted as she slowly makes her way to the book shelf. She doesn’t look your way. She doesn’t even look around to find Laf or Perry.

“Stop staring Laura you look desperate.” Laf says as they rest their hand on your shoulder.

You snap out of your gaze and finish off the coffee you are making.

“I wasn’t staring and stop thinking there is something between us.” You scrunch up your face at Laf.

“If there’s nothing between you two then why haven’t you talked to her yet?” They raise their eyebrow.

“I…she…It’s weird.” You exhale in defeat.

“It’s okay honey we have all been there. Look at Laf and I, it took us years before we admitted it to each other. Trust me, we have had our struggles.” Perry pops her head through the kitchen window.

“I love you Laura but you need to sort out your feelings. Do you like the poor girl or not?”

//

The lunch time rush died down but most tables still have people seated at them. It has been two hours and Carmilla is still sitting in the same position on the same couch reading the same book. She still hasn’t looked up from the book. She is just sitting there looking adorable wrapped up in a wool blanket.

You pour a hot chocolate and plate up a fresh brownie. You swallow your pride and walk over to the tired girl. The closer you get the more you regret this whole thing. You can feel the butterflies in your stomach and your heart beat picking up.

“Hey.”

She finishes her sentence and looks up to you with a small smile.

“I got you some hot chocolate and a brownie.”

She puts her book down and lifts herself up slowly making sure she doesn’t strain any injured muscles. She sits up and takes the cup and plate out of your hand.

“Busy today?” She speaks quietly as if it hurts to speak.

“Yeah it’s been crazy I haven’t stopped.” You say a little too enthusiastically.

A tension falls between you and Carmilla.

“You look tired.” You roll your eyes at yourself, “I mean…”

Carm looks at you with sincerity in her eyes, “It’s okay Cupcake. Thanks for the food.”

You smile an awkward smile, “It’s okay.” You turn on your heels and walk quickly to the kitchen.

“See it wasn’t that hard.” Laf has their hands on their hips.

You let yourself breathe before you walk back out behind the counter and start to clean the coffee machine. You hum along to the song that is playing as you pick up a cloth and start to wipe down the bench. The front doors burst open making the bell fly across the room. Laf and Perry race out from the kitchen everybody turns to face the girl in the door way. The slam of the doors even manages to pull Carmilla’s attention away from her book.

The pissed of red head looks around the room for you. You walk from behind the kitchen counter to the center of the room.

Her eyes search the room eventually finding you. They are full of determination; her hands are clenched in fists as she storms towards you. Without stopping her arm wraps around your waist pulling you into her. Her other hand wraps around your neck pulling you into a kiss.

She kisses you deeply like she is trying to make you feel something again like she is trying to ignite that spark. You kiss her back but you’re not trying to ignite that spark, you’re trying to figure her out. You are trying to figure out if you feel for her if she really feels for you. But her lips don’t taste like Carmilla’s, they don’t fit with yours like Carmilla’s and her lips don’t make you melt like Carmilla’s. Her lips don’t feel like home.

_Oh crap. Carmilla._

You push Danny off you making her stumble back. You look over to Carmilla. You can feel your heart drop. She stares at you in disbelief. Laf and Perry stand there with their mouths open. You can feel everyone’s eyes on you and Danny.

“Why haven't you replied to my texts?” Danny steps forward closing the gap between you.

You step back recreating the gap, “I thought you would be too busy with your roommate.” You cross your arms in front of you.

Danny steps forward, “That's bullshit! And you know it!” You can almost see the steam coming out of her ears.

“I’m at work Danny. I have to go.” You turn your back on Danny.

She grabs you shoulder hard and turn you around. Her fingers did into your shoulder.

“I was just drunk. I didn't mean it. I would never do that to you Hollis. You’re my girl.” Danny grabs a hold of your hands. “I don't know what I would do without you. I love you.”

As those three words roll off of her tongue your heart drops. She is lying to face, she is lying to the whole shop including Laf and Perry. You swallow the lump that has formed in your throat. You have been trying to avoid everything for too long that it has bottled up inside you. You have been avoiding Carmilla. You have been avoiding Danny and now they are both staring directly at you waiting for you to react. You don’t want to upset anyone. No matter what you say one of the girls will be upset.

Danny notices your hesitation. “Where did you go after the party? I looked for you. I looked everywhere” Danny stares you down.

You look over to Carmilla.  “I… um...” You struggle to get words out.

Danny’s eyes follow yours to the black haired girl.

Carmilla relaxes and sits back into the couch, “Uh Hey.” She gives a half-hearted wave.

Danny looks back at you. Anger fills her eyes as she steps back. Her hands turn into fists. You can tell she is about to explode.

“Well fuck me right?!”  She gestures to you and then to Carmilla.

You thought you prepared yourself for her temper but you clearly didn’t.

“Jokes on me yeah?” She looks around the shop making sure she has everyone’s attention.

“Danny I think you should…” Perry speaks but gets cut off.

“Shut up Betty Croker.” Danny steps towards you making you step back.

“You didn’t give me a chance to explain myself and you are already fucking someone else.” Danny steps forward again.

You step back, “Stop.”

“No Laura. You don’t get to tell me what to do. I wasted fucking months with you Hollis.” She scuffs. “I can’t believe you are fucking Carmilla Karnstein.”

She steps back making you back into the front counter. You have nowhere to move now. She towers over you and stares down at you with a furious glare.

“I’m not.” You say quietly. You can feel your hands shaking from fear.

She rolls her eyes, “I heard…” She turns to Carmilla, “she slept with the entire cheerleading squad.”

Carmilla sits up and rolls her eyes at the accusation, “Oh, were you the one spreading those rumors? Nice try.” She crosses her legs and starts picking at her finger nails.

“You know what Hollis, I expected more from you. If anything I’m a little disappointed in you. I thought your mother would have taught you better.”

You feeling your heart shatter into a million pieces. Your hand covers your mouth as you try to stop yourself from crying in front of everyone but you can’t help it. Tears begin to fall and your lungs start to skip breaths.

“Xena!” Carmilla stands. Everyone’s attention is pulled from the red head straight to the now angry Carmilla. “Do you really think you’re doing a lick of actual good? Coming here,” Carmilla gesture to the café. “Yelling at a girl who you don’t deserve to even talk to let alone be in her breathing space.” She starts to walk to towards Danny and you.

“No one wants you here Carmilla. Go brood elsewhere.” Danny snaps.

Carmilla steps between you and the furious red head. Carmilla reaches behind to grab your hand as she faces Danny. She gives it a reassuring squeeze.

“Who do you think you are talking to Laura like that?” Carmilla lets go of your hand and steps up to Danny challenging her. “You are a child and you understand nothing. Not about life, not about this place…” Carm steps forward making Danny step back. “And certainly not about what it takes to treat… You know what, the sooner you stop playing Laura the better off you’ll be.” The raging black haired girl steps forward and drives her finger into Danny’s shoulder. “So I suggest you walk out the doors you entered and never step a foot on this campus again. Don’t text or call Laura or make any attempt to see her because you are over. Otherwise you will have to deal with me and trust me my mother has this school and your school wrapped around her finger so don’t think I will hesitate to ruin you and your precious roommate.” Carmilla drives her finger into Danny’s shoulder once more before Danny storms out of the shop.

She turns to you with sorry eyes.

“Alright we are closing up early!” Laf yells, “Come back tomorrow for a free coffee. Now leave!”

“Laf and I are just going to go. You can lock up Laura.” Perry puts a hand on your shoulder before following the crowd out.

You are still standing there staring at Carmilla. The way Danny so easily used your mum against you makes you wonder if she ever loved you like she said she did. The door shuts behind Perry and you break down. You can’t hold it together anymore. You spent almost a year with Danny to find out that she has been cheating for months.

Carmilla rushes to your aid as you collapse to the ground.

“I’m so sorry.” She holds you as you cry on her shoulder. “I’m so sorry Laura.” She whispers.

As you fall into her arms you realize you’re not mad at losing Danny. You’re not mad at the way she used your mum against you. You’re not mad at all. You’re confused. You’re in this place between what’s right and what feels right. You want to be with Carmilla, you want to fall asleep in her arms. That’s what feels right, that’s what you want to do. But you know you can’t because you just got out of a relationship. You were trying to do what was right. You were trying to keep both Danny and Carmilla happy but in the process you messed everything up.

You close your eyes to try and control your thoughts. You want to just relax and forget about everything for a while.

“Carm, I need to get out of here.”

“Okay Creampuff, where would you like to go?” She tucks stray hairs behind your ears.

“To bed.”

She smiles a small smile. “Alright, I’ll call Betty.”

She reaches for her phone but you grab her hand, “No I mean your bed.”

Her smile grows a little bigger, “okay Cupcake.”

**CARMILLA**

You empty the packet of cookies on to a plate for the sad girl in your bed. The whole ordeal in the café has really shaken her up. You have been home for 20 minutes and she still hasn’t said a word. You want to help her but you don’t know how. The way Danny addressed Laura in front of everyone really shocked you. You have no idea why Laura stayed with Danny for so long especially with the way the red head treated her. Laura found out Danny was cheating on her but yet Danny somehow manage to turn this around on Laura.

You are pulled from your thoughts as the kettle starts to boil. You pour a hot chocolate and with the plate of cookies in one hand you make your way to your room. You pause just outside your door.

_Alright, happy faces._

You slowly crack open the door, “I got you hot chocolate…”

When she doesn’t reply you push open the door a little more and step into your room. The blonde girl is cuddle up in your bed. Her knees are up to her chest and her hair is over her eyes.

Even though she is sad she still looks adorable all cuddled up with pillows. You can get use to seeing her in your bed. You place the plate of cookies and hot chocolate on the bed side table as you sit down next to her. You gently brush her hair out of her face she leans into your touch. You both stay still for a moment letting yourselves feel each other’s touch. A small tear falls from her eyes and hits your hand. You wipe away the tear as you give Laura a small smile.

“Cupcake I got you some choc chip cookies.”

She doesn’t reply.

“And hot chocolate.” She still doesn’t reply.

Lifting the mood isn’t your strong point but you have to give it ago. You have never seen this side of Laura. She is always bouncing and happy but seeing her so sad and miserable breaks your cold heart. She doesn’t deserve this especially from Danny.

“I don’t want to brag but I did add extra chocolate…” You playfully nudge her.

“Or… how about some choc chip cookies...” She doesn’t move.

 “Come on...” you gently nudge her, “I know they are your favourite. Personally I like the mint cookies just because you bite into them and then BAM! It’s just like you brushed your teeth…” You get cut off.

“Stop, please, stop.” Laura says with a soft sad voice.

“Ah, she speaks.” I was beginning to worry that you’d forgotten how.”

“I know what you’re trying to do. It’s not going to work.” She sighs.

“Oh come on, do you really think whatever deep dark you have got going on is really enough to scare me.” You smile down at her and tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“It’s over... Danny and I… It’s just...”

“Yeah well I’m not really complaining over here.” You joke in hopes that she will smile.

“No. You don’t understand.” She wipes are tears. “I tried so hard trying to fix us. I tried so hard to fix me.” She lifts her head up so she can see your face. “I gave her space when she needed it, I went to her house and I proof read every one of her papers.” The tears are now falling from her eyes. “I tried so hard to fix myself. To fix her and I. I fought so hard for what I thought was right but it all just turned out to be so wrong.”

Seeing Laura like this angers you but you know you need to stay calm for her. It breaks your heart to see and feel how hard hers is breaking right now. You let her vent.

“I tried so hard to be like Natasha. I stopped being nosey and pushy. For the last however long it has been,” she throws her hands in the air. Now angered by the thought of Natasha and Danny together she continues, “I tried so hard to be someone I’m not and now she is gone. I’m gone. I don’t even know who I am Carm.”

“So why did you stay with her?”

Laura looks up at you with sad eyes, “I didn’t want to abandon her like my Mother did to my Dad. I thought that if I stayed with her, that if I pushed through the hard times it would make me better than my Mother.”

Your heart breaks. You understand exactly how she is feeling.

“…because I see so much of my mum in me that I’m afraid I’ll be like her.”

You lean down and place a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“And in a way I am like her… because I pushed away the only person that understood what I was going through. I pushed away the only person who cared for me. I pushed away you.”

She squeezes your hand. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry I pushed you away.”

You give a reassuring smile, “You know life would be a whole lot easier if you could remain innocent. If your conscience was always clear and didn’t dwell on mistakes.”

You pause briefly allowing yourself to lie down next to the fragile girl. You reach your arm for Laura to cuddle into.

“You tried to push me away but I never left. I was always there for you Cupcake.”

She cuddles into you further and places a gentle kiss on your neck.

“Your beautiful and head strong. If you’re anything like Louis Lane you’re never going to give up but I think you need to let yourself calm down. Danny and her head games are over. It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. Your problems aren’t invalid.”

“Thanks Carm.” She whispers into your ear.

The sad blonde runs her hand under your shirt and rests it on your bare stomach. Despite the snowy weather outside her touch is warm and sends butterflies through your body. Today has been eventful to say the least but cuddling with Laura is the perfect way to end the day.

Without warning her hand moves up further and tucks underneath your sports bra.

Which takes you by surprise, “Oh god.” You let the words quietly escape your mouth as you try to calm down your breathing.

“Sorry…” Laura begins to pull her hand from your stomach.

You grab her hand and caress it with your thumb, “It’s okay.”

 

//

**You 6:55pm: Do you want to come over for dinner? I think Laura needs some cheering up.**

**Bio Major 7:00pm: Perry and I will be there shortly.**

You have decided to let Laura sleep while you start to cook dinner. Having everyone over might be what Laura needs just like the good old times.

“Mm I smell tacos.” Kirsch says as he falls onto the sofa.

“You have such an impeccable sense of smell Beef Cake.” You laugh.

Kirsch turns on the TV starts to watch the show Catfish on MTV.

“So… um… quick question.”

You can easily sense the hesitation in his voice.

“Yes Kirsch.”

“What happened after the party?”

“Laura and I came home and we slept.” You speak bluntly not wanting to relive the attack.

“Come on Carmilla.”

You don’t reply.

“So why the black eye and busted lip? And don’t you dare think I haven’t notice your limp. I may have ADHD and dyslexia but I’m not completely stupid.”

Your jaw clenches at the memory of the attack.

“Fine.” You exhale before turning of the stove, “one of the Zeta’s doesn’t quite get the memo of the whole ‘no’ thing.”

Kirsch turns to you like he has seen a ghost. This is exactly what you were trying to avoid. You don’t need him to worry for you. You don’t need anyone to worry for you. It was just one incident and you are fine now. Laura saved you. It doesn’t matter that she wasn’t there for a while all that matters is that she was there when you needed her.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine Kirsch really.”

“So all you did was sleep, huh?” He says with a devilish smirk.

You roll your eyes.

“Oh shit. You actually slept with her?”

“No it wasn’t like that.” You can’t but smile now.

“She went down on you didn’t she?”

He raises an eyebrow but you shake your head at his suggestive manner.

“We don’t need to talk about this when she is literally in the room adjacent from you.”

Kirsch bounds off the sofa towards you. “Oh my god. She soooooo did.”

He puts a hand up to your forehead to check your temperature. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine Kirsch.” You hit his hand away, “I just… I really like her okay. Like I’ve never felt this way before. It’s confusing and I was weak and all I wanted do to was to be with her. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Oh shit. You’re in love.”

“Okay no one said anything about love.”

“Was she… you know… good?”

Your conversation is interrupted by a knock on the door. You both stare at the door waiting for the other to answer it. Kirsch looks at you and nods towards the door.

“We aren’t talking about this.” You punch his shoulder and go to open the door.

 

Perry pushes past you in a hurry she is quickly followed by a mischievous Lafontaine. Laf’s hair is singed and most of their left eyebrow seems to be missing.

Perry turns to you and huffs, “I’m sorry we are late.”

You raise an eyebrow at the stressed curly haired girl.

“Can someone please explain to Lafontaine why we do not experiment with unstable chemicals in the house?” She throws her hands up in the air. “I just spent the last hour trying to clean a sluggish like substance off of the roof of our dorm room.”

Both you and Kirsch stare at the pair trying to comprehend what Perry had just explained.

“Oh.. no no no.” Perry raises her index finger and shakes it, “That’s not even the best part. When we left it started to grow mushrooms. Mushrooms!” She stumps her foot.

“Woah Ms Frizzle I think the magical school bus is about to depart.” Kirsch laughs.

“Kirsch it is not a laughing matter.” She snaps, “Did no one hear me when I said mushrooms?”

You put your hand up to your mouth trying to hide your smile.

“It’s not funny.” Perry folds her arms.

Laf steps forward, “You are right honey it’s not funny.”

“Actually it’s pretty hilarious.” You say.

Laf laughs, “I know right like it started to grow mush…”

Perry interrupts, “No there are rules…and…and… morals and ethics and you just can’t do things willy nilly. There are science labs for a reason!” She yells.

“Shh Perr Laura is still sleeping.” Kirsch whispers.

Perry calms down almost immediately. You see her eyes turn from rage into worry.

“How is the poor darling?”

You make your way back to the stove top.

“She is doing okay I think she just needs a break so no one bring up anything that has happened in the last two weeks.”

“Simply smiles and happy faces. Gotcha.” Laf says as they make themselves comfortable on the sofa.

“So grab a controller because we are about to kill some bitches.” Kirsch hurdles over the back of the sofa landing next to Laf.

“Language Wilson.” Perry exclaims.

 

**LAURA**

Carmilla’s voice calms you down and her touch makes you feel at home. With your head resting on her chest you listen as she hums an unfamiliar song. Every now and then she quietly let a few lyrics escape her tired mouth.

After a while she grows quiet. You look up to notice that she has fallen asleep with her hand still in your hair and her other holding yours. Her breathing is heavy and slow unlike her rapid breaths when she is awake. You take in every detail of her flawless complexion. The way her black hair is perfectly pulled back off of her face. You take in her thick black eyelashes and how her pale skin looks ghostly against them. You notice the spilt on her bottom lip has started to heal and how her bruised eye is still a little swollen. She looks peaceful when she sleeps; she looks innocent. Like the messed up world she lives in hasn’t corroded her. The rhythm in her breathing settles the angry fire that Danny ignited deep inside you. Maybe for once you can get a good night sleep, maybe for once you can finally dream.

//

You wake up by the sound of chit chat coming from behind the closed door. Though most of the sounds are muffled you can still make out Lafontaine’s boisterous laugh which only makes you even more anxious to go out there. With the way Danny talked to you in front of everyone you don’t really want to show your face in public again.

Your empty stomach grumbles as you reach for a cookie off of the bed side table. Carmilla knows exactly what to do to cheer you up. She really is something special. You sit up and stretch out your arms and back. It has been a while since you have had actual sleep. You have been so stressed out lately that you had forgotten how good it felt to just simply sleep. You let your body wake up for a moment before slow making your way to the hallway.

Clearly, Kirsch and Laf are playing Xbox as you are pretty sure you could hear the screams of the people they are shooting a mile away. You walk to the end of the hallway. Kirsch and Laf are spread out on the sofa. Perry is at the stove mixing something in a pan and Carmilla is cutting up salads. The microwave dings making Carmilla look up.

“Hey there sleepy head.” She says with a smile.

Carmilla’s smile is like seeing the sun after a month of rain or watching the colour of the leaves change throughout the seasons. It’s rare and enchanting. It makes you wonder what you dreamt about before she came along.

Perry turns around excitedly, “Carmilla has made us dinner.”

You smile at Carmilla and raise an eyebrow in an impressed manner.

“Did you also do your cooking dance?” You ask.

“You have a cooking dance?” Laf pauses the game and turns their attention to the now blushing Carmilla.

Kirsch laughs, “Go on bro show them.”

“I do not have a cooking dance.” Carm is clearly trying to be frustrated but that small smirk is giving her away.

“Do you want dinner or not?” Carmilla snaps.

“Oh shit.” Laf says as both Kirsch and they go back to playing Xbox.

“Well behave children.” Carmilla snaps again.

You walk over to Carm and take a seat at the counter.

“Someone has their panties in a twist.”

She leans over the counter so your faces are only inches apart.

“If I remember correctly I’m not wearing any Cupcake.” She speaks in a quiet raspy voice.

She leans back and addresses the group, “Alright dinner is up!”

She continues on like nothing happened yet your still sitting there staring at her ass trying to figure out if she is being serious. Kirsch and Laf race over to the kitchen.

“Your staring again L.” Laf nudges you.

You grab their jacket and pull them in. “I’m trying to figure out if she is wearing underwear.”

Laf looks at Carmilla and then back to you, “You are a sick sick girl Laura Hollis.”

“No but seriously…” You turn your head in question.

Laf shakes their head at you before running up behind Carmilla and grabbing her ass.

Carmilla jumps for surprise. “What the frilly hell?”

Laf smiles before turning back to you. “That’s a no go on the ‘you know’.”

Your mouth drops open in shock, “You are disgusting Carm.” You say with a smile.

“Only for you Creampuff.” She says with a playful smirk.

//

You lean back into the sofa puffing out your stomach to expose your food baby. You close your eyes and exhale giving your stomach a moment to process the 4 tacos you just ate.

Laf reaches over and rubs your stomach. “So what’s their name?”

You look down to your bloated oversized stomach and laugh, “Pablo.”

“I really underestimated you’re eating abilities Kiddo.” Kirsch says surprised.

“Trust me, so did I.” Carmilla doesn’t look up from her plate but you can still see a small smirk on her face.

Your eyes widen in disbelief. Lafontaine’s hand crushes the hard shell taco they were taking a bite of spilling it all over the sofa. Perry chokes on her food and exchanges looks between you and Carmilla.

“You have no chill Carmilla. There was absolutely no chill in that at all.” Laf looks at Carmilla with a ‘what the fuck’ expression.

She slowly looks up from her plate, “What? I had no idea she could down 4 tacos?” She gets up still with everyone’s attention firmly on her, “You have something on your chin Cupcake.” She winks before picking up the empty plate off your lap and walking to the kitchen.

“Alright, Xbox time!” Kirsch shoves the last of his taco in his mouth and reaches for the controller.

“Agreed.” Laf follows him.

A night like tonight is exactly what you needed to destress. No one is drinking, no one is dropping major truth bombs and everyone is having such a fun time. It feels like the old times again before the stresses of school and life started to weigh you down. You need to ground yourself again. There’s only one person who can do that.

“Hey Carm…” You make your way into the kitchen.

“Hey Cupcake…” She mocks your tone of voice.

“Could you please drive me to my Dad’s house tonight please? If not I can totally walk…”

“I can drive you.” She walks past you gently brushing her hand over yours, “Are you okay?” She picks up the dirty chopping board from the counter.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m all gee.” You say as persuasively as you can.

“Because that was totally convincing.” She says with a soft smile, “When would you like to go?”

//

Carmilla’s car pulls into your Dad’s drive way. The curtains of his front window open slightly and the porch light turns on. You roll your eyes at how protective your Dad is.

“You weren’t kidding about that whole over protective thing, huh?”

“He sends me monthly packets of bear spray.”

Carmilla leans forward on to the steering wheel checking out your Dads place.

“I better get going before he comes out with actual bear spray.” You lean across and give Carmilla a gentle kiss on the cheek, “Thanks for tonight it really helped.”

She leans into your kiss, “It’s okay Cupcake.”

You both linger in the moment.

“Hi Laura.” You look over to your Dad who is now standing on his front porch.

You roll your eyes, “Hey Dad.”

“Seeyah Cupcake.”

//

“You look exhausted honey.”

“Gee thanks Dad.” You take a sip of your hot chocolate.

Your Dad looks at you a little shocked by the sarcasm you just dishes out to him.

“Sorry Dad it’s just been a long day.” You dip a cookie into your drink.

He pulls out a chair next to. You look around the dining room. Your Dad hasn’t changed it since your Mum left. All of your Mum’s vases have stayed in the exact same place for years. Everything is the same except for a few old family photos which are now collecting dust in the attic.

“How about you tell me about it?” He gives you a reassuring pat on the back as he stirs his coffee.

You ignore his question. You stare intensely into your hot chocolate letting your mind wonder. Instead of wondering to Danny cheating on you or embarrassing you in front of the shop it wonders Carmilla. You think back to how it felt to be in her arms, how she is always there for you. You think about her lips and how you would call them home if you could.

“Kiddo?” His hand rests on your shoulder stealing you from your thoughts.

You look up at him with a blank stare, “Were you in love with her?”

His face dropped immediately. You can read him like a book. His expression quickly changed to a small smile. You watch him as he relives those old days.

“I still am.”

“What did it feel like?” You kick yourself over how blunt you are being but you can’t help it.

“Why the all the questions sport?” He takes a mouth of his coffee clearly avoiding the question.

“Dad.”

He runs his finger around the rim of the coffee cup.

“Alright,” He puts it down, “love is different for everybody. For your Mum it was completely different but for me, ha, she was the light of my world. It was like I was on a long trip and then all of a sudden I was home. That’s what love is like.” He pauses, “It feels like coming home.”

He puts his arm around you and pulls you into a hug. You know exactly what he is talking about. Danny never felt like home, Silas U doesn’t feel like home not even your Dad feels like home anymore. Its Carmilla, Carmilla feels like home. Her lips, her arms, her bed everything about her feels like home.

You jump up out of his arms, “hey Dad I know I just got here but I really need to do something.”

He sits back with a questioning look.

“It’s something I have been needing to do for a while now but I just didn’t know how until about one minutes ago.”

A smile spreads across his face, “When do I get to meet her?”

You roll your eyes and pick up his car keys off the table.

“Please Dad.”

//

**_KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK_ **

You pound on Carmilla’s door. Your heart is running a million miles an hour and your knees are shaking. You feel like you’re about to throw up but you also feel like you’re about to cry. After all this time, it was Carmilla. After all this fighting, it was Carmilla. After realizing this you can’t imagine a world without her. To be honest she is the person who has been holding you together this whole time. She helped you through assignments, girl trouble and she helped you through you drunken rampage.

You’re about to knock once more but then the door opens and you immediately regret your decisions.


	9. Those three words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew decide to go for a trip but not before Laura admits for feelings towards Carmilla.

 

**CARMILLA**

Your hand reaches out and cracks open the door. You slip your head out to see a nervous Laura pacing back and forth on your patio.

“I need to talk to you and I have needed to talk to you for a while. I just I don’t know. I pushed you away and I have been ignoring my feelings this entire time…”

“Laura stop.” You interrupt her, “You need to leave.”

Sound of smashing glass followed by a yell comes from behind you. The nervous girls face drops. Laura tries to look over your head to see inside.

“Laura leave.” You demand.

She flinches at the sound of urgency in your voice.

“No I need to talk to you.” She repeats herself.

“Not now.” You go to shut the door but she pushes past you.

She stands in the middle of your living room staring down the hall way watching Kirsch’s belongings get thrown into the hall. You stand next to her.

“Carm?”

You hear her but you ignore her.

“Ahh!” Kirsch’s Dad screams as he throws a draw from his cupboard out into the hall.

“Where the fuck is he!?” he yells.

You exhale. Your knees start to feel weak as you hear the anger in his voice. Sweat starts to pool in your palms as you feel the familiar fear from your childhood start to flood your body. You look to Laura who looks back at you with fearful eyes. She doesn’t say a word. You look back to the hall way. The man screams again but with more firmness and anger in his voice than before.

You look around for something to use against him but it’s useless there is nothing.

Kirsch’s Dad steps into the hall way. Laura gasps at the sight of the furious drunk. His hands clench into fist and then release on repeat as if he is trying to swell up more anger. He throws his fist into the wall putting a large hole into the boards.

Your breathing becomes rapid and the familiar fear grows inside you. The fear that was caused by your Mothers drunken rampages. The fear that riddled your body every time she raised her voice, every time she dragged you down the stairs by your hair. You feel the shivers run through your spine and then out your fingertips. You look to Laura but her eyes don’t move off of the man down the hall way. She stands still like a statue built from terror.  She steps slightly backwards trying to distance herself from him.

“Where the fuck is he?!” He yells once more before picking up a bag off the ground and hurling it towards you. “Where’s my son?”

You wrap your arms around Laura acting like a shield. The bag narrowly misses both of you.

You look back to him but he is already staring you down. His eyes feel like pins.

You reach out your hand slowly behind you, “Laura…” You gently push her behind you.

You stand with your feet shoulder width apart. Your knees are bent slightly. You are the wall between him and Laura. You breathe in and tighten your core to strengthen yourself. You can’t let Laura know how fearful you are. You brought her into this now you have to protect her. Despite how shaking your palms are you ball them into fists.

“Don’t make me ask you again.” He threatens.

He makes his way towards you not taking his eyes off yours. With very step he makes your fear multiples. He steps in closing the gap between you. His hand runs up to the back of your neck. Laura reaches out and grabs your hand. He balls your hair up into his fist. You gasp as he pulls your hair up almost making you stand on your tippy toes. He turns your head exposing your neck. Laura’s tightens her grip on your hand.

He leans in and whispers in your ear, “I said don’t make me ask you again.”

You breathe in trying to control your fear.

“He isn’t here.” You say with a strong determine tone.

He pulls back but doesn’t loosen the grip on your hair. He leans his forehead on yours. He turns his head cracking his neck. You can taste the alcohol on his breath.

“You look like a smart girl Carmilla. I’m disappointed.” With every word he spits.

You smirk, “Well don’t feel special. You aren’t the only one.”

“Ha.” He laughs.

His grip on your hair lets go. He looks to you and then to Laura.

“If I found out Kirsch is here. I will come back for you…” He stares at you before looking over your shoulder, “…and your little show pony.”

You move your head to block his eyes from Laura.

“I think it’s time you leave… sir.” You say firmly.

He stares you down before pushing past you. Laura watches as he storms out the front door. You stay staring at the hallway still standing strong.

“Carm?” Her hand lets go of yours and immediately fear riddles your body.

Your knees start too weak and your hands begin to shake again. You ball them in fists trying to control yourself. You close your eyes to steady your emotions. You exhale.

“Carm? Talk to me please.” Her voice is shaky.

Instead of reassuring her everything is going to be okay you ignore her.  You don’t want to lie to her so you decide its best to stay quiet. Anger starts to pool inside you. Why couldn’t she listen to you when you told her to leave?

You storm down the hall into your room. You pick up your duffle bag and you start hurryingly filling it with clothes.

“Carm!” You hear Laura yell as she makes her way down the hall.

With your back turned to her you ignore her. The floor boards creek as she steps into the door way of your room.

“Carmilla!” Her voice is filled with urgency. “Who was that? What are you doing?”

She is scared, she is pressing and she wants answers but you don’t know what to say. You don’t want her to hear the fear in your voice. She should have just left. She should have done what you told her. She should have listened. If she listened you wouldn’t have to explain yourself, you wouldn’t have to confront yourself. Why did she have to be so stubborn?!

“Fuck!” You yell as you slam the duffle bag on to the top of the chest of draws. “I told you to leave. Why couldn’t you just listen to me Laura?!”

“Carm I just wanted you to answer me…” She raises her voice again but this time it is softer than before. She doesn’t speak with urgency anymore. She speaks softer as if she is trying to bring back down your wall.

You can tell she is still scarred and worried but now you are just angry. You brought Laura into this and now you have to deal with this.

“Why are you taking this out on me? What are you hiding that makes you so angry?”

You ignore her. The more she yells the angrier you get.

“Carm where are you going?!”

You turn around in a ball of rage, “I don’t know! I have fucking no one. I don’t have a Mum or a Dad here. I have Kirsch. That’s it. You want a fucking answer! There you have it. I have nowhere to go.” You turn back to your duffle bag. “You should have just left when I told you to.” Your hands lean on the top of your draws.

“I don’t need you! I don’t need anyone!”

You can hear the floor board’s creek as she steps back. A silence falls between you two. She doesn’t speak letting you torment yourself over what you just said.

“Alright,” She says quietly, “Alright.” She struggles to hold back the tears.

You stare down at your duffle bag waiting for the sound of the front door closing behind her. Kirsch’s Dad really shocked you. You haven’t felt that sort of fear since your Mother left.

You run over what Laura said to you. _“Why are you taking this out on me? What are you hiding that makes you so angry?”_ Maybe it is time to start confronting things because you can’t keep taking things out on Laura. You pick up your duffle bag and throw it over your shoulder.

//

The sky is unusually clear tonight. There isn’t a cloud in sight. It’s black like the devils night and the stars are bright. It’s been a while since they have been this bright. As you look up at the stars your eyes begin to water. You know your Dad is up there somewhere. You know he is a star up there and you know they are telling you everything is going to be okay.

You walk over to the platform and sit down on one of the old chairs. You breathe letting yourself sink down into the chair. You rest your head back to take in the night sky. The world below is especially quite tonight and the air is cold just like how it use to be when you and your Dad came up here. For some reason everything about the lookout tonight is different.

“Carm…”  Laura pulls you from your thoughts.

You wipe away your tears and straighten up in the chair before turning to her.

“Hey.” You say quietly. You’re afraid that if you speak too much you won’t be able to hold yourself together.

She is holding a blanket, a packet of cookies and two beers.

“I know you don’t want me here.” She pauses looking at you for approval for her to move closer. “I’ll leave I just brought some things for you.”

Your mouth turns into a small smile. “Thanks Cupcake.”

Laura drapes the blanket over your shoulders.

“How did you know I was up here?”

She smiles at you, “I had a feeling.” She extends a beer out to you.

“Mm.” You take the beer she offers.

She looks out to the town, “I know this is your special place but I just wanted to see if you were okay.”

She puts her hands in the pockets of her jeans and looks out to the town.

“Seeyah Carm.”

She turns and starts walking away. You don’t want her to leave. You have never wanted to share this place with anyone but now you want to share everything with her. You want to share every moment from now on with her. You want to let Laura in and see every crack and flaw of you. You just want someone to understand.

“Please don’t leave.”

Laura stops walking, “Are you sure?” She turns to you.

You look at your beer bottle and run your finger over the rim.

“Please?” You grab the empty chair and pull it in next to you.

A small smile escapes onto her lips as she walks back to you. A silence falls and a tension begins to rise as you both look out to the asleep town. You can’t help but feel for Laura. After everything that has happened and after all those times you told her to leave she still comes back. You reach across her shoulders and wrap the blanket around both of you.

You reach out and hold her hand.

“Carm, what happened tonight?” She asks as she looks at you and runs her thumb across your hand.

You take a deep breath in, “That was Kirsch’s Dad.” Pause. This isn’t really your story to tell but Kirsch trusts Laura and you really can’t get out of this situation.  “He lost his job just before we graduated high school and he became an alcoholic.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, and then he started to beat Kirsch and Wilson’s mother.”

“Why doesn’t he go to the police?”

“Well Kirsch’s mother said that if he goes to the police he loses his father and his mother.”

“Wow.”

“Yep, so that is why Kirsch has been living with me. His Dad has only ever come to my house three times tonight being the fourth.”

You wait for Laura to say something but she doesn’t.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you I just didn’t want you to see it. I didn’t know what he was going to do to me and I would never forgive myself if you got hurt…” You pause, “…especially because of me.”

Laura turns her chair to face you and you do the same.

“Carm, I’m so sorry.” She drops her head into her hands, “I’m sorry I pushed so hard. I had no idea.”

You put a finger under her chin to lift up her head. You lean in and kiss her forehead. You rest with your forehead on hers.

“Carm, I need to tell you something.”

You both don’t move. You both take comfort in each other’s touch.

“I should have told before but I was too busy focusing on what I thought was the right thing to do but now… with everything that happened… between Danny and me and you. I realize there isn’t right and wrong and I am so sorry it took me so long to figure that out. I kept running from you.” She pauses, “but every time I ran I kept falling. I kept falling for you. I think I was falling ever since that first stupid Zeta party.”

Your hand runs up her arm and you rest it on her neck.

“Carm, I only pushed so hard tonight because I like you. I really like you. I love you.”

She pulls away and looks in your eyes. She is searching for some sort of answer.

 “Please say something.” Tears are starting to form in her eyes.

You tuck some stray hair behind her ear.

“I love you to.”

As soon as the words escape your mouth you pull her in. Your lips touch and fireworks go off. Her arms pull you in tighter. You both kiss each other deeply, it’s messy but you don’t care. The kiss is full of want and passion. Your hand runs through her hair pulling her lips into yours. Her tongue runs across yours. Her hands feel like fire on your back as they search your bare back.

She pulls back suddenly, “I love you.”

You pull her into another quick kiss capturing her breath.

You pull back. “I love you.” You say breathless.

You stay standing there only inches apart. Her arms are drape over your shoulders and yours are around her waist. You stay there swaying back and forth in a slow dance.

“I’m home.” She whispers.

A pull in you makes you look up to the sky Laura follows you’re eyes. A shooting star shoots across the sky and then another.

_Dad._

You smile up to the stars.

“So am I.” You say.

Tears begin to fall from your eyes but this time they are full of joy and happiness. That pull in your chest turns into a warmth that fills your whole body. Laura rests her head on your shoulder as you quietly hum. You both stay there soaking up the moment.

“Come home with me?” You talk quietly not want to disturb the silence.

She looks up to you, “Okay.” She whispers.

**LAURA**

You pick up the last bag and put it into Kirsch’s cupboard. Both you and Carmilla have spent the last hour cleaning up Kirsch’s room. It would have been a chore but between Carmilla’s spontaneous kisses and quiet singing the time went quickly.

“I think that’s it Cutie.” Carmilla sighs.

You turn to her and smirk. “I think…” You start to walk slowly towards her, “…it’s time we get you…” You stand only inches away. Close enough that she can feel your presence but you aren’t physically touching her. Your eyes look her up and down as you bite your lip, “…all cleaned up.’

Your finger runs across her bottom lip and falls down chin to her chest. Carmilla takes a sharp breathe in as your fingers start to unbutton her shirt.

“I think” Carm struggles to find words, “I think I would like that very much.”

You lean in closer to her ear. You let your warm breath hit her cold skin before gently kiss her neck. You undo the last button and run your hands up her sides. You can feel goosebumps start to form as your fingertips run up her sides. You lean in close and gently bite down on her bottom lip.

“I’m sorry to interrupt but this is my room.”

You pull back immediately. You can feel your cheeks heat up as they turn red. Carmilla starts to button up her shirt again.

She laughs, “Sorry beef cake. We got a little carried away.” She winks at you.

 _Oh gosh._ You stare down to the ground hoping Kirsch won’t notice your red cheeks.

Carmilla grabs your hand, “Come on cutie.”

//

“So like what are we?” You ask as you sit on her bed.

She raises an eyebrow at you and folds her arms waiting for more of an explanation.

“It’s just like you know…”

“No I don’t know.” She smiles.

She is clearly enjoying this way too much, “I just… are we dating? Or are we just friends or?”

She sits down next to you and stares at you lovingly.

“Would you like to be just friends Laura?” She tucks some hair behind your ear.

“No.” You shake your head, “I mean I want more.”

Her hand runs up and down your thigh. “You want more?” She smirks.

Her lips touch your neck and your whole body goes into over drive. The small tender kiss runs through your body. Her hand grasps the other side of your neck pulling it harder into her lips. She gently nips your skin making a small moan escape your lips.

“Do you want more?” She whispers into your ear.

You turn your head exposing your neck. Carmilla takes it as permission. Her hand runs through your hair gently pulling it. Your head falls back. Carmilla straddles you as she kisses you deeply.

“More?” She asks again before kissing you again.

“Mmm” You moan into her mouth.

You melt into the kiss. Your hands run up her legs she starts a grinding motion. You leave a trail of kisses own her neck. You kiss along her collar bone occasionally biting. Carmilla lets a moan escape her lips. You kiss down to her breast. Carmilla bites her lip. Your tongue runs across her nipple making the flustered girl moan again.

“As much as I want to keep going …” She kisses you again, “It’s just been a big night.”

She looks at you with an apologetic smile.

“You started it.” You laugh. “It’s okay Carm.” You look up and kiss her cheek, “maybe we should talk to Kirsch?”

“In the morning cutie.” She is still straddling you, “I’m exhausted.” She kisses your forehead.

She walks to her cupboard. You stand up and take your jeans off ready for bed. With her back turned to you she slowly takes off her jeans clearly putting on a little show for you. Just like the rest of her body her legs are strong and toned. She slowly sways her hips side to side.

 You pick up a pillow and throw it at her.

“You have a cute butt,” you laugh.

“Hey!” she turns back around. In nothing over than her sports bra and undies she tackles you. With each leg either side of you she raises her eyebrows.

“No don’t you dare.” You say seriously.

“Say my butt isn’t cute.” She puts her hands up as a threat.

You scrunch up nose and poke your tongue out at her.

“Say my butt isn’t cute!” she jokingly raises her voice.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

She laughs, “Fine. I didn’t want to take it to this extent but you have given me no choice Laura Hollis.”

Her runs up your shirt and starts tickling you.

“Carm… no…stop!” You struggle to get words out between your fits of laughter.

A bang comes from the door making Carmilla jump up.

“I don’t know if Carmilla just told a joke or Laura has a laughing fetish but either way could you please keep it down. A bro needs his beauty sleep!”

Carmilla looks back down at you and pecks your lips, “Saved by the Beef Cake cutie.”

“Sorry Kirsch!” You laugh.

Carmilla falls down next to you. She lies on her side and rests her head in her palm. You look up at her. You take in her pale complexion and her deep brown eyes. You stare down at your hands as Carmilla’s index finger draws circles on your palm. She begins to hum that unfamiliar song again.

“Hey Carm.”

She doesn’t reply.

“What song is that?”

She looks down at you and smiles.

“Why do you always sing it?”

She tucks your hair behind your ear, “After the Storm by Mumford and Sons. My Dad use to sing it to me whenever I was upset.”

You can hear the sadness and longing in Carmilla’s voice.

“It’s a song about hope. That better times will come.”

“Oh.” You don’t know what to say. You can practically see Carm’s heart breaking in front of you.

“It’s okay Cupcake,” she kisses your forehead, “no need to be sorry.”

You kiss Carmilla’s cheek, “Night Carm.”

“Goodnight.”

 

**LAURA**

You stumble out of Carmilla’s door way. Your vision is still blurry and you honestly have no idea where you are going. All you do know is that you’re still half asleep and you really have to pee.

“Morning…Frosh?” Laf stares at you from the lounge room end of the hall way.

“Pee now, talk later!” You cross your legs trying to control your bladder.

//

The cold water hits your face instantly waking you up. You look into the bathroom mirror trying to focus your tired eyes. A smile spreads across your face as you remember last night. You think back to Carm’s warm strong arms and the way they made you feel protected. Maybe everything will turn out okay after all.

You walk out into the living room to be met with Lafontaine and Kirsch playing Xbox on the sofa and Perry cooking breakfast in the kitchen.

“Morning guys.” You reach your arm to stretch.

“See I told you she stayed the night.” Kirsch says without moving his concentration from the TV.

Lafontaine laughed.

“Good morning Laura.” Perry greets you with her usual loving smile. “Breakfast will be ready shortly, can you please wake Carmilla?”

You run a hand through your hair before putting it into a messy bun.

“Actually I think we should let her sleep.” You take a seat at the counter, “She’s exhausted from last night.”

“We don’t need to know details Laura.” Laf throws their hands up in defeat, “and now I’m dead. Great.” They throw the controller onto the coffee table.

“That’s my sister you’re talking about Hollis.” Kirsch turns around and points at you before smiling.

“No you guys. She just had a rough night.”

“Oh the poor honey.” Perry puts her hands on her hips, “Well you can help me then.” She throws you a tea towel.

**CARMILLA**

Last night is the first time you have had a good night sleep. You didn’t wake up once and you didn’t have a nightmare. Laura is you’re safe haven.

“Get out of it!” You hear Laf yell from the kitchen.

They are going to give you so much crap about Laura staying the night. You take a breath in preparing yourself for the witty jokes and puns.

“Morning Lackwits.” You say with a sleepy smile.

“How nice of you to join us Carmilla.” Lafontaine mocks.

Kirsch nudges them and gives them a nod of approval.

“I heard you were too exhausted to join us for breakfast.” Kirsch laughs.

“Dude! Good one!” Laf high fives Kirsch.

“Kirsch. Laf. Be nice.” Perry gives them a stern look.

“Morning!” Laura bounds towards with her usual bright smile. She kisses your cheek. At first you’re taken back by the display of perfection but then your body relaxes. It’s Laura you are going to have to get use to this.

“So why the gathering?” You ask still blushing from the kiss.

“Well none of us have classes tomorrow so Perr and I were thinking we should all go to the lake and camp out for the night?”

“Yeah bro!” Kirsch stands up, “I’ll pack the truck.” He races to his room.

//

You stand in the middle of you room picking at your nails as you stare at the box of your fathers things on your bed. The box seems to getting bigger and bigger longer you stare at it. You keep an ear out from the rumble of the shower running. As soon as it stops you have approximately 2 minutes to hide the box from Laura again.

You start to pace back and forth not taking your eyes of off the box. If you confronted Laura about how you felt about her you can definitely confront this. Ever since your Dad passed you have been pushing things to the side. You’ve been pushing your emotions and feelings to the side. They just kept on piling up and up until Friday night when everything just came crashing down and you let Laura in. You let Laura see your soft side; she saw what hurts you and what scares you. Now this box is the last thing you have to open; it’s the last thing you have to confront. It’s going to be the hardest thing you’ll have to confront.

You hear the shower turn off but you ignore it. You have to do this now otherwise you will never do it. If you don’t do this now the box will stay hidden away under your bed collecting dust. Plus, Laura will be here to give you the strength you need.

The door of your bedroom opens, “Sorry I took so long I…”

Laura looks up at you but you don’t take your eyes off of the box.

“Carm…” She walks up to you trying to figure what is wrong. She puts her hand on your arm. “Are you okay?”

Your eyes are fixated on the box.

“That’s all I have. That’s literally everything I have of him.”

Her eyes follow yours, “Oh Carm.” She says with a sorry tone, “What’s in it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you going to open it?”

Kirsch eagerly walks into the room with his arms full of bags for the trip.

“Are you bros coming?”

Laura snaps her head to Kirsch, “Give us a second.”

“No… It’s okay.” You turn your head to them both.

“You sure?” Laura asks as she reaches out and holds your hand.

You kiss the back of her hand, “It’ll be there when we get back.” You smile.

“Alright Lady Bros. One last stop for beer and then it’s too the lake Mother Truckers!”

Laura stands at the doorway waiting for you to join her.

“I love you.”

“I love you too Cupcake.” You smile.


	10. Be Good for me Carmilla

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura has once again gotten herself in a mess. Lafontaine and Betty offer their advice. NBA play offs begin and Ell makes a surprise appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry it has been so long since I updated. I started a new job which has kept me busy. There will be another update next week I promise!  
> Also my computer broke so this chapter was done on my phone. I tried my best with layout and editing I hope it turns out okay.

**CARMILLA**

You bend over with your hands on your knees trying to catch your breath. You have no more trainings due to the basketball season being over. The next season starts back up in a couple of months so you need to keep your fitness up. Lately you have been doing laps of the football field and occasionally going back to the stadium to shoot hoops.

You and Laura have been going really well most nights she stays at your apartment plus Kirsch could really do with the extra tutoring. Since Laura has been over both Laf and Perry have made themselves comfortable on your sofa. It’s not that you don’t like them it’s just you need your space but since they make Laura happy so you put up with it. Just sometimes it would be nice to home to an empty house or just Kirsch on the sofa.

You look down to your watch, **7:30pm.** Laura should be home now. She had a meeting with one of her professors. You raise your hands in the air extending out your torso. You inhale and exhale deeply trying to catch your breath. You exhale once more before running over to your gym bag.

//

You drop your gym bag on the sofa as you go to the fridge and grab out a bottle of water. The house is quiet which means Kirsch isn’t home and neither is Laura. If they were home there would definitely be a lot of noise. They are always trying out something new last time they made a robot suit out of old cardboard boxes and filled the bath tub full of green jelly. You take the bottle of water and head for the shower.

“Carm I’m home!” You hear Laura yell.

You crack open the bathroom door, “in the shower. I will be two minutes.”

Laura pops her head into the bathroom, “I have company so make sure you put pants on please.”

The bathroom door closes. Company? It better not be a professor. It is definitely not Perry or Laf and it can’t be Kirsch. Oh great. You really hope it isn’t another student she is tutoring. You’ve had enough of people welcoming themselves into your house.

After your shower you put on old basketball pants and a shirt. You can hear Laura talking to someone in the kitchen but you can’t make out what they are saying. You flip your hair over and quickly towel dry it before walking out to meet Laura and her friend.

Walking out your door you are met with a smiley Laura and a mid-40’s man with gray and black hair in long dress pants and a white formal shirt. His long shelves are buttoned at his wrists and his shirt is tucked into his pants. Everything about him is neat and tidy. His hair is perfectly combed to the side not a hair out of place. His white shirt has no strains or crinkles even his pants are perfectly ironed. Attached to his belt is a gun holster and a police badge.

_A cop?_ You thought to yourself. _Great this will be interesting._

You turn head and look towards his gun waiting for Laura to explain herself.

“Carm this is my Dad.” She gestures towards the tall man next to her with a big smile on her face.

Your eyes widen at the sudden realization. “Hey…sir…” You reach out and shake his hand. If only he knew about the stash of illegal drugs under Kirsch’s bed.

“Call me Daniel there is no need for formalities.” He smiles.

A small awkward silence falls between everyone.

“Finally I get to meet the famous Carmilla Karnstein.”

“Famous?” You look towards Laura. Her cheeks go bright red.

“Laura hasn’t stopped talking about you for weeks.”

“I hope only good things, right Laura?” You haven’t taken your eyes off of the blushing girl.

Daniel is about to speak when Laura interrupts. “There are only good things to say hey Dad? Anyways where’s Kirsch?”

“I’m not sure Cupcake.” _Oops that pet name slipped out._ “He is probably out with the ginger twins.”

“Okay good cause…” Laura walks over to the sofa and gestures for you to sit down, “…we need to talk.”

Daniel brings a bar stool from the kitchen counter and sits on it facing the sofa.

You cautiously walk over to the sofa. You have no idea what is going on. Laura looks really worried and her Dad’s playful mood has changed to a more serious tone.

“Is this an intervention?” You say with raised eyebrows.

“I’m just worried about you.” Laura puts her hand on your knee.

“Oh my god this is an intervention. No offence Mr. Hollis but I just met you and I don’t…”

“Calm down Carmilla this isn’t an invention.” He rolls his eyes and laughs.

Laura fixes herself so she is now facing you with her hand still on your leg. You share looks between both Laura and Daniel.

“Okay?”

“It’s about the other night Carm…with Kirsch’s Dad.”

_Oh great._ This isn’t really your story to tell. Kirsch would kill you if he found out you told Laura about his Dad. Kirsch is the only person who has stayed with you over the years even your own mother left you.

“I deal with domestic violence down at the station.” He pauses waiting for a response from you. “I know this is a hard thing for you to talk about especially since Kirsch is essentially your brother but you need to understand that I can stop all this for once and for all.”

“Dad wants to help Carm.”

You run a hand through your damp hair, “I don’t know. It’s not really my place to tell.”

“Kirsch’s Dad is known to us at the station but we have never been able to get any witnesses this could be our only chance to stop this.”

“Please Carm.”

Why is Laura pushing this so hard? She knows how this could affect you and Kirsch.

“All due respect sir…”

Laura tightens her grip on your knee, “I have already him everything I know.”

_What?_! She must be joking. She promised not to tell anyone. If this gets out Kirsch won’t hear the end of it and he hates sympathetic attention. The University will force him into therapy and will always be on his back.

“Laura.” You stare at her.

“Well I couldn’t sit back and watch all this happen.”

“Carmilla how about you tell me what has been happening.” Daniel sits forward.

Under his stares you begin to feel your wall build up again. He doesn’t mean to but he is intimidating you. You can’t believe Laura went behind Kirsch’s back to the cops about this and now expects you to do the same.

“No.” You say bluntly.

“But Carm.”

“But what Laura? You promised not to tell.”

“You’re better than this.”

BAM. Your wall is up and it is now reinforced.

“I’m better than this? Why are you pushing so hard?!” You stand up out of rage.

Laura copies your movement.

“Laura Carmilla isn’t ready to talk right now. How about we all calm down and maybe we could do this later.”

“Yeah maybe.” You sternly say.

Laura huffs at you before turning to her Dad.

“Okay fine.”

“Good. Come on kiddo let’s get you back to your dorm.”

Laura’s face drops.

“I’m sorry but I’m not going to talk about it.” You reach out and hold Laura’s hand. You look to her Dad, “nice meeting you Sir.” You take your hand from Laura’s and shake Daniel’s hand.

“You to Carmilla.”

You look out your window as you watch them drive out of your drive way. What was Laura thinking bringing cops into this? There’s reasons why Kirsch hasn’t gone to them. He will lose his family if his Dad gets arrested. His Mum will never talk to him again, he will lose both parents. Laura was pushing you too much tonight. Even if going to the cops is the right thing to do it’s not what Kirsch wants she needs to understand that. You aren’t here to do the right thing, you aren’t here to be the hero you are here to be Kirsch’s friend. He is your only family now you can’t lose him to.

“Fuck Laura.” You collapse onto the sofa.

Your phone goes off on the coffee table in front of you.

**Cupcake 7:56pm: “Night Carm.”**

**You 7:57pm: “Night Creampuff.”**

**LAURA**

Betty files her nails as you pace back and forth picking at your fingers. You are furious at the way Carmilla acted towards you. Your Dad has only just left. He just had to do a safety check on your dorm room before he could let himself leave.

“And then she went on as if it was my fault and in front of my Dad!” You throw your hands in the air but Betty doesn’t react. “Why can’t she just go along with it and help?”  You run your hands through your hair and scrunch it up into your fists out of frustration.

Betty looks up at you and rolls her eyes, “Laura are you her Girlfriend or her Mum?”

You are so angry you only hear what you want to hear. Carmilla acted like a total idiot in front of your Dad. He went out of his way to try and help.

“Yeah so maybe it was wrong of me to tell my Dad but I was just trying to help.”

“Stop all of this…” Betty gestures to all of you, “…before you hurt yourself. Have a shower, go to bed and sleep.”

Your stomach cramps up and makes a sound that resembles a dying whale. The sound gets Betty’s attention.

You shrug your shoulders, “I’m hungry.”

Betty gets up, “want to get some Chinese food?”

 

**CARMILLA**

 

“Catch!”

Kirsch throws you a beer from the kitchen. You dive onto the sofa catching the can mid-air.

“Kirsch you are so lucky I caught that otherwise you would have to sell that stash under your bed to afford a new TV.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.”

You raise an eyebrow at the clearly lying jock.

“I came here to have a good time Carmilla but I am feeling really attacked right now.”

You roll your eyes, “Just drink.”

In class this morning you couldn’t keep your mind off what happened last night with Laura and her Dad. Maybe telling the cops about Kirsch and his dad is a good idea. His Dad would be arrested and Kirsch will finally be free from the abuse. If you do that Kirsch will never forgive you. You know his mother threatened to leave if his Dad gets arrested and there is no doubt that she will follow through on with it. Laura isn’t going to give up. She’s a reporter it’s what she is meant to do.

“You’re over thinking. What are you thinking about?” Kirsch doesn’t take his eyes off of the TV.

“Just watch the game Beef Cake.”

“Are you going to tell me about it?” He takes a mouthful of beer.

“Nope.’

“So you are over thinking you just don’t want to tell me about it.” He looks at you.

_Gosh he is worse than Laura._

You take a mouthful of beer before placing it on the coffee table. You remove your feet from the table and tuck them under you. You sit up before thinking over what you’re about to say. You can’t tell him that Laura knows but you have to ask him about telling the cops. His answer is going to be a firm no you know that but you also know what the right thing would be to do.

“Alright look, your Dad came by the other night.”

Kirsch clenches his jaw at the mention of his father.

“Are you going to go to the cops?”

He rolls his eyes and puts his beer down, “you know I can’t do that.”

“I know you don’t want to lose your Mum trust me I know that. It’s just he can’t keep treating you like this bro.”

“It’s a no. I trust that you won’t go to them either.” He stands up and walks to the kitchen.

He trusts you. Now you definitely can’t go to the cops or Laura’s Dad. This is going to be difficult.

Kirsch changes the subject. “Where’s the sexy reporter lady that has been attached to your hip all week?”

“We sort of had a fight last night.”

He hands you a second beer, “Damn, well are you guys like a ‘thing’ now or?”

You drink the last bit of your first beer before cracking open the other.

“I don’t know.” You take a mouthful, “I guess so. She keeps forcing me to do stuff I don’t want to like always socializing and doing the right thing. Since when have I ever been one to socialize? I train, drink, eat and sleep.”

“Mmm.” Kirsch keeps his eyes on the TV.

“She is always up my ass about doing things.”

“Well you are sort of in a relationship.”

“I know Kirsch and I love Laura I do but she is trying to change me.”

“I feel you bro. You should talk to her about it.” He takes a moment to reevaluate what he just said, “wait, this is Laura we are talking about isn’t it? Yeah well she won’t listen.”

“Mm, thanks for your help Jock Strap.”

 

**LAURA**

This is the first time you and Carmilla have gone a day without talking. There is a weird tension between you two. Yesterday she came into the shop to order a coffee and left straight almost straight away. Even when you guys text each other it’s different. You can’t exactly explain what it feels like. You miss her but you are getting sick of this sad broody Carmilla.

You lay in bed looking up at the ceiling. You got so use to sleeping cuddled up to Carmilla that it feels weird sleeping in your own bed by yourself. Even if she is all depressing and broody you still love her.

“This whole room smells like old Chinese food, are you okay?” Lafontaine asks as they open the doors to the balcony, “You girl need some fresh air.”

“Did I mess up?” You don’t take your eyes off of the roof.

“Laura…” Laf sounds sympathetic.

“I did mess up.” You’re a mix of frustration and sadness. You hate being wrong and you especially hate admitting it.

“According to my calculations and observations Carmilla isn’t exactly one to talk about things especially things that involve Kirsch or anyone she cares about.”

You sit up in a huff, “Yeah but it’s the right thing to do.”

“Laura you can’t just expect her to change.”

“You would go to the police.”

Lafontaine makes sits down next to you, “Yeah but why would Carmilla trust them? When her Dad disappeared the Police just swept it under the rug. Before your Dad came along the Police office really couldn’t care less. Plus, everyone who she has ever trusted has gone behind her back and now that includes you. You told your Dad and now you have told Perry and me.”

You slam your head into your heads, “Damn it Laura.” You fall back on to your back, “I fucked up.”

“Yeah big time.” 

“What do I do?”

Lafontaine is about to speak when they are interrupted by a knock on the door. You share a confused look before Laf opens up the door. Carmilla stands there with a bunch of flowers in one hand and the other in her pocket. She smiles at Laf before looking past them to lock eyes with you.

“Well I’m just going to go. Bye L.” They pick up their coat from the kitchen bench and walks past Carmilla out the door.

You stay sitting on your bed not knowing what to do. She looks beautiful. She is wearing her usual black leather pants with a black vest and a black shirt underneath. Her hair is out in perfect curls that fall onto her shoulders.

“Hey Cupcake.” She smiles a small apologetic smile.

You smile back, “Hey.”

She steps into your dorm closing the door behind her.

“I got you some flowers…”

Despite the fact that you just spent the last day bitching about Carmilla to Lafontaine you are relieved at the sight of your beautiful girlfriend. There is something about her that settles your jumpiness. Carmilla holds out a bright bunch of pink, yellow and white flowers.

You take the flowers from her hand and put them up to your nose.

“Thanks Carm.” You sit back down on your bed moving your pillow so the girl can sit next to you.

“I’m sorry about the way I acted in front of your Father I was wondering if I could make it up to you.” She smiles as she sits down next to you.

You want to talk about it but she truly does look sorry and with that smile she can get away with anything.

“You know I am weak for your smile.” You nudge her shoulder, “seriously, you can get away with anything.” You laugh.

“Laura, I’m serious.” Her face drops.

It’s been a while since you’ve heard your name slip of her tongue. She clearly is sympathetic about it. You lean in and place a gentle kiss on her cheek.

“In all seriousness it is okay. I did push it on you. I’m sorry.”

She looks up at you with a small smile on her lips. You watch her smile slowly turn into a cheeky grin as she notices you staring. She bites down on her bottom lip. Her hand cups the back of your neck pulls you into a kiss; you let a small moan escape making Carmilla break the kiss with a smile.

“Anyways Cupcake, I also came by to invite you to my place tonight. Toronto Raptors are playing Miami Heat at 7 and its Kirsch’s turn to shout us pizza.”

“Sounds perfect.” You lean in for another kiss.

Carmilla pulls out her phone to check the time, “Well I have to run but ill text you after class. See you tonight Creampuff.”

 

**CARMILLA**

 

“So let me get this right. You ordered 5 pizzas and 3 garlic breads for only 3 people?” You stare at Kirsch with your arms folder as you lean in the doorway leading to his room.

He has his head in his cupboard looking for something, “That is correct.”

He throws items from his closet up over his head making them scatter across his floor. He stands up and puts a Raptors cap on his head.

“Found it!”

You push yourself off of the doorway, “Why so many pizzas is it bulking season?”

“3 Pizzas and 2 garlic breads for me and then you and Laura can share the rest.”

You scuff, “Can you handle that bro?”

“Please you underestimate me.” He says as he starts throwing his things back into the cupboard.

Your about to snap back a witty comment when there is a knock at the door. You bring your phone up and check the time.

“Laura’s early.” You roll your eyes, “no surprise there.”

You walk to the front door and open it up.

“Hey Cup…” You stare confusingly at the ginger twins, “you aren’t Laura?”

“Hi Carmilla.” Perry says as enthusiastically as always. She pushes past you into the living room with Laf following.

Leaving the door open you turn around still confused, “I don’t mean to be rude but what the frilly hell are you doing here?”

You look the pair up and down. Both of them are fully dressed in Raptors gear. Lafontaine has the same cap as Kirsch on but backwards matched with a black and grey Raptors scarf hanging around their neck. Perry has a Raptors beanie on and a flag in one hand. If you knew any better you would guess that they are here to watch the game.

“I have beer where would you like it?” Laf raises a six pack in the air.

You nod to the fridge, “did Kirsch invite you?”

“No I did.” Laura bounds through the door and kisses your cheek, “I thought it would be cool to have a group hang again.”

Of course Laura invited them and of course she did it without asking you first. It’s not that she needs your permission it’s just it is your house after all and you really wanted tonight to just be you, Kirsch and her. The last day and a half has been spent in a mental battle between going to the police and keeping Kirsch happy. Your exhausted and the last thing you need is a social gathering in your living room. You really just wanted a casual night at home with your brother and your girlfriend.

“Right.”

Perry takes note of your hostility, “would you like us to go..?”

Laura looks at you and sees you’re a little frustrated. Her body language deflates a little.

You will really do anything to make Laura happy, “No stay, luckily Kirsch ordered enough pizza for us all.”

“Speaking of him. Where is that dweeb?” Laf asks from the kitchen.

“In his man cave. He has pants on its safe.”

 

//

“Cheerleaders are on!” You yell from the sofa.

“Coming!” Both Kirsch and Lafontaine yell back.

Laura is cuddled up next to you on the sofa with a pizza. Perry has dragged your mattress in front of the sofa for a spot for her and Laf to lie. Kirsch has reclined the lazy boy and pushed the coffee table next to him for a place to put his pizzas.

You hear the thudding of the pair running down the hallway. Kirsch practically jumps into his chair while Laf more graciously lies next to Perry.

Laura leans forward, “Hey Perr can you pass me the garlic bread please.”

Qithout taking your eyes off the screen both you and Kirsch hush Laura simultaneously, “Shh!”

“I don’t get it.” She pauses and waits for a reply but you are too focused on the dancing girls to care.

“The game isn’t on yet why do I need to be quiet?” Laura asks as she reaches for the bread from Perry.

“Can someone please explain it to Laura.” Kirsch snaps.

Laura is taken back by Kirsch’s outburst.

“I volunteer as tribute.” Laf turns around to Laura, “The pre-game and half time entertainment is the funniest part of the game. Why? Good question Laura. Well, firstly you get all sorts of pre-game entertainment which gets the crowd pumped and then you get the half time shoot out which is always funny to watch. Secondly, there is literally hot girls dancing in miniskirts what more could you ask for?

 Perry sits forward and squints her eyes looking intensely at the Tv.

“Is that…” Perry leans closer, “…is that Ell?”

_Dammit._

You ignore Perry hoping Laura didn’t hear the gingers accusation but you can feel Laura’s eyes burning into the side of your head.

 “What?!” Laura sits up quickly and studies the Raptor cheerleaders closely.

“Um Kirsch do you want to take this one?”

“Nope bro all you.” He laughs.

“Carm do you want to explain why we are watching your ex, Ell, dance around in undies and a miniskirt?”

“Umm…” You have no idea how to make this sound good, “Well yes that is Ell.”

“Seriously?!” Laura throws her hands in disbelief before crossing them in front of her. She falls back into the sofa and scrunches up her face making you do a double take.

“Wait, is Laura Hollis jealous?” You joke.

“No.” her voice is muffled throw her lips. “Maybe.”

“Oh sweetie.” Perry rolls her eyes.

“Well I just found out Carm’s ex is a super successful cheerleader with a great ass and as her girlfriend I have a right to be jealous.”

Kirsch adjusts himself in his seat, “Look Laura.” He sits up, “yes Carm’s ex just happens to be a really hot sexy cheerleader earning thousands dancing for a team she probably doesn’t even follow. Yes, Carmilla did have that girl with the great ass in and around her pants.”

“Not helping Kirsch.” You say in a threatening tone.

“Carmilla is my lady bro but she is also a lady killer. Fortunately, you have tamed this once wild beast so you do not need to worry about anything. Now can we get back to the sexy lady dancers please?”

“Said like a true gentle man.” Lafontaine laughs.

Laura scrunches up her face again before cuddling back into your side, “fine.”

Even though you didn’t plan for the ginger twins to come over, the night so far has been fun. However, Laura did once again invite them over without seeing if it was okay first. You wanted to make up for the way you acted the other night but you guess it will just have to wait.

 

//

The half time buzzer blows and Kirsch is the first one to jump up out of his chair.

“I shot gun the toilet first!” He yells as he runs down the hall.

Perry untangles herself from the blanket, “I’ll get the refills.”

Lafontaine stands up, “I got snacks!”

This leaves you and Laura on the sofa with a half-eaten pizza on your lap. For the last quarter Laura kept on looking up at you as if she wanted to say something but was too afraid to.

She whispers, “So…” She looks down to her fingers.

“Yes Cupcake.” You run your index finger across her hand before intertwining your fingers.

“When are you going to talk to my Dad about Kirsch?”

Immediately you become angered. She needs to drops this you aren’t going to talk about it. You pull your hand from hers your wall immediately going up.

“Seriously?” You ask bluntly.

“Yes of course I’m serious.”

You fix your posture making Laura sit up, “Carm you have to tell someone it’s the right thing to do.”

By now your whispers have become louder and the couple in the kitchen can now hear.

“No Laura. Stop pushing it.” You say firmly.

Laura stands up, “I wouldn’t have to push if you would just do the right thing.”

You stand up with your hands clenched in fists by your side, “The right thing? That’s a big call coming from you.” You yell this time unable to control your emotions. “Why are you pushing me so hard?!”

“It’s not my fault you’re afraid of confrontation Carmilla. Why can’t you just try to do the right thing for once?” Laura yells back.

A fire fills your body.

“I’m not afraid of confrontation. Being your picture of ‘good’ isn’t who I am. From day 1 you have been trying to change me. Be good for me Carmilla, change for me Carmilla and now that I’m standing up for myself I am the bad guy? Why can’t you just admit you were wrong about me? You don’t always have to be right you know.”

“If you aren’t afraid of confrontation then why won’t you go to the police, why won’t you face your mother and why is that stupid box still under your bed?!” Laura throws her hands up in the air out of frustration.

Your whole body clenches at the reminder of your Dad’s belongings under your bed. You look to the kitchen to see both Laf and Perry staring at you and Laura. You look back to the angry blonde in front of you. You want to yell at Laura and make her understand your side but you know it won’t work all she sees is black and white, wrong and right. With Laura there is only two sides, there has always only ever been two sides.

“Get out.” You look down at your clenched fists.

Your body is full of an angry fire. You open and close your fists in attempts to let out your anger.

“What?” Laura’s tone drops. She realizes what she has said and by the look in her eyes she regrets it.

“Fine. I will leave.” You turn on your heels and grab your coat before slamming the front door behind you.


	11. Letting Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Laura by her side Carmilla finally faces the demons of her past.

 

**LAURA**

“I swear if you check your phone one more time L.” Laf yells from the kitchen.

You look at your screen and sigh. It has been three days and you still haven’t heard anything from Carmilla.

“Order up!” Perry places a grilled cheese sandwich on the counter, “table 3 thanks Laura.”

You put your phone under the counter before grabbing the sandwich and taking it to the table. Carmilla hasn’t made contact with anyone in the last three days. Kirsch doesn’t even know where she is. Every night you go to her lookout to see if she is up there but she never is. You know you definitely went too far by bringing up her Dad. You honestly didn’t mean to it just slipped out. You make your way back to the register.

“Sweetie stop looking so gloomy.” Perry puts her hand on your shoulder, “she will turn up. She has probably just gone…on a… um adventure. Yeah! An adventure.”

“Perr is Carmilla really the adventurous type?” Laf walks out from the kitchen.

“Lafontaine. We need positivity right now not truth bombs.”

“Okay sorry, I understand your star crossed with lover leather pants L but seriously she will come back just give her space and stop pushing. That’s why you’re in this mess in the first place isn’t it? You pushed too hard.”

They wrap their arms around you and pull you into a tight hug.

“We love you Laura. Everything will be okay.”

You pull them in tighter. These last three days have been driving you crazy. You need to pull yourself together. Laf is right Carmilla needs her space and she will come back when she is ready.

Laf pulls away.

“You are right. I just need to keep myself busy.”

Perry puts her arm around Laf’s shoudlers, “Well luckily there are tables to wipe and dirty dishes to clean.”

//

Today seems to be dragging on forever. The customers seem to be in a bad mood today this only brings you back down. Last night you finished marking Kirsch’s rough draft for his Physical Education class which you are going to drop off later tonight. You are secretly hoping Carm will be there. Even if she doesn’t want to talk you want to make sure she is safe.

Betty bounces through the door, “I am here to pick up the pining Laura Hollis.”

You shoot a look to Betty, “I am not pinn…”

“Oh please L you’re the piniest pine who ever pined.” Lafontaine walks out from the kitchen carrying a box of books labeled _‘to be repaired.’_ “Perr and I will lock up.”

 “Lafontaine called me because apparently someone has been all gloom and doom all day and scaring the customers away.”

You look to Laf and raise your eyebrow, “have not!”

“Have so!” They put the box on the counter and lean on it. “Go home, have a shower and get rid of that post break up stank.” They smile. “Seriously L, look after yourself.”

“You know I can literally walk to my dorm from here I didn’t need someone to walk me home.” You frown and cross your arms in a huff.

Betty rolls her eyes and grabs your hand pulling you towards the door, “Come on grumpy.”

//

After you left work with Betty she took you back to the dorm to get dressed and then out to the mall. Apparently Betty thinks retail therapy is the only way to get over a break up. Not that you and Carmilla have broken up you guys are just taking a break, maybe, you hope.

You are still checking your phone every ten seconds for a text from Carm but your notifications page is still empty. Betty has threatened several times to take your phone off you.

The shopaholic has brought three new shirts and a pair of pants already. You really don’t know how she affords all these new clothes considering she is a student with only a weekend job. Shopping with Betty consists of fast pace walking and spying on ‘hot’ boys.  

Kirsch’s football training finishes in an hour so you are just following around Betty until then.

Betty coughs getting your attention. She pulls a shirt up to her chest.

“So how does it look?” she laughs and does a spin.

“Yellow is so your colour. Great let’s go!” You fold your arms.

Betty rolls her eyes, “stop being grumpy.”

She puts the shirt back on the clothes rack. 

“Im hungry. Let’s eat.”

//

The last thing you wanted to do was to be in a mall full of people. Luckily you convinced Betty to leave a little earlier then first planned. She drops you off just down the road from Carmilla and Kirsch’s place. You wanted to walk the street to their place to get some fresh air but mainly to prepare yourself just in case Carmilla is there.

You are four houses away from the house when you here screeching of tires coming from behind you. You run around and see an old Ute coming sideways around the corner. They speed up past you tires still screeching suddenly they come to a stop outside of Carm’s house. You stop and watch as the door swings open and the same angry man from the other night emerges from out of the Ute. He slams the door behind him and yells out something but you are too far away to here. He jumps up the stairs and onto the porch. Slamming his first on the door he continues yelling. You slowly walk forward trying to make out what he is saying. He rattles the door handle but the door doesn’t open. Kirsch’s Dad steps back and then throws himself into the door trying to open it.

As you walk closer you can hear him yelling Kirsch’s name. The door opens and you can see Kirsch step out on to the porch. He looks terrified. You are just close enough to notice Kirsch’s shaky hands. His Dad shoves him as he yells threats at Kirsch. You stand behind a tree a house away from dispute. The yelling intensifies and smashing comes from inside the house. You hear Kirsch yells interrupted by a bang. Before you could think about what you are doing your little legs are running up the porch and into the middle of the fight.

 

**CARMILLA**

 

You lay there with a half-eaten packet of chips on your chest and an Xbox controller in your hands. You haven’t left Will’s couch for the past three days. You even skipped out on classes. Normally this wouldn’t be a big deal but it means you haven’t seen Laura or Kirsch in three days. You have been ignoring everyone’s calls. Kirsch has only called a couple of times because he knows you need your space. Laf and Perry text you everyday telling you how Laura is doing and Laura has been calling you at least ten times every day.

The worst part about the fight is that everything she said was true. The only reason you left was because you couldn’t face what she was saying. This is ironic considering she was saying you’re afraid of confrontation. You just wish she would stop trying to change you.

While Kirsch was at his classes you went back to the house and picked up the box from under your bed. You still haven’t opened it but you know you have to sooner or later. It is just sitting there collecting dust. As much as it hurts to say Laura is right you need to open it. You need to relive those memories to get past what happened. She helped you realize that it wasn’t your fault your Dad left. If she can do that she can help you open up that box. She is strong like that. Where you are weak she is strong. She pissed you off but you miss her. God you miss her. You miss the smell of her damp hair fresh out of the shower. You miss her little hand twitches as she types her assignments. You miss every little thing about her.

You pause the game to get up and get a drink from the kitchen. You can hear your phone ringing from the lounge room but you ignore it. It stops ringing. You open up the fridge and your phone starts ringing again. You grab the jug of water and an empty glass and start to pour yourself a drink. From the kitchen you can see your phone vibrate on the coffee table. You take a sip of your water as you watch Laura’s photo flash up on your phone. The phone stops ringing before quickly starting to vibrate again. Her photo flashes up once more.

“Ugh fine…” You rush over to the table and answer your phone.

 

“What?” You ask.

Laura doesn’t speak but you can hear yelling in the back ground and the sound of things being smashed.

“Carm I don’t know what to do.” Laura speaks quickly.

You can hear her voice shake, “they just keep yelling.”

You can barely hear her over the yelling. The sound of urgency in her voice makes your heart beat a little fast

“Who?!”

“Kirsch and his Dad. I’m at your place I came by to drop off a paper and now I am stuck in the middle of them.”

_Oh shit._

“Laura listen to me you need to get out of there now.”

“No I can stop them.”

_Why is she so stubborn?! Ugh._

“This isn’t a time to be stubborn Laura.”

Laura doesn’t reply but you can still hear Kirsch and his Dad yelling in the background.

“Laura?”

Still no reply. With the phone still held against your ear you race over to the kitchen and pick up Will’s car keys.

You yell into the phone once more, “Laura?!”

A frightened voice answers, “Yeah sorry I’m here. Please hurry.”

//

As you drive down your street you see Kirsch’s Dad’s Ute pulled up outside your house half on the curb and half on the road. Your heart feels like it will jump out of your chest. You know how violent these fights can get. You have witnessed how terrifying they are.

You come to a stop behind the Ute and get out of the car. You can hear Kirsch yelling at his Dad. There’s a loud bang followed by Laura’s scream. The sound of Laura being in danger fills your body with adrenaline. You jump the stairs to the porch and storm into the house. You swing the door open and there is Kirsch pushed up against the wall. His Dad has his hands around Kirsch’s neck. Blood is dripping from Kirsch’s nose.

“Oi!” You yell.

With his hands still firmly around Kirsch’s neck he turns his head to you. You swallow your nerves. You really didn’t plan on what you were actually going to do.

“Carm.” A quite voice comes from beside the TV. Laura stands there backed up against the wall. You take a step towards her before being cut off.

“Don’t you dare fucking move.” Kirsch’s Dad angrily through his teeth.

You turn your attention back to him. Taking a step forward towards the men you take in a breath in an attempt to calm your nerves.

“Get out of my house.” You speak firmly.

He lets go of Kirsch’s neck and turns to you. “This has nothing to do with you. It is between me and Wilson.”

You take another step forward affirming yourself, “You are in my house so it has everything to do with me.” You quickly look to Laura for courage, “And that’s my girlfriend you are scaring so I suggest you leave. Now.”

“I am his father.”

“For the last year you haven’t been. A father doesn’t beat his son up because he can’t pay the bills. You have five seconds to get out of my house before I call the police.” You lift up your phone to show ‘911’ dialed.

Kirsch’s Dad pushes past you making you stumble back.

 

**LAURA**

You jump at the sound of the front door being slammed. Relief fills your body. You didn’t realize for the last ten minutes you have been so tense that you have actually been holding your breath. You let out a shaky breath. You put a hand to your chest trying to slow down your heart beat.

You look to Carm. You follow her eyes to Kirsch but the boy standing there in the middle of the lounge room isn’t the Kirsch you know. He looks straight past Carmilla with empty eyes. The house that was once full of angry voices is now unnervingly quite. Carm stays quiet and so do you. The Utes tires screech as it takes off down the street.

Kirsch releases his clenched fists and exhales a sigh of relief. He runs his shaky hands through his hair and pulls at the roots. He scrunches his eyes shut. With his hands still in his hair he drops his head back and yells up at the ceiling. His scream is like nothing you have ever heard before. At first it was a release but then it turned into something deeper, more desperate, something more heated.

“Kirsch what the hell?” Carm puts her hands up out of confusion.

Ignoring Carmilla Kirsch turns his attention to the things on the kitchen counter. From one end to the other Kirsch runs his arms across the counter knocking everything on the bench to the floor. Cups and Bowls smash across the floor. You accidentally let a small yelp escape your lips as you duck out of the way of a glass flying towards you.

Carmilla raises her hand at you gesturing you to be quite. She cautiously steps forward clearly testing her boundaries with Kirsch.

**CARMILLA**

He tightens his grip on the edge of the counter. You look to his face trying to figure out what ‘Kirsch’ you are dealing with now but he looks unrecognizable. You can barely see he clenched jaw through the blood from his nose.

“Kirsch?” You slowly approach him.

He slams the fridge door shut making the whole fridge shake

“There’s nothing to fucking drink!” He slams his hands back down on the counter. He leans on his hands and looks down.

“Hey… hey buddy.” You bend down so you can look up at him. You reach out and put your hand on his.

“I can’t do this anymore.” He speaks so quietly you can barely make out what he is saying.

“Come on, Kirsch don’t say that.” You run your thumb across his hand, “you’re the strongest bro I have ever seen.”

He doesn’t answer. You try to keep the conversation light to avoid him getting angrier. He puts a hand to his nose. He brings his hand back down and narrows his eye brows at the sight of the blood.

“How about we get you cleaned up yeah?”

“I’ll get a towel.” Laura says as she walks down to the bathroom.

 “Is Laura okay?” he asks, “She was scared. I didn’t mean to make her scared.”

“She will be fine. Are you okay?”

He doesn’t say anything but the tears rolling off his cheeks and his tense body tell you everything you need to know.

“Here.”

Laura places a warm damp towel on the counter top. Before she walks away you grab her hand and lightly squeeze it letting her know that you’re here for her and everything is going to be okay. You pick up the chair and wipe Kirsch’s cheek. He flinches back.

_Alright, so he is still tense._

“How about we count?”

He nods in response.

 “1…2…” You stop when you notice Kirsch not following, “Kirsch you have to count with me bro.”

Kirsch closes his eyes and begins to count, “1…2 3…4.”

You join in with him, “5…678…9…10”

You exhales and looks up with you with soft sorry eyes. Kirsch is back, the real Kirsch is back.

“I’m going to go for a shower.” Kirsch starts to walk down the hallway.

 

**LAURA**

Watching Carmilla deal with Kirsch makes you realize how much he truly means to her. Watching her care for him, watching how she softened for him, how she made Kirsch feel safe. She stood strong against his father and then soon as it was safe to let down her guard she did. She did all that for Kirsch. She gave him a home, food and has been looking after him for a year now and you expected her to gamble all that on what you thought was ‘right’.  Carm knew exactly what to do to calm him down. She put herself between a pissed off fully grown man and you. Even though she was terrified herself she protected you. When you needed her she was there despite what you have done. You feel so stupid for how you have been acting.

You watch as Carmilla counts slowly with Kirsch. Everything about her, the way she is standing, the way her hand is on Kirsch’s, absolutely everything is focused on making Kirsch feel safe. Carm is truly something else.  
You watch as Kirsch makes his way down the hall way to the bathroom.

“Are you okay?”

You are pulled from your thoughts, “Yeah I’m okay.”

She puts her hands in her jean pockets and awkwardly sways back and forth. You both clearly don’t know how to act or what to say.

“Carm…” You step forward. “That was really cool the way you dealt with all that.”

She runs a hand through her hair, “thanks.” She steps forward.

You didn’t know what to say next so you didn’t say anything at all. You gave her a smile before dropping your eyes to the ground again.

“I um I can drop you home if you like?”

“Oh…okay. Yeah that would be cool.”

She steps forward again, “Or like you could stay the night?”

You copy her action and step forward. You are now only a couple feet away from the girl.

“Carm I’m sorry.” You step forward again, “I’m sorry for pushing you and trying to change you. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize everything.” Now the words are spilling from your mouth. “I love Kirsch as a friend so I didn’t understand why you wouldn’t go to the police but… but now I do because Kirsch means so much more to you then I could ever imagine.”

Carmilla looks at you with a full smile and shakes her head.

“What?” You raise an eyebrow.

“I miss you to.” She steps forward closing the gap between you.

Her hands run up the sides of your body. You both lock eyes with each other. You lean forward and rest you forehead on hers. No one needs to say anything. You don’t need to sorry again and she doesn’t need to say it’s okay. Just being in each other’s presence is enough. You both stay there taking in every moment. You focus on the warmth of her hands on your sides and the steadiness of her breathing.

“Cupcake.”

“Mm”

“Let’s go to bed. It’s been a big day.”

//

You lay cuddled up to Carmilla’s side. Your head lays half on her shoulder and half on her chest. You close your eyes and listen to her heart beat. Your head moves with the rise and fall of her breaths. Her fingers run through your hair. You draw circles into the palm of her hand that is resting just above her boxes. You both lie wide awake in a comfortable silence. Normally silences would be awkward but they never seem to be when you are with Carmilla. No matter what happens she always makes you feel safe and comfortable. You push in harder up against Carm.

“Goodnight Creampuff.”

You look and kiss her cheek, “Night Carm.”

“I love you.”

“I love you to.”

You close your eyes and let yourself drift off to sleep.

 

 

 

**CARMILLA**

You take the key out of the ignition and sink back down into the driver’s seat. You take a deep breath in. A police car pulls up in a couple of parking bays to your right. A rush of nerves sweep through you as you watch two police officers get out of the car and walk up to the front door of the station.

_Do you really want to do this?_

You breathe out emptying your lungs. This could majorly fuck everything up with Kirsch. Are you ready for that?

You sink further into your seat. Dropping your head into your hands you think about all the possible outcomes of what you are about to do. Either you go into the station as an anonymous witness and Kirsch never finds out it was you. But that also means you have to deal with the guilt of going behind his back and essentially breaking up his family. Or you could go to the police and let them tell Kirsch it was you and have Kirsch him you for the rest of your live.

_Fuck this._

“Nope.” 

You sit up quickly and put the key in the ignition.

“Not today.”

The car engine revs as you turn the key. You shift the gear stick into reverse. You’re about to reverse when there’s a knock on your window.

“Carmilla I didn’t think I would be seeing you here anytime soon.” Laura’s Dad leans down to look inside of your car.

You wind down the window, “I was just leaving.” You give him a polite smile.

“Awesome so was I. Do you want to go get some coffee? I need to ask you a few questions about Laura.”

You look to your phone and check the time pretending you have to be somewhere.

“My shout.” He puts his forearm on the roof of the car and leans, “we can take my patrol car it’s not a problem.” He smiles again.

With his bouncy energetic persona there’s no doubt that Laura gets her personality off of him.

“Sure thing Mr Hollis.” You get out of Will’s car and follow him to his patrol car.

//

You nervously bounce your leg up and down at the booth watching Daniel ordering the coffees at the counter. You know Laura and her Dad are close so she has most likely already told him about your fight but what questions does he want to ask. It’s none of his business what goes on in your relationship with Laura. You don’t even know what’s going on with Laura. This also could be the perfect chance to tell him about Kirsch. He is going to kill you after he finds out that Laura was at the house at the time of the fight. This is going to be a very interesting conversation.

Daniel puts a coffee down in front of you. He sits down opposite you and takes a sip of his coffee.

“I have been meaning to talk to you all week.”

 You take a drink, “Oh really? What about?”

“I wanted to apologies about Laura pushing you the other night. I understand you are just protecting Wilson. Laura has a tendency of getting in other people’s business. More often than not she fails to realize that just because she would do something doesn’t mean everyone else has the same intentions.”

A smile starts spreading across your face, “Laura is too nice for this world.”

He laughs, “Yes, yes she is. Her mother use to always say, “be nice before you be mean because you can always be mean after being nice but you can never be nice after being mean.”

A waitress comes to your booth and lays a plate of cookies on the table. He looks up and smiles at the waitress and so do you.

“So why were you at the station?” He takes a bite of cookie. “Just to let you know I’m not here in an official capacity. I’m here as a friend.”

“No reason.” You take a sip of your coffee hoping he won’t notice your nervousness.

He raises an eyebrow at you.

_Come on Carmilla. Do it for Kirsch._

You exhale your worries, “I just want Kirsch to be okay.”

He pushes the plate of cookies towards you. You take one and dip the bottom of it into your coffee.

“Alright, I’m listening.”

“…but I also don’t want him to lose his family.”

He nods in understanding, “I see.”

The guilt of even bringing up Kirsch’s name to a police officer is starting to weigh you down.

“The thing with domestic violence is that it’s normally a family secret or a family tradition after all we do reenact the roles we know. Kirsch doesn’t have to know it is you that has gone to the police Carmilla.”

“I understand that but I don’t want to lie or go behind his back. He deserves more than that.”

“You are a good friend.” You both take a mouthful of your drink, “I don’t want to push you Carmilla I hope you know that. I am here when you are ready to talk.”

“I just want everything to be okay. I am tired of being pushed and pulled to one side or the other. I just want to move on from everything.”

“Sometimes in order to move on we have to forgive ourselves and let go. Letting go is a hard thing trust me I have firsthand experience. Forgiving ourselves though that is the real problem. When Laura’s mum died it took me years to be okay, it took me years to put her photo back up on my night stand. I had to learn to forgive myself for not being able to save her. It is the hardest thing I have had to do but I had to do it for Laura. So when you’re ready to forgive yourself and let go you know where to find me.” He taps the bench exhales and smiles.

He takes drinks the last of his drink and stands up. You pick up a cookie for the drive home.

“Again I’m sorry about Laura. I really do hope you to sort out whatever it is that is going on in your teenage heads of yours.”

Maybe Kirsch will understand and if he doesn’t he will have to learn how to because you can’t have this going on forever. Kirsch is a good guy he doesn’t deserve this and you will never forgive yourself if Laura gets hurt.

“Actually…” You stand up, “…I think I would like to come into the station.”

He nods, “well then what are we waiting for.” He smiles and holds the diners door open for you.

//

You sit in his office and ramble on about Kirsch and his situation. You explain how his Dad lost his job and started drinking heavily. You describe the threats he would give not only Kirsch and his Mum but also the threats he used on you. You show him photos of bruises that he has left on Kirsch. You also show him text messages between you and Kirsch that show Kirsch admitting what his Dad has done to him and his Mum. You tell him about Kirsch’s outbursts and how he can’t help control his emotions. Daniel sits there listening intently to every word you say as he jots down notes.

“I’m proud of you Carmilla. For what it’s worth you have done the right thing.”

You sit back in the chair. Considering you just did the right thing you don’t feel any better. If anything you feel worse. You are dreading going back home and telling Kirsch. The disappointed look on his puppy dog face is going to be what hurts the most.

You exhale calming yourself down.

“Alright, I’ll just finish up some paper work and then I will personally sort this out. Thank you again.” He smiles.

“Yeah no worries.” You nod before walking out of his office.

 

//

You walk into your house. Kirsch is spread out on the sofa watching the morning cartoons. You take off your jacket and hang it up on the back of the door. The box of Captain Crunch is on the counter with an empty bowl next to it. Once Kirsch leaves you are actually going to miss cleaning up after him.

You put your left toes on the back of right heal and pull your foot out of your boot. You do the same with the other shoe. You pick up his dirty bowl and take it to the sink.

“You’re up early.” Kirsch speaks.

You run the tap rinsing the bowl, “yeah I went out.”

You turn the tap off and place the bowl in the sink.

“Laura is still asleep.”

“Cool.” You pick up the cereal box.

“You went to the police didn’t you?”

You stop in your tracks. Your chest tightens and it feels like your stomach will jump out of your throat any second.

“I’m sorry.” Your heart beats fast waiting for Kirsch to explode.

Kirsch doesn’t say anything he just adjusts his position on the sofa.

“I had to. I couldn’t keep seeing you like that. I love you Kirsch. You’re my brother.”

He stands up and walks over to you. He takes the cereal box out of your hand and puts it on the counter.

With his hands firmly on your shoulders he looks down to you. You try to read him but you can’t figure it out. His shoulders rise and then fall as he sighs.

“It’s okay.” He pulls you into a tight hug.

You fit perfectly into his chest. His arms wrap around your back. They feel reassuring. His chin rests on the top of your head as you snuggle into him.

“Everything will be okay.” You whisper just loud enough for him to hear.

Your ear is pressed hard against his chest. You listen to his heart beat. You did this for Kirsch. From this point on you are all he has. He holds you tighter and in turn you wrap your arms around tighter. You both stand there in the moment. No one needs to say anything. At this moment both you and Kirsch are all each other has.

“Did I miss something?” A sleepy Laura asks from the hallway.

You open one eye to look at her. Kirsch extends his arm pulling Laura into a group hug. You wrap your arm around her. Both your heads pressing into Kirsch’s chest. Her eyes widen in realization.

“Ohhhh…” 

Kirsch squeezes tighter once more before letting go, “Let’s do this thing then, yeah?”

“We’ve got this!” Laura enthusiastically yells before offering high fives to Kirsch.

**LAURA**

Kirsch exhales once more, “alright now that that emotional roller coaster is over. How about we all go get some breakfast at the diner?”

Oh god yes. Food. You can feel your stomach growl.

“I’m fading away to a shadow.” You lift your shirt up exposing your belly button. “I am on the verge of starvation. You don’t want to see me when I am starving.”

Carmilla rolls her eyes, “Okay calm down She Hulk. Kirsch, Laura and I have to do something quickly but we can meet you at the diner?”

Kirsch looks at you and raises an eyebrow, “Don’t look at me I have no idea.” You shrug your shoulders.

“This will only take ten minutes, run along beef cake.” Carm smiles, “You can invite the ginger twins if you like. I’ll shout you breakfast.”

“Hells yeah! Thanks bro!” He messes up Carmilla’s hair before grabbing his keys off of the bench and taking off out the door.

“Ugh” Carm grunts as she fixes up her hair, “grab your things we have got to go. We can’t leave a hungry Kirsch by himself for too long.” She smiles.

 There is something about her smile this morning that seems different. Maybe it’s because her eyes are softer today. Her smile is genuine and her eyes are pure which is different from her usual gloomy persona.

You reach out and grab her hand pulling her in and gently kiss her cheek.

“I have everything I need.” You whisper.

“Oh come on you cheese ball.” She kisses your cheek and picks up Will’s keys.

You fold your arms in front of your chest, “Am not.”

Carmilla walks out the front door, “Are to!”

**CARMILLA**

You pull up out the front of Will’s place.

“I had breakfast with your Dad this morning.” You fingers run around the steering wheel trying to distract yourself. “He helped me realise a couple things so that’s why we are here.”

Laura gives you a smile before reaching out and grabbing a hold of your hand, “I’m here.”

Her warm touch gives you the strength you need to get out of the car and make your way up to the front door. With Laura in your hand you walk into the lounge room and sit on the sofa. The box is still where you left it; in the middle of the coffee table.

“Are you sure you are ready?” Laura sits down next to you and draws circles on your thigh.

You exhale your nerves, “Your Dad told me I had to forgive myself in order to move on. Telling him about Kirsch lifted a weight off my shoulders. Now I only have one thing holding me back from moving on. I realise that it wasn’t the fear of confrontation holding me back. It was the inability of forgiving myself. Forgiving myself for letting Mother push and pull me for so many years. Forgiving myself for letting my Dad slip through my fingers. I’m ready now. I’m ready to do all that, I’m ready to let go and move on.”

Laura gives your knee a squeeze, “so let’s do this thing.” She smiles.

You look up to her and exhale, “okay.”

Laura picks up the box and hands it to you. You take Will’s keys and drag it down the middle of the box cutting the tape holding it together. You put the box back down on the coffee table. You run your finger down the strip of tape peeling it open. Sitting forward on the sofa you pull out an old jersey from the box. You open it up revealing the number 13. The jersey is long and smells old and musty. It has two yellow signs down the sides with the main colour being maroon.

“It’s my Dad’s old basketball jersey.” You smile.

You fold it up and place it on the coffee table next to the box. You reach in and pull out a photo frame. It’s a picture of you standing next to your Dad. You both are wearing matching basketball pants and Jersey. You both have white socks pulled up to your knee and a basketball under your arm.

You pass the photo to Laura.

“This was just before Dad’s championship game. This game was actually on my 6th birthday.” You pause, “I would always dress just like him so everyone knew I was his daughter.”

“You look cute.” Laura laughs, “look at your chubby cheeks.”

“Oh shh.” You nudge her.

You continue unpacking the box one item at a time. There are photos of your family, a book your Dad always use to read you and one of his winning ribbons. Laura sits there and listens as you ramble on about your memories and all the times you shared. She laughs at the funny ones and holds your hand during the sad ones. Your heart warms with every memory of your family that runs through your mind. You can’t help but smile at the thought of your Dad chasing your Mum around the house threatening to tickle her and the way he would cover her in bubbles when they washed the dishes together. You think about how strong he was, how brave and kind. He was your superman. You wanted to be just like him.

You reach into the box and pull out the last item. It’s your Dads high school jersey. You unfold it and hold it out by its shoulders.

“Is it your Dads?” Laura rubs her hand on your back.

“His high school jersey.” You smile, “He was wearing this jersey when he proposed to Mother.”

You put the jersey down on the coffee table with the other items. You sit back into the sofa.

“That’s it.” You exhale.

Laura runs her hand up and down your leg.

“I’m proud of you Carm.” She kisses your cheek. “How do you feel?”

You hear Laura but you don’t reply right away. You stare down at the box. You have no idea how to feel. Your heart and your mind aren’t cooperating with each other. Despite this you are happy that you opened the box and relived all those memories. Now it’s time to move on to better things.

“I don’t know how I feel.” You run your hand through your hair, “but I do know that it is time to move on and stop all this…”

“…broody?” Laura laughs.

“Yes, all this broody. It’s time for me to focus on my beautiful girlfriend…” You throw your arm around Laura’s shoulders, “…my friends and my classes. Its time to sort my shit out.”

You shift your body on the sofa to face Laura. She does the same.

“Laura.” You lean forward and rest your forehead on Laura’s.

She leans into your touch rubbing her hands up and down your arms.

“Yeah Carm?”

“I love you Laura Hollis.” You speak softly.

“I love you to Carmilla Karnstein.”

You both sit in the moment. Years of you torturing yourself over your Dad’s disappearance is finally over. You feel lighter like years’ worth of weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. Its time to move on.

“Come on Cutie, let’s go get some breakfast.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully new chapter every week or maybe even two a week.  
> Ive recently moved to a new town so I will try my best to stay frequent.
> 
> Some chapters will be done on my phone so please bare with me.  
> Also, this is my first fanfic so any pointers would be appreciated!  
> Thanks :)  
> Tumblr is philippasraymond if you want to talk :)


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